Posts
Sunday Story…Focus, Re-Focus
"The world beyond will not belong to 'managers' or those who can make the numbers dance. The world will belong to passionate, driven leaders -- people who will not only have enormous amounts of energy but who can energize those whom they lead."
— Jack Welch
Businessman and CEO of General Electric
OK…Every week I sit down in front of this computer screen and these words magically appear and I send them out to all of you to read. At least that’s the way it seems most of the time. I have some idea, or some catalyst that starts the ball rolling and WHAM! the next thing I know the thing is done. I have this laser beam of focus that seems to keep me on task. But sometimes it is more difficult than others. And I think we all experience this halting step from time to time.
Maybe you are worried about your finances or your job. Maybe you are falling in love or falling out of love. Maybe the people closest to you are having difficulties with their health. Maybe you just can’t seem to get your head around what it is you are supposed to be doing.
There are a myriad of distractions in this world we live in today. Cell phones, computers, personal music devices, video games, and television just to name a few. It is so easy to get sucked into the vortex of hyper-communication and “busy-ness”. How many time have you said…”I am so busy, I barely have time to turn around” or something like that. The laundry, the dishes, the kids, the job, and the spouse, all call to us incessantly.
All of these things can make it hard to focus on what really matters. All those bells and whistles calling out, all the siren calls are pulling us in different directions. What can you do to stay true to your purpose, stay on course with your mission?
There are 4 questions I ask myself when I am doing anything:
1. How am I making a difference?
2. Is what I am doing right now on purpose?
3. Is this what I really want to do?
4. Am I following my passion?
Here are some simple tips and tricks to get you back on track (some of them obviously work since you are reading this today!):
Step away from the desk…get outside, take a brisk walk, breath some fresh air
• Get your mission statement out, go to the nearest mirror and start reading it aloud to your self
• Meditate…take 15 minutes to just sit and let your mind clear, concentrate on your breath going in and out.
• Read a short inspirational passage in your favorite book
• Get your hair shirt out and beat yourself with a stick (not really, just checking to see if you are paying attention)
• Train/exercise
• Call a friend and tell them your problem, maybe they will have a spark for you.
In the face of adversity or in the jaws of difficulty, the truly purpose driven person will find a way to fulfill their purpose, their mission. This is one of the ways we know we are on the right track. When the entire world is cracking up you can only see the mission. When the crew is mutinying and threatening to throw you overboard you find the right words to get them back on the job. When every fiber of your being is resisting and fighting, you relax, breathe, and push forward knowing the mission is right and the purpose is there to be fulfilled.
This is leadership in the new world. This is visionary, purposeful living. We are all leading, if only ourselves. So lead yourself where you want to go, not where the wind will blow you.
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Follow my blog at http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
Twitter me at: http://twitter.com/jmariotti
Facebook: John Mariotti
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Sunday Story…Simple, but not so Easy
“I have the simplest of tastes. I only want the best.” Oscar Wilde
Over the last year or two I have been on a campaign to simplify my life. To create a life that has more spaciousness and abundance in it by having less stuff taking up room. And, it seems, the entire world may now be going in the same direction. So, I guess I will now take full and complete responsibility for the current economic morass we find ourselves in! See, if you would have been reading these pages closely you would have know to sell 18 months ago!
We have been living beyond our means. We have been living beyond our needs. We have been living beyond our capacity to replace what we are using up. And to make things even worse we have been doing so without intention and consciousness. Like living in some fog of consumerism where the party never ends, money flows like water and the detritus of life keeps piling up. If we said I don’t care, I am going to use all the resources I can find, I am going to create a huge mess for my children’s children’s children to clean up then OK. At least we did so consciously and with intention. But no, we just went along fat dumb and happy, in essence like some bovine chewing a cud waiting to get hit smack dab in the forehead with a hammer.
