Sunday Story...Connectivity

Sunday Story..Connectivity.

I am going into my 5th year of Sunday Stories. Way back in 2008 Kenney Money suggested I start writing these myself as opposed to passing on some other writings. So I started. And here we are over 200 posts and over 200,000 words later still writing, and hopefully still reading. At least I know my Dad reads them every week and that alone is a reason to continue.

I am, however, going to deviate from my original stance. When I began I wanted to write at least 1000 words for each post. This seemed like a reasonable expectation and a doable goal. Yet part of me (and yes some of you) are longing for shorter and more pithy pieces. And occasionally, I feel a subject calling that is going to require many many more words than 1000. So that is where I am and that is what I am going to do...

Last week I watched a video on how our atoms, yours and mine, are all made from, sourced from the same atoms in star dust. We are all connected. And we are all connected to the universe around us. Yet, even as we realize how connected we are, we are more disconnected than ever.

Our children play with little boxes and overuse their thumbs. As adults we sit tethered to a computer screen, working, surfing and playing. Many of our interactions all take place between my screen and yours, not between your face and mine. Children no longer know how to play with each other...to the point that many schools prohibit any game that requires touching, like tag.

Yet we are scientifically proving that we are all connected, that we all source from the same original face. So what draws us apart, what is the force that continues to keep us separate, and apart from our fellow beings? As a matter of fact, as I sit here writing this to you today (an interaction almost completely devoid of actual physical touch) I have people swirling around me communicating and going about their business. I am sitting writing about connection and the importance of really connecting with people, our children, our friends, our parents, and I am completely separated from my fellows.

But I will finish this shortly and get out mingle and connect. What will you do? Retreat into your cave of internet gaming, televised sporting events, and texting? Why do we allow this to happen? It seems a paradox...more connectivity leading to less personal interaction. Are we doing this on purpose? Are we afraid to admit that the more we are connected the less we really like it?

For me this is often the case. If I have to be really and truly connected I will often use superficial means to avoid that true intimacy. This would include any number of creative and interesting and hard to spot ways of avoiding that intimacy. Think about this for a moment....what are you doing, what strategies do you employ to deny that connectivity? It seems that there is some strange witches brew at work here...some potion that we willingly ingest to keep us apart from the very people we should connect with. On the other side of that...what are you willing to do to create connection and the deep intimacy that connection is going to require? What strategy (ies) are you going to employ have the deep connection to really reveal who you are?

The facts are simple:
If I don’t know who you really are, how will you know I really love the real you?
If you won’t reveal who are, how can you expect the rest of the world to see you and revel in your wonder?
If you want to be connected you must be open...like an electrical wall socket and the plug for your lamp...open and receptive.

Connectivity.


Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Will Power

Sunday Story…Will Power

So we now know that sometimes it really is hard (last week’s story at: http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/ ). It is hard to shift and change things in your life especially if you are battling addiction and disorder. Getting help and support are critical to success in those instances.

The rest of us have to rely on good old fashioned will power. Because even if we aren’t battling some external demon all of us need to exert some measure of will over our desires. In some traditions desire is believed to lead to suffering and the cessation of desire will lead to enlightenment. Unfortunately not many of us hit that mark…OK, no one I know has hit that mark. Desire is not going to go away. Especially around many of our food and lifestyle choices.

I love chocolate. I really enjoy how a good, dark, 70 or 80% cacao feels in my mouth and how it tastes on my tongue. Yet I know that if I eat too much of it the enjoyment will lessen and there will be a penalty for eating too much of it. The desire is there. Intellectually I know that too much of it will not be helpful for me. Emotionally I want it. Financially a $3.00 chocolate bar is not going to ruin me. So I exert my will power to eat just one or two squares.

This is the crux of the problem with sex, drugs, alcohol, sugar and other addictions. Sometimes desire wins out over our intellect, our finances, and our will power. We knew we shouldn’t, we knew it was a bad decision; we knew that there was no cheese at the end of the tunnel yet we did it anyway. We ran down the tunnel anyway hoping this time it would be different. And it wasn’t, and we were left with the ruination that desire caused.

So what is the deal with will power? How can I have great success in one area and be a dismal failure in another? Why is it that my willpower wavers late at night or when I am tired, or emotional, or unbalanced?

It turns out that will power is a muscle just like the rest of your muscles. And it is affected by stress, lack of sleep, over use and over stimulation just like the rest of your muscles. All of us have times of the day when we are “better” than others. Maybe for you it is early in the morning or in the afternoon…those times when we are most creative, when we have the most energy or when it just seems easier to get things done. At these times will power is easy. It is easy to say no to temptation, easy to turn your back on that bad choice, easy for your intellect to override your desire for short term gratification.

I turns out that willpower has actually been studied by scientists. They have run tests and conducted experiments on how it works and how it doesn’t. It turns out that will power, like your muscles, can be improved and grown. And if you begin to understand the limitations you can improve the performance of your will power.

