Sunday Story...The Edge

The drop off is dizzying. The edge looks scary from a distance and if you get closer your heart beats faster, your breath comes quicker, and the fear rises in your throat like bad medicine. As you get nearer the horizon disappears and the only focus point is the rapidly disappearing ground and the looming abyss. The edge is scary and exhilarating, life threatening and life enhancing all at once.

The problem is you are actually sitting on your couch, in the comfort of your living room looking at the edge on television. Granted that big screen makes it look real. The surround sound has the wind screaming in your ears, the waves breaking on the rocks below and the cry of gulls in the distance. But you aren’t there. You are nowhere near the edge. You aren’t even in the same state or maybe even the same continent. You have somehow deluded yourself into thinking that you are at the edge, that you could actually fall off. The fear is there and real, your heart is pounding and your breath is catching but the edge is far, far away.

We all like to think we are near the edge. We all want to be the adventurer, the Indiana Jones grabbing the priceless statues and defeating the booby traps and defying death in our escape. But most of us never get close to the edge. We are kidding ourselves, lying to ourselves in an attempt to assuage an ego dying for some sort of challenge past accounting nightmares, tax audits, and traffic jams.

Honestly most of us will never get close to the “Indiana Jones” edge. Most of us will never attempt to scale Everest or protest injustice in some far off town square facing down government guns. We have real lives that are consumed by the mundane and the average, the normal. Yet the edge has us feel alive and the hint of the possibility of death and dismemberment paradoxically fills us with life and life force. Walking the edge is like that. The line between life and death is very close. And that is the one thing watching the edge on TV doesn’t get me.

So what are you going to do? Chuck it all and go out looking for death defying feats and peaks to climb? Is that really necessary to get closer to the edge? No it is not. But I can guarantee you that you will never find the edge sitting on your butt on the couch watching the Telly and eating crap. And I don’t care what you are watching…it is not the same as doing, it is not the same as stepping into the arena yourself.

So…The Edge…
--get off the freaking couch; stop living your life vicariously through the people who are out there doing it.
--find things that will challenge who you think you are…physically, intellectually, spiritually.
--attack those things like your life depended on them (because it does).
--do it again and again and again.

When was the last time you sprinted? I mean flat out ran as fast as you can? I suspect if you are older than 16 it has been a long, long time. I see it all the time in the gym. People who think they are going fast enough. Fast enough isn’t good enough. It’s the excuse you are giving for not going to the edge. After all you might get out of breath, light headed, or throw up or pass out. You probably won’t die (survival instincts being what they are). You can go faster. You can do more, lift more, be faster and then go again. Always…you really have no idea where the Edge is. You think you have seen it. You think you have stepped over it, but really you haven’t. You are nowhere near the Edge. The real Edge, where the ground is a bit crumbly and a misstep might cost you your life. That Edge is a ways off for most of us (me included.)

You don’t have to chuck it all, no. But you do have to start getting closer. You do have to decide to begin looking for the real edge because it is out there. Start with a simple all out sprint. From here to the telephone pole…as fast as you can…fast like a bear is chasing you and you are the only prey. You are running for your life, that bear is just running for his dinner and if you don’t want him to win you better reach down and find something else in there. As fast as you can. As fast as you have ever gone before. As fast as is possible, leaving absolutely nothing left for the next round because if you don’t beat that bear to the pole there is no next, there is no do over, there is no “mulligan.”

The Edge. Stop being wimpy and get going toward the edge. And when you get there and I mean really get there, not just the photograph of the edge, take a step off. That’s right…go over the edge. And fly. You will be surprised at how far you have come and how far you will go.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...What's Cookin'?

Every day we are cooking something up…maybe today we are cooking up a nice stew of excuses and reasons why we can’t do whatever task should be dong. Maybe today we are cooking up results and the satisfaction that comes from reaching our goals.

Every work out, every class, every coaching session, I see this….there is a certain set of people who just get stuff done. These are the doers”…the ones who do, the ones who just perform. Day in and day out they look at the task at hand and figure out how they are going to make it work….it doesn’t matter how long, or how heavy, or how my legs felt after yesterdays work…they just look at the task at hand and get started.

Then there is the other set of people (and this is most people) that create excuses and reasons why they can’t complete or can’t even start…bad knees, stomach ache, I have never
(______fill in the blank) done that before. It isn’t possible for someone of my age, my size, my disability or my diagnoses. Most people fall into this category, including me. There are parts of my life that are not in control. There are parts of my life I make excuses for…I’m too busy, I’m damaged goods, I don’t have the skill set necessary to make that project work.

