Posts
Sunday Story…Don’t Tell me that you love me
Sorry
Love you
See ya
Yesterday, one of my students was visibly upset. He is a sensitive and caring young man, who takes the words people say a little too close to heart. The world has a tendency to beat him up because he lets it. The things people say mean exactly what they say. We sat and talked. He wanted to know if I liked him. He wanted to know why. He wanted to know what it was about him that I thought was special. What his gifts were and why his gifts weren’t as good as someone else’s. Now, I know this boy’s family loves him and that he is loved. But he is not getting the message. The words and the actions are not congruent.
We throw words around like dust in the wind. And, any more, they often have the same meaning and import as dust. Every day I see and hear children doing things that require an apology and the word ‘sorry” gets tossed out like a scrap of trash out of a moving car. Hoping that it hits the intended target and the target can assume that I really was sorry.
We say “love you” to our children, spouses, and loved ones as we sign off our conversations. 2 words with so much emotion and meaning yet we just toss them out without a thought or a care to how they are really landing.
See ya … will you really see me? Did you really see me just now? Or were you too busy, too pre-occupied with texting, and voice mail and email and the everyday roar of your life to really see me? And what if I fall off the edge of the earth this afternoon? How will you see me then?
My words can carry the impact of a freight train or none at all. Try this on for size: “A bunch of us were thinking that the following things were true and really pretty plain to us.” Not real powerful is it? How about this phrase: “We hold these truths to be self evident…” Wow what a difference. Those words rush at you. Those words hold intention and a depth of emotion that reaches off the page. Throughout history words have been spoken that we all remember…”There is nothing to fear but fear itself”… “Give me liberty or give me death”… “Ask not what your country can do for you, rather ask what you can do for your country”… “I have a dream”… “Be the change you want to see in the world”… Words that carry the emotion and energy of the speaker. Not words that got thrown away. Words that were pondered over, argued over, and fought over by their writers.
I can just toss them out casually, like so much trash. Or I can measure them like each one was made of gold, precious and valuable. Whether I am speaking or writing each word carries all the weight of my energy and emotion with it. So many things get said every day…how many times a day have we said things we really didn’t mean. We said them because it was easy, it was expected, or it was the “right” thing to say. We didn’t mean it, we weren’t responsible for any of the emotion attached to the words and we really didn’t care about the hooks that got left lying around because of our words.
It has been said that our words cannot be heard over our deeds. In other words, what we’re doing speaks so much louder than anything I might be saying. So don’t tell me you are sorry, show me. Show me by using the energy and emotion of your words, show me by taking responsibility for your actions, show me by making it right. Don’t tell me you want to see me if you really don’t ...want to see me. Try seeing all of me right now...the good the bad and the ugly. The bright bits and all the not so shiny parts hiding there in the shadows. Really take a good look and then say “See ya”.
Don’t tell me that you love me. Show me. Show me by showing up. Show me by taking the time to listen. Show me by taking the time to figure out how I can really accept your love. Show me by taking care of yourself first. Show me by being centered and whole first. Show me by being full in the world so our journey can be magical and special. But most of all don’t take love for granted, like a disposable diaper just soiled and ready to be thrown away when you are done with it.
Words can and have changed the world. The Declaration of Independence. The words of Jesus, Buddha, and Mohammed still inform our actions and give comfort and foment unrest across our modern world. Sticks and stones might break our bones but Words will hurt, help and uplift us when used with intention, energy and enthusiasm. So don’t just tell me that you love me, look me in the eye, bring your energy up into each word and then Tell Me That You Love Me.
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Follow me at:
Twitter --- http://m.twitter.com/jmariotti
FaceBook --- John Mariotti
Blog Spots…John Mariotti
http://feel-good-friday.blogspot.com/
http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Sunday Story...Hoping and Wishing
Sunday Story…Hoping and Wishing
I really want to get healthy…I really want to lose 30 pounds…I really want to get good grades…I really want to get a college degree...I really want to make a million dollars…I really want a committed relationship…I really want to play professional ball…I really want … Hopes and Dreams are important. They are the stuff that gets us up in the morning and out the door. And most of them never come true. The fact is most of them never get on the launching pad, let alone launched.