The music has shifted from “Party like a Rock Star” to “Brother can you spare a dime”. From rock and roll to dirge and the lamenting can be heard the world over. And it is all my fault. I woke up. I woke up and looked around my life and decided to put myself on a reduced consumption diet. I reduced my living quarters from 1500 sq ft. to less than 1000 sq ft and I think it is still too big. I jettisoned enough stuff to get my car into a one car garage. I boxed up and gave away decades of books and cds. I donated clothes that were unnecessary to a simpler lifestyle. I committed to buying almost nothing new and wearing what I have to the end of its life. My car has 185,000 miles on it and is 9 years old and I will not be replacing it anytime soon.
I ride my bike 5 out of 6 days to work and back. This is easier because I moved out of the outlying areas into the closer and not so urbane area in the middle of town. I don’t buy plastic bags, foil or paper towels. I recycle in a town that has no recycling and I compost everything compostable. My clothes dry on a rack and my heat is kept at a miserly 55 degrees. I feel abundant and spacious.
BUT (just a question of when for this right?), this isn’t really what this is about…to see who can live the simplest, like “no-impact” man (http://noimpactman.typepad.com/blog/2007/02/the_no_impact_e.html) in NYC who lived without electricity and stuff for a year. Nor is it about trying to return to the loin cloth and caves of our prehistoric past. Folks this is about ATTITUDE, INTENTION, and CONSCIOUSNESS. This is about waking up to the abundance of resources about us. Not the money, the, cars, the houses, the watches, the STUFF, but the people, the community, the hearts, the LOVE that surrounds us. We are rich in social capital. My heart breaks when I see people without food so I am creating a community garden project. A place where people can learn how to tend a physical garden, one that will provide a harvest of good nutritious food in return for their labor. AND a place for the garden of their soul to heal and re-connect with the cycle of life. This garden will be in my huge empty back yard. It is a gift to my community, to the people who want to be reconnected with life, who want to understand that social capital is more important than capital spending. And as each of us gives our time, energy, expertise and energy to the physical garden our own interior garden will grow and bloom and provide a bounty of soulful nutrition.
The community will be richer and more united. Not “look at those people why don’t they do something” but rather “look at those people what something can I do?” When I see the people stand in line at the food pantry, I see my neighbors who moved out at night recently. I see the parents of children I have taught and sometimes I see the children I have taught waiting in line and playing in the parking lot as well. I see an attitude of loss and shame and I am chagrined. How have I let this come to pass? Did my flagrant disregard of resources, my lust for the newest phone, the latest gadget, a new flat screen TV, and my accumulation of stuff cause me to lose sight of the truly important thing? The care and feeding of the human hearts around me is the important thing. This is where abundance and prosperity lie.
So, yes, the economic downturn, the recession, the financial catastrophe is my entire fault. I woke up from my dream and decided I didn’t want to live like that anymore. I awoke mad as hell and determined to change the world I live in, right here right now. This is simple my friends. Just wake up from your soporific existence and throw open the window and let the light and fresh air in. I am tilling the soil, shaking up the status quo so I can plant the seeds that will enrich my life, the lives of my community and the world. It is already being done by me.
When we have less, we have more. More space for spirit, more time to listen to the rocks move. More appreciation for the best things. Oscar Wilde was right…My tastes are simple. And the simpler my tastes are the easier it is to truly appreciate the best things…dust swirling in the spring sunlight, joyful laughter of children playing, and the satisfaction of living in a world of harmony and beauty.
Simple yes but not so easy.
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Follow my blog at http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
Twitter me at: http://twitter.com/jmariotti
Facebook: John Mariotti
“I have the simplest of tastes. I only want the best.” Oscar Wilde
Over the last year or two I have been on a campaign to simplify my life. To create a life that has more spaciousness and abundance in it by having less stuff taking up room. And, it seems, the entire world may now be going in the same direction. So, I guess I will now take full and complete responsibility for the current economic morass we find ourselves in! See, if you would have been reading these pages closely you would have know to sell 18 months ago!
