Sunday Story...Stranger in a Strange Land

Sunday Story…Stranger in a Strange Land

OK…I live in a bubble…I don’t watch commercial TV…I don’t listen to commercial radio…I don’t read popular magazines or newspapers…I have no idea about popular culture unless it shows up on Facebook, twitter, or on yahoo.com news headlines…Until yesterday. Yesterday I spent a large portion of the day in front of commercial television.

I am afraid. Afraid of where we are going as a culture. Afraid for the people for whom television is their main companion in their day. And I am not talking about the programming; I am talking about the commercials.

Let’s face it...I live pretty simply. I am not interested in the latest and greatest thing. I don’t take handfuls of pills for real or imagined illnesses. I am not going to watch the next reality TV show where a bunch of people get real mean, real stupid, and real nasty to each other. I am not the audience these things were created for.

I am an alien, a stranger in a strange land. As I sat, mesmerized, by the myriad of products offered for my benefit(?), I wondered if I had stumbled upon the twilight zone, where, although seemingly normal on the surface, the world has gone silently insane and I am the lone sane person left. And about to be arrested and locked up for not being “normal” like the rest of the inmates.

When I happened to mention my slightly skewed vision of the happenings on the big screen in front of me my companions just looked at me and smiled knowingly. Almost like I would get it and become more interested and interesting when I did. Until that point I was almost leprous in my visage.

I saw drug commercials for “disorders” that did not exist 5 years ago. Drugs for which the side effects were so much worse than the disorder they were supposed to be treating. When did it become OK to create new diseases for which there are new drugs to “cure?” It would appear that the pharmaceutical industry has taken it upon itself to cure everything in the world, even common things like emotions. Feeling sad? Talk to your Doctor about feel good pills? After all sadness just won’t do. Feeling angry? Try the even steven pill designed to stop even the angriest person and have them become even-tempered and mild mannered.

Folks, I want to feel. I want to be sad sometimes. I want to grieve and mourn and tear my hair out. Sometimes I want to be angry, stomp my feet, and maybe even throw something. And I want to be happy, and dance with joy, laughing and skipping like a small child. It is the emotion that creates things in the world. Passion is the fuel of life. Give me 10 passionate people over 100 dispassionate unfeeling drones every day.

The brave new world is upon us if television is any indication. Pills for everything that happens. Reality shows for every profession. Pretty soon we will all just be able to lie there hand have experiences piped into your cerebral cortex and call it life. You won’t have to leave the sofa…to go on safari, to make love for the first time, to taste the delectable pleasure of candied ginger chocolate, the caress of your beloved, or the scent of a new born baby. All of those things will just get downloaded into your experience bank through a pill or a drink or something.

There will always be people like me though. Out on the fringe…wanting to feel, to experience the flavors life has to give…both the good and the bad. Let’s face it…life is good and abundant but sometimes it stinks too. Sometimes your life just isn’t going the way you want it to go…you lover leaves you, your parents die, you get sick, maybe lose your job. And you are going to suck it up and feel the feelings and deal with whatever it is that is coming your way. Or maybe you are just going to disappear from reality and slap some salve on the feeling in the form of a pill or a bottle or a TV show or video game or the latest thing the tube said you should have. Your choice.

Life is about living. Life is about the experiences that you create. Life is what you do with what happens to you. If you disappear into a rabbit hole of escapism every time something happens how will you move forward? What will happen to your soul if you just take another trip without leaving the farm? I can see where life can show up a painful, and hard and not so easy. So what did you want…the life where nothing happens? Where everything is just, even, fair and equitable? Where there is no injustice, no pain, and no inhumanity? If you are still reading this I think not.

Turn off the TV. Permanently. There is a slime oozing out of your TV set (thanks Frank Z.) and it is rotting your brain, and your children’s brains. It is promoting the worst in values there is. You don’t need to be informed of the latest bad news. You don’t need the newest pill for the latest disorder. You don’t need to watch self indulgent children whine and cry in front of millions of people because they might get a couple of bucks or at least some attention from the world. Do you? Really? Do you?

I don’t. I will continue to roam, a stranger in a strange land. Wondering how I got here and where I am going. Want to come along?

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Angels andDevils

Sunday Story…Angels or Devils

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
Marianne Williamson, Return to Love, 1992


There is no shadow without light. Without evil good cannot be defined. The sky is met by the ground. We can’t have one without the other…masculine and feminine are two sides of the same coin. Life is often defined by death.


Yet when these things are in balance, there is no motion, only stasis and in stasis there is death. If we are not growing we are dying (which is a form of negative growth, I suppose). The key is not balance. Being even and “fair” can’t create anything new. Creation is a process of ripping and tearing apart of the status quo, the balance, the norm and the normal.


What I want to find is harmony; a harmony between my shadow and my light. We can think of this as an understanding, or an alliance, between two opposing forces that do not need to be at war with one another in order to move the mission forward.