One of the first things to realize is that if you overuse your will power it will begin to fail. So if you put too much temptation in front you too often you will falter. Desire will win out. What this means is if your weakness is chocolate or, as in my case, almond butter, stay away from places that have it. Don’t buy it. Don’t have it in the pantry. If every time you get in your car you light up a cigarette make sure there are no cigarettes in the car. The more you have to use your will power in a day or an hour the weaker it gets and the harder it is to resist temptation.

Next get distracted. So when those donuts are in front of you get out of the room and go for a 5 minute walk. If you get sucked into the email vortex, get up before you hit the email button and get away from your desk. Most cravings only last 5-7 minutes (those darn researchers again!) so all you have to do is distract yourself for 5 to 7 minutes. You can do that.

Another little strategy is to eliminate the people and or places that lead you into temptation. If I am trying not to drink, hanging out at the bar is a bad idea. If one of my friends always brings pizza or McDonald’s over either dis-invite them or tell them to stop. If every time I go to Facebook I lose 30 minutes of productive time don’t go there.

Yet, as Oscar Wilde once said, I can resist anything except temptation. You need to reward yourself for working on your will power muscle. Obviously, if I am trying to stop eating sugar I should not reward myself with a snickers bar. But I could reward myself with a new book, if that was my thing or maybe a shopping spree after 30 days of sugar prohibition to celebrate my new svelte figure.

Will power is not unlimited yet you can get better. Will power needs help. Trying to resist the rocky road ice cream in your freezer late at night when you are tired is more difficult than in the middle of the afternoon. And it is way easier to resist if the quart of Ben & Jerry’s is not even in the freezer! Will power can be strengthened if you work at it but just like any other muscle it needs time to rest and recuperate. Be kind to your will power and it will be your best ally!

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Sometimes It Really is Hard

Sunday Story…Sometimes It Really is Hard

I know when I write or talk about food and the change in diet or food choices I can appear cavalier or unfeeling. In other words it may seem as if my compassion and patience in this neighborhood is lacking. A friend accused me of ranting and told me that even though she knows what the right food choices may be sometimes it is just too hard to make them. Another friend stated he felt “obligated” to eat a piece of chocolate cake that was brought to a lunch meeting. These people are both bright, intelligent, hard working people with a huge amount of self discipline in many areas of their lives.

So what is going on here? Can this really be that hard? After all isn’t hard battling cancer? Isn’t hard carrying 5 gals of water every morning and evening a couple miles so your family can have fresh water? Isn’t advanced calculus hard? What is so hard about saying no to a piece of beautiful, chocolatey, satiny smooth cake? Or not sitting down to a big bag of salty chips and ranch dressing? Or maybe that gooey, cheesy, hot from the oven pizza? Honestly when I put it like that it does sound hard…and I am not sitting in front of any of those things, inhaling the aroma, salivating and watching my friends indulge themselves.

For people who are fighting food disorders or food addictions it really is that hard. One of the things I am pretty sure I have said is that it isn’t like being a heroin addict. No, it actually may be worse! Yes you read that correctly…some of the food “things” we are dealing with are worse than heroin or other drug addictions.
There are several reasons why this is true:
--You have to eat to live. No matter what happens you need to put some amount of food into your mouth on a regular basis or you are going to die. Making a food choice that doesn’t feed whatever your food “thing” is going to be a constant struggle.
--You do not have to walk into the local quik-stop and deal with the counter display of shot of heroin. You do have to deal with the counter display of candy. You do have to deal with the cases full of sugary or salty or fatty foods crying out to be eaten.
--You do not have to turn on the television and listen to a celebrity tell you how good that next snort of meth is going to be. However that celebrity will tout a KitKat bar, or a coke, or a pizza as a good for you snack several times an hour.

Your addiction to sugar was programmed into your genes a long time ago. Your desire for fat was also part of your growth as a human. Your taste buds are designed to like, want, and crave those tastes. As a matter of fact, as many people age, the taste buds become less acute and sensitive and the last taste bud to go is the one that recognizes sugar. When we were just cave-people those many millennia ago we needed to chow down on all the sugar and carbs, and fat we could in the summer and fall so we would have body stores to draw on in the winter. There is no longer any winter. We are no longer in fast/hibernation mode for 4 or 5 months out of the year. We can get all the sugar and carbs and fat we want all year round. Somewhere along the way someone forgot to tell our bodies too shut off these drives for sweets and fats.

So here we are…and it is even worse for many of us. Especially for those of us who may have our food issues closely tied with our emotions and our psychological stuff. So, honestly, this is not easy at all. I am asking you to do what no rehab center or addiction counselor would ever ask you to do…use your addictive substance in moderation. But it is doable. And it is doable by you.

