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Sunday Story…Don’t Should on Me
“The most difficult battle you will ever face is the battle to be unique” James Arthur Ray
The other day a friend and I were having tea (actually carrot juice but tea sounds so much more urbane) and he expressed a concern about all the things he “should” be doing. Getting out in nature more, using cloth diapers, growing a garden all came “shoulding” out. Then I attended a talk given by a very knowledgeable Doctor about fitness and nutrition. And I got “should” on all over. This phrase we use so often is so charged with emotion that it is frightening. These 2 conversations set me to thinking about all the things I “should” be doing. And where do those things come from that I should be doing? Who says I “should” be doing those things? Because, really, if those things were all that important wouldn’t I already be doing them?
Then I start carrying around all my “shoulds” with the rest of My Stuff. This is going to require an awfully big sack after a decade or two. I might even need a hand truck or wagon or something to get it all in! I should have gone to Law School. I should have married that person. I should have taken that job, joined the Army or the Peace Corps, or written that letter. And then there are the people around me telling me about all the things I “should” be doing, or “should” have done. You should exercise more. You should eat better, meditate, and be kinder to animals. Yes you should.
But I feel so bad when I think about the things I should be doing and am not doing. I feel guilty when I don’t exercise, or when I eat food that doesn’t nourish my body the way I want to. I feel remorse when I look back and realize I should have done this or that. These feelings arise because I think some need I have is not being fulfilled. I have a need for health. When I do not exercise that need is not fulfilled. But I do exercise (OK, I don’t exercise, I train) a lot. So how is it if I miss a session I start “shoulding” all over myself. I should have exercised today. Then I start feeling badly and start using the guilt gun on myself. But I did exercise yesterday. And I can exercise tomorrow. So where does this feeling of guilt arise from. What need did I miss, because I am fulfilling my need for health already?
“Should” arises from a cognitive dissonance set up by some expectation I or someone else or society has put upon me. I have an expectation to exercise daily. When I don’t do that I am “out of integrity” with my own plan and my vision of myself. The dis-harmony that this creates is a cognitive dissonance. Think of it as one note on a piano being out of tune. Every time that key is stroked the tune sounds poorly. The more keys that are broken or out of tune the less likely it is that the tune will be harmonious and pleasant to the ear. The more often that I play the tune with broken keys the less likely I am to keep playing the piano. Or, the more often I experience the cognitive dissonance of not exercising when I planned to the more likely it is that I will stop altogether. I dislike the feelings that cognitive dissonance creates in me.
I can fix this cognitive dissonance, these broken keys, if you will. I can refocus my exercise goals. I can make a new plan that will change the dis-harmony into a melody again. The real problem arises from the vague rules or expectations our society puts upon us. This dissonance is a little harder to deal with. I should have a bigger house, a larger bank account, a newer car. Society and culture puts this out there as the one, right, and true way. I should do all these things to be truly productive or successful. Says who? When society “shoulds” on me I can take it to heart and try to create harmony that has my goals and society’s perceived needs in alignment with one another. Or maybe I should play a different tune that doesn’t need to use those broken keys. Maybe I can create a new music that will be in harmony with the world I want to live in, a world where the “shoulds" of society aren’t getting smeared all over me (go here to see what these people are doing about their “shoulds”… http://www.dailygood.org/more.php?n=3619)
This requires me to re-write my programming. This re-creation of what I want to do, what I want my world to look like will require work on my part. It is easy to do what society says I “should” do…get married, have a career, retire, watch the latest reality TV show, and get the latest gadget. It is a little more challenging to discover your purpose and then live every day into the vision of fulfilling your purpose. Discovering what I am meant to do, who the real me is supposed to be is work boys and girls. The struggle to be unique, to be truly how I am not who I “should” be is worthy of our trip here. Or as e. e. cummings said…”It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.”
So…ready to grow up?
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Join my blog at http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com or find me on Facebook. More stuff coming soon…
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Sunday Story...Insanity
Sunday Story…Insanity
I recently attended a talk by a developer in our area extolling all the wonderful developments coming soon to our area. He said several things that got me thinking and wondering. One of the most disturbing things was his comment about the new freeway exchange being built. A mere 140 million dollars or so BUT (here’s the interesting thing) it isn’t costing us any money. The federal government is footing most of the bill with a little from the state government. Wait a second…whose money is that? Don’t I fund the federal government through my tax dollars? Aren’t the highway fees paid in part by gas taxes, road taxes and taxes on trucks and things? And don’t those taxes get passed back to me the consumer in the form of higher prices? So it seems to me that I am in fact paying for that highway improvement. Just like I am going to pay for the bailout package and the stimulus bill and the rest of the bills we are inventing. I find this kind of attitude more than a little disturbing. This is the kind of attitude that got us here in the first place. You know the one…I am not responsible for the things that are happening to me. They are just happening. We are responsible for everything that happens to us. We are responsible for learning the lessons the universe presents to us. It seems to me everyone is waiting for things to “go back to normal”. A return to rampant building and growth and non-sustainable living practices. And when things get back to normal then we can all go back to doing all the things that got us here in the first place. WHAT??? We are going to do the same things and expect a different result?
I am responsible for my life. I am responsible for the world I live in, the people, and the way it looks. Everything about my life is trying to teach me something. My job is to learn the lessons and move forward. Please, please, please, do not tell me the lesson is to see how many big box retailers I can get in my town or how large my house is, or how much stuff I can accumulate. Because if that is the lesson, I quit. Now. No mas, no mas. Come on folks, the lesson is about living in harmony. Living in ways that sustain you and me and the world around us. Get all the stuff you want as long as it is harmonious to the purpose your are living and the evolution of your soul. Make tons of money if that is harmonious and mindful for you and the rest of us. But stop eating just to eat. Stop buying just to have the next thing. Stop doing things because that is the way you have always done them. Do things, buy things, eat with intention. With responsibility. With knowledge that what you are doing today has an affect 7 generations down the road.