We have been living beyond our means. We have been living beyond our needs. We have been living beyond our capacity to replace what we are using up. And to make things even worse we have been doing so without intention and consciousness. Like living in some fog of consumerism where the party never ends, money flows like water and the detritus of life keeps piling up. If we said I don’t care, I am going to use all the resources I can find, I am going to create a huge mess for my children’s children’s children to clean up then OK. At least we did so consciously and with intention. But no, we just went along fat dumb and happy, in essence like some bovine chewing a cud waiting to get hit smack dab in the forehead with a hammer.
The music has shifted from “Party like a Rock Star” to “Brother can you spare a dime”. From rock and roll to dirge and the lamenting can be heard the world over. And it is all my fault. I woke up. I woke up and looked around my life and decided to put myself on a reduced consumption diet. I reduced my living quarters from 1500 sq ft. to less than 1000 sq ft and I think it is still too big. I jettisoned enough stuff to get my car into a one car garage. I boxed up and gave away decades of books and cds. I donated clothes that were unnecessary to a simpler lifestyle. I committed to buying almost nothing new and wearing what I have to the end of its life. My car has 185,000 miles on it and is 9 years old and I will not be replacing it anytime soon.
I ride my bike 5 out of 6 days to work and back. This is easier because I moved out of the outlying areas into the closer and not so urbane area in the middle of town. I don’t buy plastic bags, foil or paper towels. I recycle in a town that has no recycling and I compost everything compostable. My clothes dry on a rack and my heat is kept at a miserly 55 degrees. I feel abundant and spacious.
BUT (just a question of when for this right?), this isn’t really what this is about…to see who can live the simplest, like “no-impact” man (http://noimpactman.typepad.com/blog/2007/02/the_no_impact_e.html) in NYC who lived without electricity and stuff for a year. Nor is it about trying to return to the loin cloth and caves of our prehistoric past. Folks this is about ATTITUDE, INTENTION, and CONSCIOUSNESS. This is about waking up to the abundance of resources about us. Not the money, the, cars, the houses, the watches, the STUFF, but the people, the community, the hearts, the LOVE that surrounds us. We are rich in social capital. My heart breaks when I see people without food so I am creating a community garden project. A place where people can learn how to tend a physical garden, one that will provide a harvest of good nutritious food in return for their labor. AND a place for the garden of their soul to heal and re-connect with the cycle of life. This garden will be in my huge empty back yard. It is a gift to my community, to the people who want to be reconnected with life, who want to understand that social capital is more important than capital spending. And as each of us gives our time, energy, expertise and energy to the physical garden our own interior garden will grow and bloom and provide a bounty of soulful nutrition.
The community will be richer and more united. Not “look at those people why don’t they do something” but rather “look at those people what something can I do?” When I see the people stand in line at the food pantry, I see my neighbors who moved out at night recently. I see the parents of children I have taught and sometimes I see the children I have taught waiting in line and playing in the parking lot as well. I see an attitude of loss and shame and I am chagrined. How have I let this come to pass? Did my flagrant disregard of resources, my lust for the newest phone, the latest gadget, a new flat screen TV, and my accumulation of stuff cause me to lose sight of the truly important thing? The care and feeding of the human hearts around me is the important thing. This is where abundance and prosperity lie.
So, yes, the economic downturn, the recession, the financial catastrophe is my entire fault. I woke up from my dream and decided I didn’t want to live like that anymore. I awoke mad as hell and determined to change the world I live in, right here right now. This is simple my friends. Just wake up from your soporific existence and throw open the window and let the light and fresh air in. I am tilling the soil, shaking up the status quo so I can plant the seeds that will enrich my life, the lives of my community and the world. It is already being done by me.
When we have less, we have more. More space for spirit, more time to listen to the rocks move. More appreciation for the best things. Oscar Wilde was right…My tastes are simple. And the simpler my tastes are the easier it is to truly appreciate the best things…dust swirling in the spring sunlight, joyful laughter of children playing, and the satisfaction of living in a world of harmony and beauty.
Simple yes but not so easy.