Here are some guidelines:
--This will be hard. You will not be perfect, especially from day one. Yet there is no judge at the end of the day, no final score. Be nice to yourself, be kind and be patient. This is not for the rest of your life, or one year or even one month…it is just one---one day, one, meal, one bite. Focus on that one bite and only that one. It is for the most important cause…YOU.
--There is no failure. This is not a test. There is no grade, no pass/fail, and no way to be bad. There is just an idea that maybe this will work and all you have to do is try it for a day, a meal, or a month. The rules are not set in stone and if you need to have more flexibility…then get some flexibility.
--Just because I say to do it doesn’t mean you have to do it. Except for one thing…stay away from the scale. Do not weigh yourself for 30 days. This is not about weight; this is about health, your sanity and being a whole person. Your worth is not determined by what the number on the scale says. You are better than any number on the scale.
--Ask for help. If you are struggling with a food disorder or an addiction get some help, hire a counselor, join a community of people who are struggling with the same things you are. There are lots of choices out there. You do not have to do this alone. And remember food is not your whole life although it may look that way at times. You also need to be balanced in your sleep, recreation, relationships, and fitness. All of these things will assist you in your attempts to rebuild and recover your life.
Better health, better fitness, better habits, a more balanced life does not happen overnight, immediately, or even in 30 days. It is a process, and one that is going to take a number of steps. But as with any journey you must take the first one down the path. So go ahead, take that step, right here and right now. I will help.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Harder, Smarter, More

Sunday Story...Work Harder, Work Smarter, Love More

That’s it. I could stop right here and the message would be complete. So if you get it, you can stop reading right now and go do one or all three of those things. Or stay with me here...By the way, this post was inspired by this post: http://crossfitlisbeth.com/2012/04/05/no-shortcut/ from Lisbeth Darsh who manages to be both terse and wonderful at the same time.

Work harder. It’s a simple maxim but most of us want to to work easier. We want to do less work. We want the work we do to be less strenuous, less difficult, easier to complete. This is the antithesis of of progress by the way and yet is part of the paradox. When we become more efficient we can do more in less time.

We have been trained to do more faster. We have been trained to get the most we can (results, money, success) doing the least we can. Is this really a recipe for success though? When Henry Ford invented the assembly line to mass produce his cars the process became more efficient. This allowed some of the hard work to be taken out of the equation...rather than one or two men doing all the work, one man would do one job and another the next job, and so on and so on. So a man would work more efficiently at the one thing and the job was easier but more cars got produced. A win, win for everyone...especially the consumer. But really the mind numbing work did not produce better results for the worker. And this is where the “lose” comes in. It allowed him to get lazy, to work less, to have less connection with the finished product and be more provincial in his outlook. We was getting more productivity but at the cost of creating work that would be more deeply satisfying.

Work smarter. I have heard this for years...don’t work harder, work smarter. What I think they meant was don’t work longer, work smarter, work more effectively. Working smarter means to be more efficient. But not at the expense of working harder. If I can be more efficient, I can produce more work with less energy but that does not mean I should do less work. As a matter of fact I should now do more work since my capacity has improved through efficiency. I can get get stronger and do more work, I can get faster and do more work. But improving strength and speed can take a long time and the incremental increases are going to be small and going to get smaller over time. But if I can learn to be more efficient I can grow by leaps and bounds very, very quickly. So working smarter means I can work harder and get more work done at the end of the day, not get the same amount of work done with less effort.

Working smarter and make sense when we put them together. If we can be more efficient and more effective and increase our output we will get much more done in the same amount of time. And whether we are on the job, in the gym, or in the kitchen that is really the bottom line.

So what about loving more? what does that have do with working harder or working smarter? On the surface it would appear that those things are unrelated. On the other hand if we love working harder more it might come together. Or if we love figuring out how to be more effective and efficient that will work too.

But that isn’t what we are talking about when we are are talking about loving more, is it? What I am talking about is pretty simple and straightforward...Love More. Who ever you love...Love them more. Whatever you love doing...Love It More.

Love comes with a smile. Sometimes it’s a big Cheshire cat grin and other times it’s a shy sweet upturn sort of grin. Either way when I love something it’s hard not to smile when I think of it, or see it. When I sit down to write, I usually smile just a bit. When I plan a workout I smile (some of my athletes think of it as a sadistic grin but what do they know!). When I set a pr I whoop and holler and smile. Loving more means smiling more.

Work harder...will get bigger better results. Work smarter...will take work harder and ratchet up those results. Love more...puts the joy and pleasure and smile into work harder and smarter. Don’t try to tell me you don’t want more smiles in your world, your work, or your work outs.

There are no short cuts. There is no magic pill. There is the work and the joy in the work. Harder, smarter, more. Simple, maybe not so easy, but certainly simple. You can do all 3 of those things in your every endeavor. You can...remember you only need to increase the temperature of water 1 degree to get steam and steam can power a locomotive!

Work Harder. Work Smarter. Love More.

Again, Thanks to Lisbeth Darsh for the inspiration...read her blog here: http://crossfitlisbeth.com/


Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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