There is an excuse for everything. There is a reason you didn’t complete the work out of maybe a reason why you didn’t even show up. There is always an excuse or reason if you just look around to find one. And you won’t have to look very far. There are all right there in front of you. Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep, maybe you ate the wrong food, maybe you didn’t have the right parents, the right education or the right whatever. None of these things matter. If you accept the excuses then you are accepting mediocrity, you are accepting the fact that life or fate or God or the Universe has dealt you a cruel blow, dumped you in a hole from which there is no excuse. You will never be anything but average, you will continue to suffer from terminal; normality. And then you will die… purpose unfulfilled, the tasks you were sent here to complete will have to be filled by someone else.

Really? Really? Is that what you want? Is that what you want for your children (because they are looking at you for guidance, supervision, and emulation)? Why would you want that? There is no ticker tape parade for the first runner –up. There are no songs written, no poems penned for the middle of the pack finisher. The ones who finish in the average position get no kudos.

On the other side of that, maybe you get out there and do it (whatever IT is); maybe you start being different with all your children and/or grandchildren. Maybe you are a doer, one of the group that does things, gets things done. Maybe you don’t have any excuses for poor performance….maybe what you do is look at how close you got and start working out ways to improve…there is no failure, there is no defeat. There is only your absolute best with no excuses and no reasons. Just your absolute all out effort…the one that leaves you exhausted and spent, the one that has you knowing in your heart there was no more nothing else to give.

You get to decide in everything you do which camp you fall into…the doers or the excuse makers. Which are you? For a lot of people they have been in one of the two most of their lives. They have been either doing or making excuses most of their lives. Maybe you are a doer in most parts of your life but you make excuses in another. You do however from this point forward get to decide what you are cooking?

Are you cooking up a mess of excuses and reasons and crap about why you aren’t’ everything you could be, about why you aren’t who you think you should be, about why you are mire in terminal normality?

Or are you cooking up a meal of success, a meal of absolute best effort and vision, one that will keep on trying until the bitter end. One that won’t let an excuse (it hurts, I’m broken. I can’t) get in between them and their ultimate success.

I don’t want to eat the bitterness of knowing I could have done better. I don’t want to taste the sour and sharp bite of average, or normal, of OK. I want to dine on the pain of failure to achieve the goal knowing I put it all out there, I left nothing back. The meal I want to eat is the one flavored with effort and pride of getting things done, seasoned in a marinade of individual effort and vision. That’s the meal I want. Not the leftovers and, might have beens or could have beens.

How about you? Are you cooking up some excuse for not eating right, exercising, loving more, smiling more, being kinder, and learning things?
Or are you cooking up a meal of done?
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...No Rainy Day

There are some things you should save for a rainy day…these are usually things that are hard to get or hard to renew on a daily basis, like money, for instance. You should save some for a rainy day, for a time when you need to put your hands on it in a hurry. It wouldn’t hurt to have some food stashed just in case some calamity happens and probably a good idea to have some water in case that fails. These are things you should save for a rainy day.

A lot of people talk about saving time. Now, I don’t know about you but I have never owned a “time bank”. I have had a piggy bank but never a time bank. If you know how to save time I would love to chat sometime. The fact, as I understand it, is that once the day is done that 24 hours is gone and will never return again. Each of us has received 24 hours a day, 168 hours a week to spend however we see fit. I get the same as you; you get the same as the person ½ the world away. And once it is gone, it is gone. There is no reason to think you can save time to be used tomorrow when you need 25 hours in your day. Can you be more efficient? Of course you can. You can figure out ways to be more efficient, to use your time more wisely, to squeeze more activity or more action in your minutes but you can’t save them up and spend them another day. It just isn’t possible.

Another thing you can’t save for later is sleep. I don’t ever remember seeing a sleep bank either. It would be nice, though…if I only get 6 hours tonight, I could just go down to my sleep bank and grab a couple hours and get caught up. Nope, I think not. I think once I get up and start moving I slept what I slept. I might get a nap later in the day but that isn’t like having a sleep bank I can make a withdrawal from.

Probably the one where almost all of us think we should save some back, not use it all up, keep some in reserve is our vital energy. Guess what? When I got up this morning I had a store of energy. How I slept what I am eating, who I am being, how my activities run will affect how much energy I have to expend today but when I go to bed I will have used what I used and I don’t get to save what’s left for a rainy day. There is no energy dish on my night stand where I get to put what I didn’t use like I do with the change from my pockets. So why do we think we should save it for later?

I see this all the time in my fitness classes. People who are trying to “game” the workout so they have enough energy for later. Really? What are you going to save it for? Why are you not giving it all you have right here and right now? Leave it all on the mat. Give it all you have. When you are done with the workout you should be all in…nothing left. And when you are finished you might feel like you got run over by a Mack truck or you may feel like you just won an Olympic Medal but you will know that you didn’t save any for “later”.

