Sunday Story...The Big Mistake

Sunday Story…The Big Mistake

“Do not fear mistakes. There are none.” Miles Davis

For those of you who do not know, Miles Davis was a very famous jazz trumpeter who is considered to be one of the major influences in jazz music. So how can he say that there are no mistakes? After all even jazz music has some rules; there are the “right” notes to be played even if you are improvising the whole thing.

Your life is an improvisation. Has it ever really gone exactly as you planned? Chance meetings, decisions made, decisions not made, people met, have all happened and your life was changed. Sometimes life changed a lot sometimes by just a little. But you know just a one degree shift in the steering wheel will send you to a whole new destination after 3000 miles. But still aren’t there some mistakes? Aren’t there some things that we can categorically say…ooops that was a mistake?

The answer lies in your attitude. If you want to be judging, blaming, and criticizing, then yes, there are mistakes. You see, those things that we would Judge as mistakes lie in the judgment not in the mistakes themselves. Just as a number is not good or bad; decisions and things done are just that…decisions and things done. They are neither good nor bad. We can say that the decision fits into our world view, that the decision is going to move along to the destination we seek on the road we have chosen to travel but that in and of itself does not make it good or bad.

An attitude that says what can I learn from the decision, what is the message that this activity has given me is far from the blame game. What if there were no mistakes? What if there was no good or bad judgment on what notes you played? What if every note you played was the perfect one? Maybe the notes didn’t exactly fit into the piece you were playing at the time. Maybe the notes sounded different or discordant but what if they weren’t really mistakes but lessons in what didn’t work in that moment.

If Thomas Edison said to himself…”well there is this is another mistake that one must be about number 512.” Do you think he would have continued to try to create a bulb that would create electric light? I know after about 500 mistakes I would have been tempted to throw in the towel. I can imagine, however, that Edison said something like…”wow, there is another way it doesn’t work. I must be getting closer.” With that attitude I could keep on going, I could strengthen my resolve and try again.

This ability to choose your attitude is one of the greatest freedoms that can never be taken from you. No matter what someone does to my body I get to choose the story, I get to choose the attitude to take from it. No matter what you try to do to my mind or spirit I get to choose how I am going to react to it. This is the one freedom that can never be taken from me. Lock me up and throw away the key. Do terrible horrible things to me. Try to imprison my body mind and spirit. I still get to choose the story, the attitude I will take from those things.

Just like I get to choose the attitude I take from the other things that happen in my life. Some of those things may be horrible…cancer, car accidents, financial hardship, or worse. Some of those things may be just mildly irritating…a bad grade, losing a parking space, getting called a name, or the like. Big or small if we take the attitude that they are not mistakes but learning experiences our attitude will not fail us.

Every time I get on the mat to practice/play Brazilian jiu-jitsu I know I may have to “tap-out”. I could look at this as a loss. That some other person got the better of me...that I was not good enough, not knowledgeable enough or not “man” enough. If that was my attitude, how long do you think I would or could continue to train? I mean how long will you beat yourself up on top of someone else beating you up to continue every day? My guess is not long. Certainly not long enough to get good enough to rarely “tap-out”. Instead my attitude is that every “tap” is another lesson…a lesson in what is working and not working...a lesson in what to do and what not to do…another stepping stone on the path to the destination. Without that attitude I would have to quit.

Do you fear to try because you might be wrong, you might make a mistake? It would be time to get over that fear. You are not perfect and neither am I. We are going to hit a note that just didn’t work in the piece we are playing; we are going to take a path that pulls us off our destination for some period. These things are bound to happen. Are you going to beat yourself up and berate and belittle yourself for doing them? Or are you going to look at those things and say…”hmmm that was interesting. What is the lesson in that? What is the learning I can take away from that adventure?”

Maybe if I try for perfection I will hit excellence. Maybe if I swing at the ball I will hit it eventually. If I never take the shot, I will a never make the goal. If I am so afraid to make a mistake I will have no hope of ever getting it right because I will never even attempt it. Your attitude determines how you view these things. What are you telling yourself about your life and your trajectory right now? What would you really like to tell yourself?