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Follow my blog at http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
Twitter me at: http://twitter.com/jmariotti
Facebook: John Mariotti
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Sunday Story…Thoughts for Food
“…It’s remarkable how much mediocrity we live with, surrounding ourselves with daily reminders that the average is the acceptable. Our world suffers from terminal normality…” Stewart Emory
Last week a friend told me about an assignment her son was asked to do for his history class. The assignment called for him to put himself in the place of a Plantation owner in the Southern USA when slavery was prevalent. It instructed him to write and explore how he would deal with the “slave problem”, how he would deal with runaways and discipline and how he could motivate them to get the most from their labor. There were several restrictions on the assignment including the one that stated freeing the slaves was not an option. Needless to say I was shocked. I am not sure how this kind of exploration serves our learning and understanding of the problem. Worse than that…thinking about how I am going to treat my slaves is just wrong. This kind of thinking can drive us right into the conceptual idea that slavery isn’t so bad. And that is a very bad thing indeed.
I teach a thing called FAST defense. In FAST defense I become the assailant, the “bad guy”. I assume the role of attacker, mugger, and rapist. I wear a suit that allows the participants to defend themselves in real time using full force techniques on a human person (me). It is dirty work for me. It pushes lots of buttons for me. Buttons of being overly aggressive and angry, buttons of doing and saying very evil and nasty things to people I may know and like. And in the “woofer” mode my job is to have you travel down the road of adrenal response. To feel in your guts that fear and energy that could cost you your life or sanity and to discover the power inside you that converts fear into power. Without the woofer you do not get adrenalized and do not discover how to turn fear into power. The woofer is acting. He is not the actual assailant, and when it is all over the woofer returns to his normal personality. But I can speak from experience that the return is not immediate. There is something that happens to you when you enter the mindset of “dirt bag”, or rapist, or just plain old bad guy. There is a residual, a left over, “the ring around the chi” that lingers around until you clear it off. When we finish FAST training I always have to take some time to cleanse myself of all the negative energy and thoughts that I have created. Putting myself in the place of a slave owner is the same exercise as “woofing” and would require cleansing after the exercise.
Why should you stay away from network news and negative information? It is not as if you are putting any emotion or energy into the news, right? Negative thoughts and information carry a lot of chi or energy in their natural state. There are concepts in the world that, by their very nature, carry so much emotion and life (or death) force that they are going to generate strong reaction in us. Murder, Slavery, Pedophilia are all actions and concepts that are hurtful to the human soul and psyche. Exploring these things can be very dangerous to your soul. Not because you are going to do them but because they have the ability to evoke very strong emotions in us in a negative sense. But we also can’t be a “polly anna” either. These things happen every day in our world and to ignore them is to condone them. But we cannot spend every waking hour putting ourselves in the shoes of the evil doers. It is not productive for our mental state of mind. There are some things that do not belong in our bodies or our minds. We need to know the dangers, we need to train to prevent the dangers from happening to us and our loved ones, and we need to understand what and how these evils occur. BUT we do not need to start thinking like the evil doers. That is a tunnel with no cheese at the end of it.
My thoughts become my reality. What I spend my time on in the interior of my mind is where I will spend my time on in the exterior of my life. If I spend my time thinking about all the bad things, the negative things going on in the world today, my mind will become polluted like a stream being constantly fed poison. It will never have a chance to cleanse itself.
We need to feed our mind like we feed our body, with good solid food. The kind of food that will empower us to become greater than we are today. There are many sources for the kind of nourishment I am talking about…for many scripture is their food, for others it is personal growth book. Spiritual literature, teaching stories, uplifting movies (Spiritual Cinema), music that messages the positive are all things that will feed your mind and your soul positively. Going to workshops to learn new skills, or to get information about your inner aspects, or to find more like minded people will all provide nutrients for your inner ecology. Meditation and prayer on a daily basis help provide the habitual framework for positive thinking and a mental outlook that goes beyond the ordinary. The habit of reading uplifting literature before going to bed will create, in your subconscious, an environment of hope and joy.
I leave you with this quote from Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
What are you doing today to be the powerful being you are meant to be? Who says you cannot be all the things you want to be? Get out of your head and get into our heart. Into the part of you that knows, deep down, that you are meant to raise the vibration of every living thing on this planet.