Remember the things about MY STUFF? About all the would’ves, could’ves, should’ves, if only this or that hadn’t happened. All the stuff you are have accumulated; all the stories about your life you keep telling yourself? Well, this responsibility thing grows from there. If I am responsible for my stuff, then I can start learning the lessons. And if we all start learning the lessons then our society and culture might have a chance at changing. Or I can keep living in my own small little shell blaming the rest of the world for what is going on. And continuing to do what I have always done, which will get me more of what I have already gotten.
This is insanity folks. Pure unadulterated insanity of the first order. Stop this merry go round, I want off. But Wait (you knew that was coming, right?)…I created this merry go round, I am the engine that drives this merry go round and I am the person who can stop, start, or change directions for this merry go round. ME. I am responsible. It’s my job to see that this merry go round is working for me. Not anyone else’s job. But wait…I am one voice crying in the wilderness, how can I change any of this?
First, start living in ways that are harmonious and intentional. Eat your food with the intention of nourishing your body and soul.
Second, start feeding your mind enriching literature and information. Eliminate stinking thinking by eliminating the dreck that passes for entertainment and information. Sit in nature. Sit in silence for a part of every day.
Third, live a transparent responsible, purposeful life. Like it or not you are a role model…for yourself at the very least. Your life is your legacy. Not the stuff you are going to leave behind. Let us see you. Let us see the choices you are making. Let us see how a life of purpose and harmony might look. We will all learn something from you.
Fourth, get out from behind your desk, off the couch, wake up from your hibernation and get involved in the world. It is your responsibility to make the world look the way you want it to look. If you don’t like something change it…Change it first in your heart, your home, your community and the world will change. Be the change you want to see in the world.
So…now what are you waiting for?
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Join my blog at http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com or find me on Facebook. More stuff coming soon…
I recently attended a talk by a developer in our area extolling all the wonderful developments coming soon to our area. He said several things that got me thinking and wondering. One of the most disturbing things was his comment about the new freeway exchange being built. A mere 140 million dollars or so BUT (here’s the interesting thing) it isn’t costing us any money. The federal government is footing most of the bill with a little from the state government. Wait a second…whose money is that? Don’t I fund the federal government through my tax dollars? Aren’t the highway fees paid in part by gas taxes, road taxes and taxes on trucks and things? And don’t those taxes get passed back to me the consumer in the form of higher prices? So it seems to me that I am in fact paying for that highway improvement. Just like I am going to pay for the bailout package and the stimulus bill and the rest of the bills we are inventing. I find this kind of attitude more than a little disturbing. This is the kind of attitude that got us here in the first place. You know the one…I am not responsible for the things that are happening to me. They are just happening. We are responsible for everything that happens to us. We are responsible for learning the lessons the universe presents to us. It seems to me everyone is waiting for things to “go back to normal”. A return to rampant building and growth and non-sustainable living practices. And when things get back to normal then we can all go back to doing all the things that got us here in the first place. WHAT??? We are going to do the same things and expect a different result?
I am responsible for my life. I am responsible for the world I live in, the people, and the way it looks. Everything about my life is trying to teach me something. My job is to learn the lessons and move forward. Please, please, please, do not tell me the lesson is to see how many big box retailers I can get in my town or how large my house is, or how much stuff I can accumulate. Because if that is the lesson, I quit. Now. No mas, no mas. Come on folks, the lesson is about living in harmony. Living in ways that sustain you and me and the world around us. Get all the stuff you want as long as it is harmonious to the purpose your are living and the evolution of your soul. Make tons of money if that is harmonious and mindful for you and the rest of us. But stop eating just to eat. Stop buying just to have the next thing. Stop doing things because that is the way you have always done them. Do things, buy things, eat with intention. With responsibility. With knowledge that what you are doing today has an affect 7 generations down the road.
Remember the things about MY STUFF? About all the would’ves, could’ves, should’ves, if only this or that hadn’t happened. All the stuff you are have accumulated; all the stories about your life you keep telling yourself? Well, this responsibility thing grows from there. If I am responsible for my stuff, then I can start learning the lessons. And if we all start learning the lessons then our society and culture might have a chance at changing. Or I can keep living in my own small little shell blaming the rest of the world for what is going on. And continuing to do what I have always done, which will get me more of what I have already gotten.
This is insanity folks. Pure unadulterated insanity of the first order. Stop this merry go round, I want off. But Wait (you knew that was coming, right?)…I created this merry go round, I am the engine that drives this merry go round and I am the person who can stop, start, or change directions for this merry go round. ME. I am responsible. It’s my job to see that this merry go round is working for me. Not anyone else’s job. But wait…I am one voice crying in the wilderness, how can I change any of this?
First, start living in ways that are harmonious and intentional. Eat your food with the intention of nourishing your body and soul.
Second, start feeding your mind enriching literature and information. Eliminate stinking thinking by eliminating the dreck that passes for entertainment and information. Sit in nature. Sit in silence for a part of every day.
Third, live a transparent responsible, purposeful life. Like it or not you are a role model…for yourself at the very least. Your life is your legacy. Not the stuff you are going to leave behind. Let us see you. Let us see the choices you are making. Let us see how a life of purpose and harmony might look. We will all learn something from you.
Fourth, get out from behind your desk, off the couch, wake up from your hibernation and get involved in the world. It is your responsibility to make the world look the way you want it to look. If you don’t like something change it…Change it first in your heart, your home, your community and the world will change. Be the change you want to see in the world.
So…now what are you waiting for?
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Join my blog at http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com or find me on Facebook. More stuff coming soon…
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