Get out there and play the piece of music that is your life. Learn something from it and then play it again. Repeat. Repeat and repeat. There is no getting it right because there is no right or wrong. There is just getting out and doing it. So go ahead…Just Do It.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...The Edge

Sunday Story…The Edge

“Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone.” Walsch

Living at the edge of your comfort zone. This is not the edge of the couch. This is the edge of your everyday, humdrum, mediocre average existence. It is different for all of us. Maybe yours is turning off the television once a week. If that has you feeling wild and crazy then go for it. No matter where the edge is for you your life starts at that edge.

Why would you want to bother? Why would you want to live a life past the edge of that comfort zone? After all it’s comfortable here. It’s easy and simple and I don’t have to do too much to maintain everything as it should be. There is no stress, no hard work to do all I have to do is the same thing I always to and I get pretty much the same thing I have always gotten. No big deal, right?

Except for one small detail…you aren’t growing. You aren’t really challenging yourself in any area. Maybe you are working out but you just go through the same motions every day. Maybe your career is never going to really challenge you unless you get out and do something about it. Maybe your relationship isn’t bad but it isn’t really good or great either. You are dying; you are slowly, inexorably sliding into a rut that is going to turn into a grave at some point down the road.

Why do so many of us accept this as normal? Is it normal to sit on the couch and have our bodies rust from inactivity? Is it normal to have our closest personal relationships limp along from poor communication and unspoken needs and desires? Is it normal to not learn anything new once we leave the halls of our schools? Is it normal to never pick up a book after we leave high school? Is it normal to be overweight, sick and tired?

Apparently it is normal. All of these things are touted as facts. The lack of continuing education, physical fitness, sexless marriages, television, fast food, alcohol and drug addiction are all normal in our modern world. Does it have to be normal? Do you have to accept it as normal for you, your spouse, and your children? I don’t think so and I don’t believe you were placed here to do any of those “normal” things. You are here for more than that. You are here to be someone…you are here to be awesome.

But you are never going to get out of normal until you get to the edge of your comfort zone and start going past it.
If something makes you feel a little uncomfortable maybe you should look at it closer and see if there isn’t a growth opportunity there.
If the thought of doing something (jumping out of an airplane, learning a new language, public speaking) scares you maybe you should go ahead anyway.
If the idea of doing things in a new and different way, taking a different route to work, eating food you have never eaten before disturbs your idea of the status quo you should do them anyway.

Getting past your comfort zone may not be easy. As a matter of fact there will be times when it is hard, uncomfortable, and maybe a little painful. Remember the first time you lost a tooth? It hurt. Maybe it hurt a lot. But losing that tooth made room for a better, more permanent tooth. So it may be with going past your comfort zone. The space you make will leave room for something more interesting and different in your life. And if it doesn’t, well, normal is always there waiting for you like a comfortable pair of socks.

If you don’t know where your comfort zone is, it won’t be too hard to find. Just look at your life and see your habits and routines. That edge runs right along those things just like the boundary on a map. Your comfort zone lives and breathes where your life is effortless and easy.

You can do this. You need to do this. Your children need to see you stretching, growing and reaching for something else, something more. When they see you living in fear of change why should they want to change? When your children see you afraid to learn new things why should they pursue new knowledge. When your children see you afraid how can you expect them to have courage?

You mission (should you choose to accept it) to lead the way into new and uncharted waters…to find the edge of the sea and sail past it. When you do that you will inspire others, especially those closest to you to do something similar. You will empower the people around to you to have the faith that a leap into the unknown is going to be OK. If you don’t who will? Who else is going to lead past the comfort zone? Who else but you?

And you don’t have to go all in either. You don’t have to sell everything and move to the Amazon, or join Doctors without borders or enter a monastery. You can get past your comfort zone a little at a time. You can always put one toe in the water at a time. Maybe start small…try reading a book one night instead of watching television. Eat out at a different ethnic restaurant once a month. Eliminate one small bad habit from your life. Set a fitness goal and make a plan and follow it up. Create a life of purpose on purpose (oops! There I go again).

