Sunday Story...Tribalistan

Sunday Story…Tribalistan

Tribes
One of the most basic human needs is for connection and belonging. We all want to feel like we belong to something greater than ourselves. We tend to identify our basic nature with some group or another. Maybe the biggest one is us vs. them

It starts with nation maybe…we are all Americans, or French. We will group all of those people in a conglomeration of generalities. Ahhh…the French you know they are all like that. We identify with the group as a place of safety and anonymity. We don’t have to stand up and be counted as an individual if there are lots of us standing together.

In the ancient times we had our clan, a small group of us bonded by familial connections. Our clan would interact and be part of a larger group…a Tribe if you will. And we found protection, we found mates, we found solace in our Tribe. It was predictable and necessary. Rarely did our Tribe reach out for other Tribes, it just wasn’t necessary.

Somewhere in time it shifted. Out tribes got larger and we found ways to interact and work together to create cities, and states, and countries. We developed “national identities”. It got so that we even came to the point that we could say things like “that’s un-American”. (Does anyone every say that’s un-French, or that’s just nor Finnish?) We tied up our individuality in the group. And the group took care of us and provided for us.

Things are shifting. The world is “balkanizing”. In other words we are moving away from large super power states to smaller nations governed by one or two common principles rather than geographic imaginary lines. Oh we still have a country, a government that we belong to…there is still an America. But how often do we hear about blue or red states…I even heard of purple states the other day (I have no idea). This is happening in our daily lives in some sort of strange little way as well.

Perhaps because our family structures have become more fluid and changeable, we seem to be looking more and more for groups or Tribes that fit who we are. And we belong to several tribes at the same time. But each one is marked by a common interest in one thing or another. It then becomes easier to speak to the other members of the tribe. We have so much in common, a common language, a common experience, a common outlook.

But is this really so good? Do we become intolerant of others not in our tribe? Do we become an US vs. Them mentality. We are right, we have the one right and true way and all of THOSE people are wrong and bad? This is what used to characterize many of these tribal groups. If this stuff sounds or looks familiar it is because it is still going on today. As a matter of fact many of the world’s religions and/or countries still operate under this principle. We are right and everyone else is wrong and we will do bad things to those who disagree with us. Hmmm..this is not a tribalization I want to adhere to.

So where does that lead is? We all belong to tribes…church, state, politics, beliefs, career, avocations, vocations, hobbies and more. All the horse people over here…cat people there, dog folks there and the no-petters in the corner? When the bell rings let the best animal advocate win? I think not. I think this is the lesson at hand. All those view points are valid. And You might even belong to some or all of them at different points in your life. Do you really have to ONLY love cats? And If I LOVE cats do I have to hate dogs and their lovers?

I get to choose or build my tribes. But most tribes need some sort of buy in to belong. Or as is often said…you need to have some “skin” in the game. You need to have a stake. We might let you in the door but we are not going to trust you until you prove yourself worthy or until you contribute something. The more you contribute the more we trust you. We want to connect to you, to the part that is uniquely you.

You get to bring your real self to your tribes. Not your work self or your buddy self. The real unadulterated you, stripped clean of any pretense or any facade. Bring the you you really are deep in your core. Expose yourself and get noticed, we want to see you.

If you can’t find a tribe you better start creating one. Or you need to look a little further. For me, I often find myself finding tribes I don’t quite belong to. They are almost right but then not quite. I usually stick around for some period of time and then drift off in search of a more complete group. Complete for me, that is. The tribe is fine, the problem is on my end. And even though it may not be my complete tribe I still contribute. It is kind of like your in-laws…they are family sort of but they are just not quite your family. Finding your family, your tribe your home is a delicious and satisfying place. And you may have to create it yourself.

You can always come and check out mine if you want!

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Every Breath You Take

Sunday Story…Every Breath You Take

Imagine, for a moment, that your day has started in the same way most of them do. You get up, make your bed, start the coffee, brush your teeth and turn on the water for your shower. You are thinking about the various things you need to do today, making lists in your head and mentally racing through the rest of your week. You check the water temperature and step into the shower.