Because “later” isn’t coming. Winter is coming. Death is coming. Later is never going to arrive. Later will always be out there, some ethereal undefined span of time you are waiting for. Your vital energy is not limited. It renews constantly. And if you cultivate the right practices you will find your energy renews and rejuvenates itself faster and faster as you get better at it. So I can spend every ounce of energy I have running, racing, lifting, working, thinking, or loving and if I play my cards right I can come back in short order and get ready to spend more sooner. But how will you ever know if you don’t empty that well? Are you afraid the well will be empty in perpetuity, never to fill again? It’s possible but when that day comes you probably won’t know it anyway.

Stop saving something for later…empty your well. Find out how fast it refills. And if you don’t like the answer, figure out how to recover, renew, and rejuvenate faster. Get better sleep, eat better food, eat the right food for recovery, take an ice bath, get a massage, and be more efficient in your movement but stop saving it for later. Give it all up, every time you can.

You can always do more than you think you can.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Which One are You Feeding?

There is an old story, usually attributed to an ancient Native American Elder, told to illustrate the importance of mind set and attitude. It goes something like this:

An elder while talking to his youngest grandson tells the story of the battle that rages within him. One side is represented by a white wolf and this side is the good, the positive, the noble, the selfless and the ideal. The other side is represented by a black wolf and this side is the base, the evil, the selfish, the vain, and the venal. And these two wolves are in a battle for my mind, my attitude, my life. And the Grandson asks, “Which one wins Grandfather?” The elder looks at him closely and says quietly, “The one I feed.”

The point of the story is simple if you feed upon the negative the negative is going to win. The positive, the good will be forced out and away. There will be no fuel for that fire. On the other hand when I feed the black wolf that fire explodes and consumes everything in its path. So which one are you going to feed?


There is a correlation to this story and this is where I am going today. In the land of relationships there is a similar thought process. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship it is, maybe with your spouse, or loved one, maybe with a parent or a child, perhaps a friend or a trusted co-worker. This story goes like this:

Your relationship has two photo/story books. They are both on the shelf waiting for you to take one down and spend your time going through it. The first book is the book of criticism, condemnation, and contempt. This book has all the memories of the fights, the words spoken in anger, the looks of derision, the attitudes of contempt and all the trappings of negativity about that person. The other book is the book of admiration, adoration, and adulation. This book is the book of all the love and admiration you have for this person, the kind words you have passed between you, the happy memories, the triumphs you have experienced together, the moments of peace, love and happiness together.

When I spend all my time in the first book, the book of criticism, condemnation, and contempt, my relationship is going nowhere fast. Contempt is probably the worst indicator for success in a relationship. If I hold you in contempt it is going to be very difficult to continue in a loving relationship.
On the other hand, if I spend all my time looking at the second book, the book of admiration, adoration, and adulation, my relationship is going to look much happier. It is hard to be mad or stay mad at the object of my adoration and adulation. Any anger or hurt will melt away in the face of those three qualities.


It is easy to take down the book of criticism, condemnation, and contempt. It is, for so many of us the default position we take in the world. We are feeding the black wolf of negativity, of pain, suffering and misery. This really is easy. This book can be such an easy read and it just spirals downward; getting us deeper and deeper into that dark well of despair over that person.

The second book is where our happiness lies. This book may be harder to lift and open and spend time in, especially in the face of hurt, anger, and betrayal but this book is where your salvation lies. Carrying around anger is like carrying a hot coal and expecting it to burn the other person. If we can just get that book down off the shelf and open it for a moment or two our outlook will change, our attitude will improve and even if the relationship is still difficult, still hard, at least my attitude will be one of improvement and, peace and comfort. Happy memories, kind words, and pleasant touches make it very difficult to stay with that black wolf.



When you think back over the people you have lost in your life do you remember the unkindness or the kindness? Do you remember the smiles or the frowns, the harsh words or the kind words? Which do you want to remember? Those are the things in the second book, the book of admiration, adoration, and adulation. Maybe you can’t find that book anymore. Maybe that book has been lost for so long you no longer know where it is. Maybe you haven’t wanted to find it. Maybe you have already given up on the relationship. All of that doesn’t matter. The book is right there waiting for you to dust it off and open those pages and start breathing life into your admiration, adoration and adulation…even if the physical relationship has gone, even if the person is no longer here with us, even if your connection has been severed. You must stop carrying around that hot coal, it is burning only you. So get up and take that other book down and put the book of criticism, condemnation, and contempt somewhere where it will be hard to find.



Remember the one that wins is the one you feed. So which wolf are you feeding in your relationship?


Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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