Pretty soon living a life at the end of your comfort zone will become a habit. You will no longer be boxed in by your fears and hesitations. You will be walking out on the tightrope of your comfort zone, balancing a life of purpose, vision, compassion and genuine integrity while serving as an inspiration to everyone around you.

Go ahead and jump…the water’s fine!

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Hell

Sunday Story…Hell

Imagine it is your last day on earth. As you prepare for your final destination you see someone approaching you. As the figure nears a dawn of recognition begins. The person is you…the person you could have become. The person imbued with all the greatness, all the success, all the joy, happiness, abundance, prosperity and health you could have enjoyed. You are devastated. You are done with this mortal coil and going to your final rest knowing who you could have become.
This is one of the definitions of hell:
On your last day on earth the person you BECAME will meet the person you could have BECOME.
Think about that one. Who you are meets the person you could have been. What would that look like for you? Is who you are everything you could be? Are you doing all you can do to be all you can be?
Are you living today as the person you could become?
Really? Because I know I am not. Maybe you are, maybe not so much.
I guess the first question would be do you really care? Does it really matter to you that you are or are not living up to all the potential of who you are? Do you have any idea of the greatness that lies within you? If not, why not? Why not care about who you could become…is it too hard? Is even thinking about that shift so difficult that you can’t even look at it? Imagine that day in the future where you might have to face the you that you could have become…what would you like to say? It was too hard to be you? I just couldn’t face up to my highest and best?
Really? REAlly?
It’s too hard? Hard is getting up this morning and walking 5 miles to the river to fill a 5 gallon container with filthy water for your family to drink, cook and bathe with while knowing if you don’t return with a full container your father will beat you. That is hard. Hard is going to bed at night after another day of no food and listening to your baby sister crying weakly as she slowly slides into death from starvation. That is hard. Hard is not getting off your butt and doing the things you know you can and should and could do to fulfill your mission on earth.

It might be a little challenging to find your mission and vision but it really isn’t hard. It might be slightly daunting to start living your life like a world champion something. And no, there is no world champion couch potato or fast food eater. It isn’t hard (in perspective) to quit drinking soda, smoking cigarettes or watching hours of television. It might look hard but is it really? Do you think the person you could become is going to show up 100 pounds overweight, with a heart condition and diabetes? Or is that person in great physical condition?

Is the person you could become an emotional wreck, stained and drained by drama and trauma, ruled by their unconscious needs and desires? I think not. I think the person you could become is fully conscious of their emotional baggage and has worked every day at lessening that load in order to be an emotional giant fully in touch and aware of their desires and needs and getting those desires and needs met in the healthiest ways possible. That person is in touch with their own emotions and their own humanity and can see the good and best in each person they run into every day.

Maybe the person you could become will show up on that day, your last day defeated by the world, impoverished financially and spiritually, completely beaten down and vanquished. I think not. I think the person you could become is going to show up in abundance and prosperity, filled with spirit and spirituality, financially prosperous an example to the world of what is possible when spirit and determination meet in the soul of a person dedicated to transforming the world into a better, richer, and more abundant place.

But maybe you are going to get out of this life without meeting the person you could have become. Maybe on the day you die you won’t have to meet that person. Maybe you won’t have to die knowing all the things you could have done, been, or accomplished. Maybe you won’t mind the world being poorer for the books you didn’t write, the lessons you didn’t teach, and the music you never made. Maybe you are OK with plodding along living a life or mediocrity and quiet desperation, just another average person living another average life and dying another average death.

Really?
REAlly?
REALLY?
I mean really? You are OK with that? Go look in the mirror and tell yourself you are ok with average. You are OK with being overweight. You are OK with never learning a new thing, never learning anything new, not teaching something you know how to teach, or not singing the songs you can sing? Go ahead and go to the bathroom mirror and look carefully at the face looking back at you and tell that person you are never going to be the person you could have become.