Let’s start now, together, on a journey that will move mountains.
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Join my blog at http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com or find me on Facebook. More stuff coming soon…
“…It’s remarkable how much mediocrity we live with, surrounding ourselves with daily reminders that the average is the acceptable. Our world suffers from terminal normality…” Stewart Emory
Last week a friend told me about an assignment her son was asked to do for his history class. The assignment called for him to put himself in the place of a Plantation owner in the Southern USA when slavery was prevalent. It instructed him to write and explore how he would deal with the “slave problem”, how he would deal with runaways and discipline and how he could motivate them to get the most from their labor. There were several restrictions on the assignment including the one that stated freeing the slaves was not an option. Needless to say I was shocked. I am not sure how this kind of exploration serves our learning and understanding of the problem. Worse than that…thinking about how I am going to treat my slaves is just wrong. This kind of thinking can drive us right into the conceptual idea that slavery isn’t so bad. And that is a very bad thing indeed.
I teach a thing called FAST defense. In FAST defense I become the assailant, the “bad guy”. I assume the role of attacker, mugger, and rapist. I wear a suit that allows the participants to defend themselves in real time using full force techniques on a human person (me). It is dirty work for me. It pushes lots of buttons for me. Buttons of being overly aggressive and angry, buttons of doing and saying very evil and nasty things to people I may know and like. And in the “woofer” mode my job is to have you travel down the road of adrenal response. To feel in your guts that fear and energy that could cost you your life or sanity and to discover the power inside you that converts fear into power. Without the woofer you do not get adrenalized and do not discover how to turn fear into power. The woofer is acting. He is not the actual assailant, and when it is all over the woofer returns to his normal personality. But I can speak from experience that the return is not immediate. There is something that happens to you when you enter the mindset of “dirt bag”, or rapist, or just plain old bad guy. There is a residual, a left over, “the ring around the chi” that lingers around until you clear it off. When we finish FAST training I always have to take some time to cleanse myself of all the negative energy and thoughts that I have created. Putting myself in the place of a slave owner is the same exercise as “woofing” and would require cleansing after the exercise.
Why should you stay away from network news and negative information? It is not as if you are putting any emotion or energy into the news, right? Negative thoughts and information carry a lot of chi or energy in their natural state. There are concepts in the world that, by their very nature, carry so much emotion and life (or death) force that they are going to generate strong reaction in us. Murder, Slavery, Pedophilia are all actions and concepts that are hurtful to the human soul and psyche. Exploring these things can be very dangerous to your soul. Not because you are going to do them but because they have the ability to evoke very strong emotions in us in a negative sense. But we also can’t be a “polly anna” either. These things happen every day in our world and to ignore them is to condone them. But we cannot spend every waking hour putting ourselves in the shoes of the evil doers. It is not productive for our mental state of mind. There are some things that do not belong in our bodies or our minds. We need to know the dangers, we need to train to prevent the dangers from happening to us and our loved ones, and we need to understand what and how these evils occur. BUT we do not need to start thinking like the evil doers. That is a tunnel with no cheese at the end of it.
My thoughts become my reality. What I spend my time on in the interior of my mind is where I will spend my time on in the exterior of my life. If I spend my time thinking about all the bad things, the negative things going on in the world today, my mind will become polluted like a stream being constantly fed poison. It will never have a chance to cleanse itself.
We need to feed our mind like we feed our body, with good solid food. The kind of food that will empower us to become greater than we are today. There are many sources for the kind of nourishment I am talking about…for many scripture is their food, for others it is personal growth book. Spiritual literature, teaching stories, uplifting movies (Spiritual Cinema), music that messages the positive are all things that will feed your mind and your soul positively. Going to workshops to learn new skills, or to get information about your inner aspects, or to find more like minded people will all provide nutrients for your inner ecology. Meditation and prayer on a daily basis help provide the habitual framework for positive thinking and a mental outlook that goes beyond the ordinary. The habit of reading uplifting literature before going to bed will create, in your subconscious, an environment of hope and joy.