Every one of us has our demons; those forces that seem to pop up and take over our lives at the most inopportune times. Drugs, alcohol, food, sex, work, and, yes, even exercise can be things that just seem to take over our lives. Sometimes it is like the creeping death that slowly pervades our existence until one day we look up and find our entire existence consumed by our demons. This is not harmonious because now I have to regain or wrest control back from the other side. Now the other side is in “control” and is not going to allow those other forces back out of the closet. Until one day, our guard is down and boom the demon is upon us and running the show with breakneck speed hurtling toward the inevitable crash and burn. Treating your demons in this way is like having a tiger for a pet. If you don’t watch out the tiger will eat you even though it will guarantee his demise. If you are going to keep a tiger as a pet you had better feed and care for him very well. This is the way of your demons…if you try to lock them up in a closet somewhere, you can bet they are trying to get out every second you ignore them.


Then there are the lesser demons…procrastination, tardiness, sloth, and the general malaise known as the excuses. In many ways these “lesser” demons are worse. You give them permission to run things. “Oh, I am always late.” “I have a hard time with names.” “I can’t miss the next episode of _______” “The game is on.” “It wasn’t my fault, really it wasn’t.” You empower them and allow them to be the ones in charge of things. Which really lets you off the hook. Sort of. Because you really can’t be off the hook when it comes to your own life.

You have to own all your demons and your angels. They belong to you and you alone. If you deny either the good or the bad you have lost a precious part of yourself and your life. Without winter the earth cannot rejuvenate itself. And if spring never came we would all die in hibernation. The sun has the power to destroy and create. It is in this harmony, this flow that we all must live. Fighting against this current is futile. Yet when things are in balance nothing can flow and move and create and begin or end.


Harmony between summer and winter creates the ebb and flow of life. Harmony between the forces creates the dynamic that moves us forward in our lives. Harmony makes the winter a time of renewal and summer the time of ease and enjoyment.


So how am I to harmonize the “negative forces” that seem to be able to ruin my life at a moment’s notice? How about we stop judging and labeling these forces as good or bad? Or even as angels or demons. After all a work ethic is good, yet we consider workaholism a bad thing. What if we try on that as a harmony…I sometimes need to burn the midnight oil to get things done. And that is a good thing. And I need to turn that oil off sometimes and just relax occasionally. I need to work out and train but my body cannot get stronger without rest. This is the paradox of life…there is no growth without both action and inaction. Neither one of them is good and neither one of them is bad. They just are. Just like light and dark…not good not bad just the harmony of the two of them creating the world we need to thrive in.


Maybe, just maybe if I stop looking as the light as good and the dark as bad I can move forward into a harmonious relationship with both of them, instead of constantly battling one or the other. Fighting the ebb and flow of the universe is like grasping water, almost impossible to do as a long term strategy but if I can channel the water in a direction, then I can harness the properties I so desire.


I may love the clay pot but it is the emptiness inside that is so useful. One without the other is nothing. Harmony.


Oh, and Happy Harmonious Holidays to you and yours.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Lie to Me

Sunday Story…Lie to Me

“Those that think it permissible to tell white lies soon grow color blind.”

Austin O'Malley

Integrity, truth, honesty…action words in a world that thinks they are concepts. There are have been many times in my life where I allowed someone to believe something that was not true. A lie of omission is still a lie. There have been other times where I acted knowing that I could not get permission before I acted, so I thought it would be OK to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. Another lie of another type but it is still a lie.

It is said that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission. I am not sure of the truth in that statement. I can imagine that it may actually be determined by which side of the fence you are sitting on.

But if you really think about it, asking for forgiveness after you have already done something that you knew you could not get permission for isn’t exactly standing in the light of integrity is it?

Then again there is the argument that legal is not always right and illegal is not always wrong. How and when do I get to set and follow my moral compass? Part of integrity is following the rules. It also includes both telling the truth and being honest. It is the being honest part that may be the most difficult. If I am going to follow my moral compass and that does include following the rules where and when do I break the rules? If I break the rules I must be prepared to deal with the consequences of not playing by those rules. I must stand up and say I did this thing even though it was against the rules. This is the why of it and where my moral compass was pointing at the time.

Being honest and in integrity starts with being honest with me first. How often do you finish a meeting, or a dinner, or a date and fell angry and upset with yourself because you didn’t hold true to yourself. You didn’t stand up for some position you believe in, or defend yourself or your loved ones from some snide nasty little digs that should have been sent back to the sender? If I can’t stand up for myself, how can I expect anyone else to do it for me?

Being honest means telling the truth before you are asked about it. So if I am being honest, I must ask permission before I need to ask for forgiveness. The problem is really going to settle on you internally. Because, if I ask permission, I must be ready to hear “no”, in other words, I must be ready to have my request denied. And if I am being honest I will make the request first before I act. And when the answer is “no” or the request is stamped “denied”, what will I do? Go ahead and do it anyway? Now I am actively pursuing a path of dishonesty. That is not good at all.

I must be willing to have my request denied. I must be willing to state and plead my case if need be and I must be willing to accept the denial if I am going to be truly honest. But what happens after that? What do we do after we accept the no?