You didn’t do it did you? Maybe you should go look in the mirror and start looking for the person you could be. Maybe you could start seeing the person you could have become right now. Maybe you should start living your life like you are the person you could have become. Maybe the person looking back at you right now is that fully aware, amazing, self fulfilled human living up to the fullest potential possible. Maybe the person you could become is sitting next to you right now and all you have to do is take a look and see them waiting for you.
So….who are you looking at in the mirror?

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Integrity

Sunday Story…Integrity

Integrity. Truth. Honesty.

There are few things more important than your integrity. It is the one thing that no one can ever take from you. But it is something you can give away, lose, or destroy on your own.

I define Integrity these days very simply…Be honest, Tell the truth, Play by the rules, Keep your promises. I have also Integrity defined as “doing what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it.”

Be honest…first with yourself, then with the world around you. If you cannot be honest with yourself you are in serious trouble. If you ask yourself if you are doing your best work and the answer is “I don’t know” then you are not being honest with yourself. Usually answers like I don’t know, I’m not sure, and the shrug of the shoulders are answers that include a certain amount of self-delusion. Be honest with yourself first. Look inside and be brutally honest about how you feel and what you are thinking and doing. Then when you are asked a question you can do the next thing…

Tell the truth. This does not mean to be mean or rude or disrespectful. It means to tell the truth and tell it in a way that is honest. On one hand this is very simple…don’t lie. If the answer is white don’t try to tell me the answer is black. Just don’t do it, it is not ok. Lying is pervasive in our society. We see large companies telling us things that are not true and using the excuse that it is marketing. Telling me something is good for me when it is not good or is marginal is a lie.
Then there are the lies of omission…in other words those times when I leave something out because you didn’t ask the right question or ask it in the right way. And that way allows me not tell you something that I really should. You know when you do that, it feels a little dirty coming off your tongue, just a little bit sleazy. In the back of your mind you know you left out a vital piece of information. If you are telling the truth, you don’t leave out that piece…a lie of omission is still a lie.
Let’s not forget the lies of shading. Those are the lies when we take the truth and cover it with an umbrella so the truth is there but not quite visible. I spin a tale that is true but the truth is hidden, but just a little askew, obfuscated under the spinning story I am telling you. Still a lie isn’t it? Maybe a little nicer but still a lie.

Play by the rules. Simple really, right? I mean the rules are the rules. They are usually written down and clear. All you have to do is follow them. Well…sometimes the rules are not exactly clear right? So do you go by the letter of the rule or the spirit of the rule? And what about the games where the rules are not written down? Where we all just assume the rules to be one way, to be the way we have always done things. Where is your default position? The spirit or the letter? For me, I look to the spirit of the law first. What is the way to play the game with the most forthright and honest position, for the game or the playing field to be the most level? Is it so important to win that you will shave the issues and jeopardize your personal integrity? How much money is that worth to you? We have seen the answer over and over again in the professional sports world…people who are making millions and millions of dollars who cheat to win or shave their way around the truth to get more accolades or titles. When we find out they have been lying or cheating we are crushed…we expected better, we deserved and hones game, one of integrity and honor.

Keep your word. It used to be that a man’s word was his bond. I kept my word even if it cost me, and cost me dearly. If I could not keep my word, my bond then I had to go forth and make it right. Million dollar deals were consummated on a handshake. I trusted you and your word even if I did not know you. Now it seems even the people I know can’t be counted on to keep their word. To look me in the eye and tell me the truth even when they are doing me wrong, not keeping their word. This is a very, very sad state of affairs. If you say it make it so. If you can’t complete, especially due to circumstances out of your hands, then do what you have to do to make it right. Better yet, move heaven and earth to complete the task , to fulfill your bond. Help us regain the trust we should have in each other, in our fellow man. Because, sadly, we have lost it.

I can’t force you to live a life of integrity. I can live my life as an example of it. And not just outwardly. I must, and most importantly, like a life of integrity for myself and with myself. I must live a life of integration (it’s part of integrity), a life that is complete and whole and aligned with who I say I am and who I am being. Will I fail? Will I fall down and come up short? Of course I will. Of course I have. But I will get up and admit my mistakes and start again down that path. For me this path appears to be the only one to walk? What say you?

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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