I leave you with this quote from Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
What are you doing today to be the powerful being you are meant to be? Who says you cannot be all the things you want to be? Get out of your head and get into our heart. Into the part of you that knows, deep down, that you are meant to raise the vibration of every living thing on this planet.
Let’s start now, together, on a journey that will move mountains.
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Join my blog at http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com or find me on Facebook. More stuff coming soon…
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Sunday Story...Don't Should on Me
Sunday Story…Don’t Should on Me
“The most difficult battle you will ever face is the battle to be unique” James Arthur Ray
The other day a friend and I were having tea (actually carrot juice but tea sounds so much more urbane) and he expressed a concern about all the things he “should” be doing. Getting out in nature more, using cloth diapers, growing a garden all came “shoulding” out. Then I attended a talk given by a very knowledgeable Doctor about fitness and nutrition. And I got “should” on all over. This phrase we use so often is so charged with emotion that it is frightening. These 2 conversations set me to thinking about all the things I “should” be doing. And where do those things come from that I should be doing? Who says I “should” be doing those things? Because, really, if those things were all that important wouldn’t I already be doing them?
Then I start carrying around all my “shoulds” with the rest of My Stuff. This is going to require an awfully big sack after a decade or two. I might even need a hand truck or wagon or something to get it all in! I should have gone to Law School. I should have married that person. I should have taken that job, joined the Army or the Peace Corps, or written that letter. And then there are the people around me telling me about all the things I “should” be doing, or “should” have done. You should exercise more. You should eat better, meditate, and be kinder to animals. Yes you should.
But I feel so bad when I think about the things I should be doing and am not doing. I feel guilty when I don’t exercise, or when I eat food that doesn’t nourish my body the way I want to. I feel remorse when I look back and realize I should have done this or that. These feelings arise because I think some need I have is not being fulfilled. I have a need for health. When I do not exercise that need is not fulfilled. But I do exercise (OK, I don’t exercise, I train) a lot. So how is it if I miss a session I start “shoulding” all over myself. I should have exercised today. Then I start feeling badly and start using the guilt gun on myself. But I did exercise yesterday. And I can exercise tomorrow. So where does this feeling of guilt arise from. What need did I miss, because I am fulfilling my need for health already?
“Should” arises from a cognitive dissonance set up by some expectation I or someone else or society has put upon me. I have an expectation to exercise daily. When I don’t do that I am “out of integrity” with my own plan and my vision of myself. The dis-harmony that this creates is a cognitive dissonance. Think of it as one note on a piano being out of tune. Every time that key is stroked the tune sounds poorly. The more keys that are broken or out of tune the less likely it is that the tune will be harmonious and pleasant to the ear. The more often that I play the tune with broken keys the less likely I am to keep playing the piano. Or, the more often I experience the cognitive dissonance of not exercising when I planned to the more likely it is that I will stop altogether. I dislike the feelings that cognitive dissonance creates in me.
I can fix this cognitive dissonance, these broken keys, if you will. I can refocus my exercise goals. I can make a new plan that will change the dis-harmony into a melody again. The real problem arises from the vague rules or expectations our society puts upon us. This dissonance is a little harder to deal with. I should have a bigger house, a larger bank account, a newer car. Society and culture puts this out there as the one, right, and true way. I should do all these things to be truly productive or successful. Says who? When society “shoulds” on me I can take it to heart and try to create harmony that has my goals and society’s perceived needs in alignment with one another. Or maybe I should play a different tune that doesn’t need to use those broken keys. Maybe I can create a new music that will be in harmony with the world I want to live in, a world where the “shoulds" of society aren’t getting smeared all over me (go here to see what these people are doing about their “shoulds”… http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=3619)
This requires me to re-write my programming. This re-creation of what I want to do, what I want my world to look like will require work on my part. It is easy to do what society says I “should” do…get married, have a career, retire, watch the latest reality TV show, and get the latest gadget. It is a little more challenging to discover your purpose and then live every day into the vision of fulfilling your purpose. Discovering what I am meant to do, who the real me is supposed to be is work boys and girls. The struggle to be unique, to be truly how I am not who I “should” be is worthy of our trip here. Or as e. e. cummings said…”It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.”
