Sunday Story…Before ABC

A=Awareness
B=Boundaries
C=Confrontation

I have taught self-defense (Fear Adrenaline Stress Training) to hundreds of women, men, and children. The ABC’s was where we started and finished. But as I have listened and read the stories from #metoo, #whyididn’treportit, the recent SCOTUS hearing, and more I have come to the realization that I should have been teaching something before awareness.

Once I am aware of a potential situation (or even just having heightened awareness) it can be too late. Now, that awareness can give me the knowledge needed to recognize the “golden moments” that occur so I can avoid further complications. But what happens before that?

What happens before that is the way we speak about each other. I’m sure none of you have ever said, “that’s gay” and meant it as an insult. I’m sure I’ve never called anyone a p#$#$y and meant to call them weak and powerless. I’m sure no one has ever said things like, “Indian giver” to demean someone who isn’t honest or “trailer trash” to insult a person who isn’t as wealthy or as smart as you. No, none of us has ever used any of those turns of a phrase. Those are just a few of the insults we throw around casually. Often we find them buried in our speech and thought patterns without really knowing they are there.

What happens before that is not owning our no. How many times were you forced to hug or kiss a relative or friend of the family when you didn’t want to just to be “polite or a good boy/girl?” How many times have you asked your children to do the same? We need to proudly own our no. Not say yes when we mean no just to get along or not cause any ripples. On the other side, we also need to say yes when we mean yes. Too often we say no or I don’t know when we want to be asked again or to be pursued. No means no, it shouldn’t mean try again, or not yet, or maybe later (after I’ve had more to drink.)

When we start to fix what happens before awareness we might have a chance to stop the endless cycle of mindless violence. Ending it starts in my mind, my language, and my actions. It starts with me.

Be aware of your internal dialogue first. Own your no and when you are a yes be an unequivocal f%&*k yes!

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.com
775-338-2412
Coming soon: www.johnmariotti.com

Sunday Story…Sinners

And saints. Cops and criminals. Perpetrator and victim.

I am both things. We all are. Think about it.

I have done things that weren’t right, weren’t OK. I have had things done to me that weren’t OK, that weren’t right. I have overstepped my own boundaries and overstepped other people’s boundaries as well. Both things are true. For me to say otherwise would be an untruth.

Admitting this doesn’t remove the stain, nor does it make it worse. What it does is make me more human. My foibles are mine. I need to own them. I need to forgive myself for all the times I didn’t stand up for one of my own boundaries. I need to hope that the boundaries I transgressed weren’t so egregious as to cause permanent damage. If they were, I am sorry. I didn’t realize what I was doing at the time. It wasn’t intentional. I will do my very best not to let it happen again.

We live in a changing culture, one that is almost quicksand. I look back at our attitudes 50 years ago and I see that we were badly mistaken. There were so many things we (especially the we that is I) believed, picked up from various places, said, and did that were, looking back at them now were wrong, very wrong.

As I said, I am sorry. I’m not perfect but I will do better. We (all of us) need to do better.

“There is a field beyond right and wrong. I will meet you there.” - Rumi

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
775-338-2412
Coming soon: www.Johnmariotti.com

Sunday Story…EDD

Every. Day. Duty. Or... Every. Damn. Day.

Years ago when I began my journey to CrossFit competition, Jim Fitzsimmons the Crossfit coach at the University of Nevada, Reno told me if I wanted to really “get” my double unders they needed to be EDD…everyday duty. So that’s what I did. Every day I practiced double unders for 5 minutes. Eventually I “got” them and got good at them as well.

What are you doing every day that builds a new skill or a new asset or a new bit of creativity that belongs to you? I own double unders now. It took quite a few days but eventually they became mine.

Every day I write. That little bit of work becomes my duty every damn day. Every day I get a little better at putting words to paper. Every day I increase the value of that asset (the writing asset).

Every day I work out. That commitment to my fitness is my duty every day. It is part and parcel of what I own. Every day I get a little more fit. My fitness is an asset I want to increase the value of.

What assets are you trying to increase? What did you do today to increase that value? Whether it is intellectual property, personal property, or financial property the increase in value is an Every Day Duty.