3 days later you wake up in the intensive care unit of your local hospital with tubes going in and out of every orifice in your body, including some that weren’t there a few days ago, machines beeping incessantly and the still yet busy noise of cheating death and life kept to a tenuous thread all around you. You have no idea how you ended up here or what happened to land you here. Like Gregor Samsa’s metamorphosis into a giant cockroach you have just awoken into some twilight zone surrealistic world you never knew existed. You have no idea how long you have been here, no idea what day it is, no idea of much of anything at all.

Slowly with help from your family and friends you put things together…you had an “event” and actually died that morning twice. The “event” was simple simple…your aortic arteries decided to dissect and stop delivering blood to your heart and now you need a new one. You are not yet 30 years old and thought, up until 3 days ago, that you were in the best of health. At this point you have 2 options for leaving the hospital…get a new heart or go out through the morgue doors.

The above shortened and edited story happened recently to a very near and dear friend of mine. She got a heart and today is a very different person from the person the three days before her “event”. Her life has been irrevocably changed and transformed.

Each act from this point forward is a gift. Every breath is special and unexpected. Simple things like getting in and out of the car, walking the dog, and the sight of a sailboat on the lake. After something like this each of us would wonder…Why me? Why didn’t I die? Why did I get a 2nd and 3rd chance? What purpose am I supposed to fulfill? What am I supposed to learn? Who am I supposed to teach? Where do I go from here?

Each of us has been gifted a precious human existence. But this is a gift that can be taken at any moment, without warning. It seems too many of us live as if we are going to live forever. Immortality would be a curse…there would be no reason to find your purpose, no sense of urgency to get anything done.

Too often it takes some big “event” to shake us out of our complacency, out of our desire to be average, normal, out of our lives of quiet desperation. Do you really need to wake up 3 days from now in the hospital to get your attention? How about you wake up tomorrow and start living a life of purpose on purpose?

Can you get up tomorrow full of gratitude, full of abundance for everything and everyone in your life and accept all of those things as the perfection that they are?

I have financial challenges, so do you and there are people who have no food or money. Be grateful. Maybe you have health issues, are in physical pain or your body does not perform the way it used to but you are not in a coffin yet. Be grateful. Maybe your family is in turmoil, your spouse or children are challenging with their behaviors to epic tragedy proportions., Somewhere there is a parent wishing their child could utter any word even a cross one. Be Grateful.

Your “event” is happening right now. You are dying as you read this. So what are you going to do? Roll over and pull the dirt in? Or are you going to snap out of your torpor, your self-imposed hibernation of spirit and start living the life you were meant to live. The world has changed…it has been changing but some of us (me) missed the signals. Rather than being served we must now become the servants. We must discover our purpose and start living like we have a purpose and greet every day, every moment with gratitude, graciousness, and grandiose gladness. After all it may be our last. Take charge of your life instead of expecting life to live you. Get out and into the world, your hands in the dirt, your feet in the dance and your head in the clouds. You are a child of spirit and it is time you answered the call with vision, purpose and gratitude.

But you don’t have to…you can continue to live in terminal normality, numbing your mind with inane and meaningless entertainment, killing your body with bad food and no exercise, ignoring your spirit by complaining, criticizing and condemning your loved ones and others. It is your choice. If you like the life you have…great! Keep doing what you are doing and you will keep getting what you have always gotten. But if you want to get out of your rut (grave) we need to get cracking Now. Let’s find a vision, a tree you want to climb, a purpose and, meaning to get of bed in the morning and face the dawn with energy, enthusiasm and excitement. The world needs you. I need you…your gratitude, your abundance, your sense of wonder and excitement, your unbridled zest for completing a mission only you can complete. Throughout history there are stories of a hero on a quest that takes them away from home and places them in harm’s way. A quest that challenges their core beliefs and questions who they really are, and what their real purpose is. A quest is not a quest unless you might lose your life.