So…ready to grow up?
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Join my blog at http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com or find me on Facebook. More stuff coming soon…
“The most difficult battle you will ever face is the battle to be unique” James Arthur Ray
The other day a friend and I were having tea (actually carrot juice but tea sounds so much more urbane) and he expressed a concern about all the things he “should” be doing. Getting out in nature more, using cloth diapers, growing a garden all came “shoulding” out. Then I attended a talk given by a very knowledgeable Doctor about fitness and nutrition. And I got “should” on all over. This phrase we use so often is so charged with emotion that it is frightening. These 2 conversations set me to thinking about all the things I “should” be doing. And where do those things come from that I should be doing? Who says I “should” be doing those things? Because, really, if those things were all that important wouldn’t I already be doing them?
Then I start carrying around all my “shoulds” with the rest of My Stuff. This is going to require an awfully big sack after a decade or two. I might even need a hand truck or wagon or something to get it all in! I should have gone to Law School. I should have married that person. I should have taken that job, joined the Army or the Peace Corps, or written that letter. And then there are the people around me telling me about all the things I “should” be doing, or “should” have done. You should exercise more. You should eat better, meditate, and be kinder to animals. Yes you should.
But I feel so bad when I think about the things I should be doing and am not doing. I feel guilty when I don’t exercise, or when I eat food that doesn’t nourish my body the way I want to. I feel remorse when I look back and realize I should have done this or that. These feelings arise because I think some need I have is not being fulfilled. I have a need for health. When I do not exercise that need is not fulfilled. But I do exercise (OK, I don’t exercise, I train) a lot. So how is it if I miss a session I start “shoulding” all over myself. I should have exercised today. Then I start feeling badly and start using the guilt gun on myself. But I did exercise yesterday. And I can exercise tomorrow. So where does this feeling of guilt arise from. What need did I miss, because I am fulfilling my need for health already?
“Should” arises from a cognitive dissonance set up by some expectation I or someone else or society has put upon me. I have an expectation to exercise daily. When I don’t do that I am “out of integrity” with my own plan and my vision of myself. The dis-harmony that this creates is a cognitive dissonance. Think of it as one note on a piano being out of tune. Every time that key is stroked the tune sounds poorly. The more keys that are broken or out of tune the less likely it is that the tune will be harmonious and pleasant to the ear. The more often that I play the tune with broken keys the less likely I am to keep playing the piano. Or, the more often I experience the cognitive dissonance of not exercising when I planned to the more likely it is that I will stop altogether. I dislike the feelings that cognitive dissonance creates in me.
I can fix this cognitive dissonance, these broken keys, if you will. I can refocus my exercise goals. I can make a new plan that will change the dis-harmony into a melody again. The real problem arises from the vague rules or expectations our society puts upon us. This dissonance is a little harder to deal with. I should have a bigger house, a larger bank account, a newer car. Society and culture puts this out there as the one, right, and true way. I should do all these things to be truly productive or successful. Says who? When society “shoulds” on me I can take it to heart and try to create harmony that has my goals and society’s perceived needs in alignment with one another. Or maybe I should play a different tune that doesn’t need to use those broken keys. Maybe I can create a new music that will be in harmony with the world I want to live in, a world where the “shoulds" of society aren’t getting smeared all over me (go here to see what these people are doing about their “shoulds”… http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=3619)
This requires me to re-write my programming. This re-creation of what I want to do, what I want my world to look like will require work on my part. It is easy to do what society says I “should” do…get married, have a career, retire, watch the latest reality TV show, and get the latest gadget. It is a little more challenging to discover your purpose and then live every day into the vision of fulfilling your purpose. Discovering what I am meant to do, who the real me is supposed to be is work boys and girls. The struggle to be unique, to be truly how I am not who I “should” be is worthy of our trip here. Or as e. e. cummings said…”It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.”
So…ready to grow up?
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
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