We can lick our wounds and go home. We can find a new way to present our position. And maybe even better we can find a new idea in the ashes of the old one. Maybe we can find a way to maintain our integrity, get what we want, and have the other party get what they want. Sometimes we just have to find a way around that we are not currently aware of. And that denial may actually open the door of new thought and creativity.

Asking for forgiveness is easier than asking permission. It is also the coward’s way. If I go ahead and do it anyway, I have given the other party no choice but to forgive my actions. I never gave them the chance to say yes. And if I knew they would not say yes, and then my ego and pride says I am better, I know better, than you. And I did it anyway and you can like it or lump it. How prideful is that?

Asking permission is hard. You have to be ready to hear no. You have to be ready to support your request. You have to be ready to negotiate or compromise. You have to be willing to change your position. And you have to be willing to stand in your own power and integrity to get what you want.

If I just present you with the fait accompli (the thing done) you may accept it but will you ever trust me? How can you expect me to bring you the truth in the future? By being so presumptive I make the assumption that you are not capable of agreeing with me and take your ability to choose away from you. Not fair and not living in integrity either.

So don’t lie to me. Don’t assume I will say no. Do the right thing and ask permission. Be ready to hear no. Be ready to defend your position. Most of all don’t lie to you. Don’t tell yourself that you know what is best for me (you don’t). Don’t tell yourself that asking forgiveness is better than asking permission. It isn’t…but it is easier. Easy does not always equal right. When I look in the mirror tomorrow I want to know that I stood for what was the right thing. Even if doing the right thing was not the easy thing.
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story…I Can See Clearly Now

I can see clearly now….actually I can’t. Truth be told, I can’t see a thing. And the more I look the less I see. It is like when you are underwater and you are trying to see something in the distance or just a flash of a thing. I remember scuba diving in Monterey Bay in Northern California. I was doing my certification dive. The visibility was not very good that day, maybe 6 to 10 feet. Which is plenty when you are just scuttling around on the bottom looking at things on the rocks and such. All of a sudden, something white whizzed right past me. I couldn’t see it clearly. I had no idea what it was but it scared the bejesus out of me. It was all I could do not jump up and run on the top of the water back to shore. I thought for sure a great white shark was out there waiting for me, about to chomp me into two pieces. I gutted the rest of the dive out, my heart racing and my spider senses on full alert. I am sure the oxygen tank was spent far faster than it should have been. When I got back on shore I looked around and, after talking with several other people, I realized that my evil nemesis was a white harbor seal. A creature that meant me no harm or ill will.

My mind created a great white shark, fully equipped with razor sharp teeth and evil intentions. I was in his world, his domain and at the mercy of what? My own mind, my own illusions led me into a fear based state. There was no shark. But I did not know that. I saw something and created something entirely different.

We do this all the time. We see one thing and create another. And this phenomena is not limited to just our sight. Try these on for size:
You walk up to 2 or 3 of your friends who are talking and you catch your name being spoken. They stop talking when you get close enough to participate in the conversation. You are sure they were talking about you in a negative way. In fact, they were planning a party for you.
The waitress at the café where you are having breakfast constantly forgets to refill your coffee, messes up your order, and is generally negligent in her service. You assume she doesn’t like you. In fact, her child was up all night with a high fever and she doesn’t have insurance or money to get him the care he needs.
Your boss drops a load of work on your desk on Friday and tells you it needs to be done by Monday. You are sure he is trying to mess up your weekend plans. In fact his boss told him to fire your entire division if the work didn’t get done.

You are constantly inventing meaning in your life. It is what we do. We create meaning. We create religion to give our lives purpose and meaning. We support athletic teams to give our town/cities meaning. We worry about the meaning of words and what did they really mean when they said… We look at art and wonder what the artist meant when he created the pieces. We read poetry and try to decipher what the poet is trying to make us feel and think. Books have been written about the meanings of other books. We like the world to mean something. We like people to be clear and concise when they talk to us and”mean what they say and say what they mean.”

When I create meaning, I want to create from a position of joy, gratitude and happiness. I assume of everyone the absolute best intentions. If I think people are talking about me I want to assume they are saying wonderful things about me because I am wonderful. When somebody is neglectful around me I assume they are having a hard time I try to give them some compassion and empathy. When something happens to mess up my plans I assume that it is happening because the perfect other thing needs to take place.

The perfect people are doing the perfect thing in the perfect place at the perfect time. What if that was case? What if everything that happened in the world happened because it was the perfection of the moment? How would your life look if you could accept this as truth? Everything that happens is happening because it is the exact right thing to happen at the exact right moment to the exact right people at the exact right place. AND if that is the case…how does your attitude change about what is happening? Won’t you start looking for the lesson in what has happened? Won’t you smile and nod, knowing everything is just as it should be?

And now you can make it mean something good and true and important, rather than something crude, and mean, and menial. Because everything that happens happens so you can move yourself, your soul forward, closer to fulfilling your purpose here on earth, here in this incarnation.

So, yes, I suppose I really can see clearly now…if I just let my thoughts move from a place of beauty, joy, and blessing. Go ahead, give it a try…after all you can always go back to the other way!

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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