Sunday Story...Which One are You Feeding?

There is an old story, usually attributed to an ancient Native American Elder, told to illustrate the importance of mind set and attitude. It goes something like this:

An elder while talking to his youngest grandson tells the story of the battle that rages within him. One side is represented by a white wolf and this side is the good, the positive, the noble, the selfless and the ideal. The other side is represented by a black wolf and this side is the base, the evil, the selfish, the vain, and the venal. And these two wolves are in a battle for my mind, my attitude, my life. And the Grandson asks, “Which one wins Grandfather?” The elder looks at him closely and says quietly, “The one I feed.”

The point of the story is simple if you feed upon the negative the negative is going to win. The positive, the good will be forced out and away. There will be no fuel for that fire. On the other hand when I feed the black wolf that fire explodes and consumes everything in its path. So which one are you going to feed?


There is a correlation to this story and this is where I am going today. In the land of relationships there is a similar thought process. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship it is, maybe with your spouse, or loved one, maybe with a parent or a child, perhaps a friend or a trusted co-worker. This story goes like this:

Your relationship has two photo/story books. They are both on the shelf waiting for you to take one down and spend your time going through it. The first book is the book of criticism, condemnation, and contempt. This book has all the memories of the fights, the words spoken in anger, the looks of derision, the attitudes of contempt and all the trappings of negativity about that person. The other book is the book of admiration, adoration, and adulation. This book is the book of all the love and admiration you have for this person, the kind words you have passed between you, the happy memories, the triumphs you have experienced together, the moments of peace, love and happiness together.

When I spend all my time in the first book, the book of criticism, condemnation, and contempt, my relationship is going nowhere fast. Contempt is probably the worst indicator for success in a relationship. If I hold you in contempt it is going to be very difficult to continue in a loving relationship.
On the other hand, if I spend all my time looking at the second book, the book of admiration, adoration, and adulation, my relationship is going to look much happier. It is hard to be mad or stay mad at the object of my adoration and adulation. Any anger or hurt will melt away in the face of those three qualities.


It is easy to take down the book of criticism, condemnation, and contempt. It is, for so many of us the default position we take in the world. We are feeding the black wolf of negativity, of pain, suffering and misery. This really is easy. This book can be such an easy read and it just spirals downward; getting us deeper and deeper into that dark well of despair over that person.

The second book is where our happiness lies. This book may be harder to lift and open and spend time in, especially in the face of hurt, anger, and betrayal but this book is where your salvation lies. Carrying around anger is like carrying a hot coal and expecting it to burn the other person. If we can just get that book down off the shelf and open it for a moment or two our outlook will change, our attitude will improve and even if the relationship is still difficult, still hard, at least my attitude will be one of improvement and, peace and comfort. Happy memories, kind words, and pleasant touches make it very difficult to stay with that black wolf.



When you think back over the people you have lost in your life do you remember the unkindness or the kindness? Do you remember the smiles or the frowns, the harsh words or the kind words? Which do you want to remember? Those are the things in the second book, the book of admiration, adoration, and adulation. Maybe you can’t find that book anymore. Maybe that book has been lost for so long you no longer know where it is. Maybe you haven’t wanted to find it. Maybe you have already given up on the relationship. All of that doesn’t matter. The book is right there waiting for you to dust it off and open those pages and start breathing life into your admiration, adoration and adulation…even if the physical relationship has gone, even if the person is no longer here with us, even if your connection has been severed. You must stop carrying around that hot coal, it is burning only you. So get up and take that other book down and put the book of criticism, condemnation, and contempt somewhere where it will be hard to find.



Remember the one that wins is the one you feed. So which wolf are you feeding in your relationship?


Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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