Small efforts done consistently over a long period of time yield large results.

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
775-338-2412
Coming soon: www.johnmariotti.com

Sunday Story…Find Your

Center and extend from there. Then return to center. Extend and return. Lather rinse and repeat.

So how do you find your center and how will you know when you do?

Your center is the place where everything is right with the world. You are calm when you are there. The world is right. When life is flowing and seems effortless you are centered. The opposite is true as well…when you are struggling and it feels like everything you do is swimming against the current you may not be centered. This could be because you are trying to get somewhere or something that is outside your current zone of comfort. That’s OK. Remember we are extending from center. When the scales are balanced nothing is moving…there is no effort against the tide since you aren’t going anywhere.

When we start from center we are beginning with the end in mind. It is our intention to return to center even if we bring a new perspective and attitude with us. We can extend out; reach past our comfort zone in order to achieve the goals we want to achieve. Then we return to center and begin to look for a new target.

Your center is your “happy” place. It also the place that fuels your desires and has you see your goals in the distance. If you live a life constantly outside of center you will find it difficult to achieve very much. The old saying about seeing the forest for the trees applies here.

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
Coming soon: www.johnmariotti.com
775-338-2412
no copyright infringement intended

Sunday Story…The Scales

Of Life have a tendency to move up and down. Rarely are they perfectly balanced. After all, when they are balanced there is no motion at all…everything is perfectly still and in stasis. The problem with balance is there is no place for movement. When the scale is centered I can’t go forward or back or even side to side.

If I want to do something I am going to have to move the scale to one side or the other. Sometimes we move the scale because it’s time….time to raise the kids, time to focus on the career or relationship or time to relax and reset after a period of intense focus.

Sometimes I move the scale purposefully. I make a decision to push all the weight to one side and do what is on that side and nothing else. Often, though, this is at the expense of all the other things on the other side of the scale. If I spend too long in the singular pursuit of a thing in complete abandonment to everything else the scales could end up permanently broken.

Depending on what you want it may be better to move the scale back and forth shifting the emphasis back and forth or in several different directions, always coming back to center, to stasis. In other words whatever your concentration be single-minded and focused. Don’t multitask your concentration.

Do what you are doing. Finish that and go do the other thing.

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
Coming soon: www.johnmariotti.com
775-338-2412

Sunday Story…Scarcity vs. Connection

In our daily interactions with the people around us, we don’t often think in terms of winners and losers. We usually think about the connection we have.

But in my interactions with the car dealer or the jeweler, we often find ourselves in a “zero-sum” game. If I give too much I lose. The converse is true as well. If she gives too much she loses.

What if there was only a mutually beneficial transaction? What if there was no fear of losing, of being “taken?” And, conversely, what if there was no joy in winning, in being “on top?” What would be left?

In today’s world connection is King. I can be connected or I can be right. It is difficult to be both. Transactions based on connection, reliability, and confidence far outweigh those transactions built only to satisfy someone else’s narcissistic need to win at all and any costs.

Choose connection.

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
Coming soon: www.johnmariotti.com
775-338-2412

Sunday Story…political discourse

These days is almost impossible. It seems that having an actual discussion…a give and take, a back and forth based on facts, figures, proof, science, effectiveness, or correctness has disappeared. That discussion has been replaced with intractable positions based on tribalism.

In this discussion, people don’t care about the facts. Facts are not the point at all. The answer is always “no” if the question comes down to changing your mind. You are so bound to your position that you will go to your grave before you free yourself from the mast of self-righteousness.

The subject doesn’t matter. The conflict is what counts and I never want to lose. Changing my mind, shifting my position is losing. And I may lose my tribe if I shift or change so we all go down with the ship.

This is why so many of us refrain from “talking politics” (or religion). There is little or no room for a reasoned exchange of ideas revolving around the facts. And the more things we call “political” the less we have to talk about. And the less opportunity any of us have to learn and grow and understand one another.

We can argue if we want. But if we want to move forward we must be willing to listen. And that means accepting we might have to shift our position.

Tribalism serves the tribe. Serve a bigger ideal.

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
Coming soon: www.johnmariotti.com
775-338-2412