Guess what…You are going to lose your life. In this quest you are going to die. The only real question is whether you are going to die while on your quest to find and fulfill your purpose, to live every moment like it was your last, to serve yourself, your community and your world, the quest to find gratitude in every moment in every breath, to live in optimum health and fitness. Or are you going to stay on the couch waiting to die while watching another repeat of CSI?

Your vision of your life, you quest should be yours…not mine or anyone else’s. I want you to find your highest and best and live into your highest and best every moment for the rest of your life.

Health, wealth, happiness and purpose are your birthright. If you don’t have the life you want we should talk heart to heart…soon. I want you to have and live the life you want and desire. Before your “event” comes around!

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Pain and Pleasure

Sunday Story…Pain and Pleasure

In life we are often making decisions based on the Pain vs. Pleasure rule. Does the pleasure of continuing my current behavior outweigh the pain of changing my behavior? Unfortunately, for most people, pleasure wins.

A friend of mine went for a physical and was told that his blood pressure was high enough that his commercial drivers’ license was going to be revoked. That’s right revoked. You can’t drive anymore. You can’t keep your job. You won’t be able to provide for your family. And on and on and on. He had a choice…and the choice was pretty simple…fix the blood pressure and keep your job, don’t fix it and lose your job. Based on the pain vs. pleasure principle he got to decide which was worse, the pleasure of his old habits or the pain of making new habits (and keeping his job and maybe his life).

Just the other day I overheard someone saying they wished they had the body the other person had. The reply was that the answer lied in proper diet. This person had discovered what would work for him in his eating regimen. Upon hearing that the first person had an answer why eating like that just would not work for him. Yet he wanted the same results. I hear this all the time. The pain of learning a new way of eating was too much and it was much easier to stay with the pleasure of old habits.

Here is a way to improve your health. But you don’t use that method. Do you want to lower your blood pressure? Exercise daily, change your diet, stop smoking. Yet you don’t do those things. Maybe you really don’t want to have lower blood pressure. Maybe the pleasure of all those other habits outweighs the pain of high blood pressure (and a possible stroke, heart disease or death).

So why don’t we do what we all know we should? I know people who still smoke. They know their health would be better if they did not smoke. They know that the habit will eventually ruin their health. Yet they continue to smoke.

I know diabetic people who over consume food that exacerbates their condition. I know of people who continue with jobs and careers that they hate. People with liver transplants who keep consuming alcohol. Bypass surgery survivors who don’t change the very diet that caused their life threatening condition. What is up with this attitude?

None of us is going to live forever. We are living under a death sentence, every one of us. Yet so many of us choose to live lives filled with bad food, mediocre relationships and poor intellectual stimulation. Last week we talked about freedom of choice. So I guess it is a choice we make to live in a way that creates sickness and disease in our physical bodies. A choice to accept the short term pleasure of our current habits instead of the pain it will take to create new ones.

Let’s be honest …if there was a pill that had us all be good looking (whatever that is), in great shape (whatever that is), at our perfect weight forever without struggle (whatever that is), and in perfect health (whatever that is) we would all take the pill. Isn’t that the premise that the cosmetic and plastic surgery industry is built upon? Isn’t that the premise that every diet plan, book, or guru is based on? Isn’t that the promise of every natural health food supplement is based on? Isn’t that the same promise that pharmaceutical drugs make? Take this pill and get_______ (fill in the blank). And it works because we all want to believe that there is an easy way out. A process that does not entail, discipline, work, sweat, motivations, tears, focus, and maybe even some blood.

We are not just talking about food or exercise here my friends. What about the pleasure we get from stuffing our minds with the trash that comes across our TV screens? The toxic news reports? The “reality” shows that lead us to believe that bad behavior is the best answer in any situation? How hard is it going to be to unplug from that constant stream of car crashes, stupid people and train wreck relationships. Will you hurt when you do? And what pleasure will you get after you are unplugged? This is the fear…that there is nothing on the other side. That without the tube entertaining me I will be bored, uninteresting or out of the loop. In order to change and transform I need to find the pleasure in my new habits.

What about a change in your learning habits? Or how about your personal growth? Or your outlook on life? Are you stuck in a rut (a shallow grave) afraid of the pain it is going to cause to climb out? There was once a movie where everyone live in a big bubble because they all thought the air outside was toxic, that the sunshine would kill them and everyone stayed inside until one person was willing to endure the pain of going outside. It turns out there was no toxic environment. And the pleasure that came from the change was so immense that the pain was soon forgotten.

You get to decide…the pleasure of continuing to do what you are doing and getting what you have always gotten or the pain of shifting, changing and transforming and maybe, just maybe, receiving even greater pleasure and satisfaction after the pain. Pain is temporary. Pleasure will return. Just face your fear and go ahead anyway.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story…Make Mine a Cheeseburger

Choices, we all got’em. As a matter of fact I know people who think freedom of choice is all we have. In a spirited discussion the other day a friend of mine argued that freedom of choice was so critical that we should let everyone make their own choices, all the time and they will just have to live with the consequences. To a very large degree I agree with this position. After all in radical responsibility I am responsible for all my choices, even the ones I don’t make consciously. And I am willing and able to accept the consequences of those choices, now, later, and karmically.

The other position is that as a society, a town, a church, a community we get to set the standards we are willing to accept and live with. There are many places in the world where gambling is illegal. And in many of those places it is considered immoral, in other words it is against the code of ethics that the community considers good and safe. In other places gambling is OK, legal and considered by the community a good way to spend time and money. You get to decide. If you do not agree you can try to get the community to change, you can move, or you can just grit your teeth and bear it. It really is up to you.

This is true of every group or tribe you may belong to. There are certain standards that each tribe considers OK. You belong to many different tribes. Each one of them has their own peculiarities. You get to see if you can put up with them or not. If the answer is not then you need to find a different tribe more to your liking or change the standards. It doesn’t, however, do much good to just complain about it.

There are some caveats, though. There was a time when Doctors endorsed smoking, even to the point of suggesting it for pregnant women. Cigarettes were given to soldiers in the meal kits. Cigarette manufacturers claimed there were no ill effects that could be traced to smoking. Some people still believe this. Through advertising and marketing we were led to believe that smoking was OK for us. Today there is a warning label on every pack of cigarettes and we are not bombarded by advertising for that particular product. Yet we can still purchase them if we want, even in light of the fact that if used as directed the product will eventually kill you.

Between the manufacturer and the government we were led down a path of belief that allowed us to make an ill informed choice. Is that really a “free” choice?
Here is another, perhaps more insidious, example. Fast food. Fast food is marketed to children. Then the purveyor of fast food sells food that is not good for you. Yet the advertisement would lead you to believe that it is good for you. The government and its inspectors do not stop the purveyor from making false and/or misleading claims. No one stops the manufacturer from creating a product that appeals to children by using a marketing technique and mascots that are aimed at children. Can a child make an informed choice? Is it “free?” To go even further how can you, as an adult, make an informed choice if the information you are given is incomplete or in some cases just wrong? Is there really a “free” choice?

If you define free as the ability to make a choice between several things then I guess it is a free choice. But it may be a choice that is based on wrong, misleading, or manipulated information. For many years cigarette manufacturers buried studies that proved smoking is bad for your health. Fast food restaurants have been resisting food labeling for m any many years now. Until recently French fries (a vegetable) were supposed to be cooked in vegetable oil making a product that would be OK for a vegetarian to eat. Yet many fast food places added beef tallow to the oil in order to achieve a certain taste. They never told anyone, even though this rendered the product non-vegetarian. There are many people in the world for whom eating another living creature is offensive to their religion and their God. Yet you would never know because the restaurant hid the truth. They actually lied about it for many years.

How can you make a free choice in that case? You really can’t, can you? How can I make a choice if the information is not available? I guess I could choose to believe that I should never eat food that is prepared by anyone other than me. But how do I know the food I am eating is safe? I am relying on some outside body to make sure that organic is really organic, that the beef is not contaminated, and that the drinking water is safe. Yet very often these outside bodies are influenced by the very people and companies they are policing. This is a very sticky wicket.

And it takes us back to the choice that we are making around the community, the tribe, we choose to associate with. If our tribe chooses to make it OK to do things we do not agree with we will have to move, get things changed or gut it out and do our best to create a choice we can live with. I choose to try and make changes. But sometimes it is hard to do. Sometimes it feels like a voice crying in the wilderness with no one to hear. But the other choices are even harder.

Thanks for being part of my tribe. Let’s keep making a difference; it is more important now than ever before.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story…You’ve come a long way baby

If you aren’t growing you are dying. There is no future sitting on the couch waiting for the coroner to arrive and load you in his wagon. If your idea of a good time is sitting around watching other people live their lives, you might want to re-think your position. This is your life, whatever it is….whatever it looks like, whatever you do or don’t have. It is your life, not my life. I have mine, thank you and I think I will keep it.

Every once in awhile I look out at the world and wonder what things might have been if I had only done x, y, or z. What would have happened? Who might I have become? Or if I did not do some of things I did do? What then?

This is an exercise in futility. There is no way to know what those outcomes might have been. It may be nice to fantasize about what could have or should have been but the fact is it is only a fantasy.

Even worse is to look out and see what other people have and feel envy and desire for their things. You do not know what they may have given for those things. You do not know what demons are eating at them, driving them to do, be, and get the things you covet. This is not even a fantasy; this is the root of suffering, desire. Besides, do you really want theirs? Or do you want your own that might just look like theirs?

I live an abundant life in an abundant universe. All around me are people who live in the same universe, yet they are racked by anger and sadness at their unfulfilled desires, dreams and hopes. They are living in a scarce universe. A universe where there is never enough, one where each thing is limited and there won’t be enough to go around. A universe like that does not sound like a lot of fun to me.

So how do we get from one to the other? How do we go from scarcity to abundance? How do we get from living in regret to living into our dreams? How do we stop living to die and start just plain living?

It all starts very simply, and with gratitude. When I start and end each day with thoughts of gratitude and thanks, the world will begin to change. When I am thankful for all the things I do have it is hard to be mad about the things I don’t have.

In India, Mumbai, I believe, there is a whole culture around what is known as “rag picking”. This is just a nice way of saying I live in a dumpster and pick out the recyclable and re-usables that I can re sell for money. In India the dumpsters are like large bins…think of the areas we put dumpsters in…and yes people live in them. And they protect them, like you protect your home. Because my trash bin is better than yours. That is right, people are coveting each other’s trash bin. The ultimate in scarcity mind set, yet that trash bin is better than no trash bin. Maybe having gratitude for what you have would start changing your world there too.

After gratitude comes acceptance. I accept the way things are. I cannot go back and change them to be something else. What is done is done. I can’t change the color of my skin or my place of birth. I can’t go back and get a redo on past decisions. Accept those things with the gratitude of lessons learned and move on.

After acceptance is change and growth. I will change my mind about the things I cannot actually change and I will change the things that are within my power to change. If I want to earn more money I can set goals and make a plan and earn more money. If I want to live somewhere else, I can get a map, make a plan and go. If I want to travel the world I can figure out how to do that too.

Envy does not serve you; it serves some portion of your ego that wants you to be unhappy. Scarcity is not a fact. Neither, for that matter, is abundance. The world just is. The trash bin I live in the trash bin I live in. I get to create abundance or scarcity in every moment. The reality of scarcity or abundance only exists in my mind. Just like when you look through binoculars…one end brings things closer, the other end further away. And the truth of the matter is that neither end is the fact they are just the looking glass we are using today.

Wake up in the morning thankful for another day that wasn’t promised. Wake up and express gratitude for all the wondrous things in the world, including you. Get up and accept those things that just are…rain, shine, snow, traffic jams, or sniffling children. Decide what things you can change today. Make a plan to do that and implement your plan to change those things in your world that will give all the joy, stuff, or satisfaction you really want.

Fear is only false evidence appearing real. You get to create what is real and what is not real. Decide to live abundantly, today, tomorrow and then some.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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