I recently had a conversation with someone who was very worried about his health. And rightly so. He is on diabetes medication, 30 to 50 pounds overweight, and not working because of his health. Most of his health issues are life style related. In other words he caused them by the way he chose to live his life. This means he can change them by changing the way he lives his life. We all know someone like this. He said “I really want to get this under control. I really want to lose this weight.” When I mentioned that his diet played a big issue in the problem and he might have to change the way he ate and the things he ate you would have thought I suggested he tear off his own arm and devour it. “I can’t do that! I won’t eat that. I hate zucchini, vegetables are not for me!” My comment was simple…”then you really don’t want to solve the problem yet do you?”
You can have anything you want in life. Provided the following things are true:
1. You are sure of what you want. 100% sure. Not I think, maybe, sort of, kind of sure. 100% written in stone, do or die sure. You believe you deserve this thing with your entire being.
2. What you want is aligned with your purpose in life. Go back to #1. Part of being 100% sure is in knowing what your purpose in life is and knowing you are living your purpose.
3. You are willing to accept the lessons you must learn on the road to getting what you really want.
4. What you really want serves you, the people around you and the world.
I get where none of this stuff is easy folks. And at the same time it is not rocket science either (except when it really is rocket science). It takes effort. It takes work. It takes growth and that ain’t easy. D.H. Lawrence (famous English writer) said, “Are you willing to be sponged out, erased, canceled, made nothing? Dipped into oblivion? If not, you will never really change.”
After you figure out what you really want then you must take action. And that action is going to hurt. Getting in shape is not easy, even if your favorite magazine claims to have the 7 easy exercises to a flat tummy. They are lying to you to get you to buy the magazine. Lose 30 pounds in 30 days the easy and painless way. Sorry not going to happen. You are going to have to change something…and that something will result in you being uncomfortable and maybe craving things and maybe even really wanting to go back and quit. The status quo is easy. Watching TV is easy. Eating ice cream and donuts is easy. There is no easy button. There is only burning desire. A fire in your belly that gets you up in the morning, keeps you up at night and has you dedicated to a single goal.
Where is all this coming from today? Among the many things I do, I also practice a thing called Brazilian jiu-jitsu. You may have seen some part of it practiced on the UFC fights or other places. It is a difficult game that relies on physical attributes like strength and size combined with technical ability to perform certain movements all pasted together with the principles of physics and human movement and then validated on the mat in a physical contest. It takes practice. Lots of practice. And I have been doing it for 3 years and it seems I am going backwards. I regularly “roll” with men 20 years younger than myself who outweigh me by 20 to 50 pounds. And I am thinking of quitting today. I am wondering what I am doing and why. And when I might have some hint that I know what I am doing. Intellectually, in my mind, I know the knowledge is coming. That it may in fact already be there. The fact is that I may be 1 roll away from the piece of self knowledge that opens the next door. If I quit now that door will never open. If I stop and take a vacation it will take that long and then some to find the key to that door. And I still want to quit.
Relentless Focus and Transformation. That’s what it says on my T-shirts. Am I living my purpose if I quit? What part of quitting now, after 3 years of getting mounted like a dude ranch horse, of getting whipped like a junk yard dog, would indicate any measure of focus? Transformation hurts folks. Transformation is a black eye and a cauliflower ear. Focus is keeping your eyes on the prize. Am I focused on what I really want or am I refusing to eat my vegetables? Am I sure I want to transform? Am really sure? This isn’t just about jiu-jitsu folks. This is about your career. About your marriage. Your relationship. Your education. Your life. Your soul. Transform and soar into now places, open new doors, see new vistas. Or not. Watch TV and live some other life. Your choice. Me?
Let’s roll. See you on the mat.
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Follow me at:
Twitter --- http://m.twitter.com/jmariotti
FaceBook --- John Mariotti
Blog Spots…John Mariotti
http://feel-good-friday.blogspot.com/
http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
I really want to get healthy…I really want to lose 30 pounds…I really want to get good grades…I really want to get a college degree...I really want to make a million dollars…I really want a committed relationship…I really want to play professional ball…I really want … Hopes and Dreams are important. They are the stuff that gets us up in the morning and out the door. And most of them never come true. The fact is most of them never get on the launching pad, let alone launched.
I recently had a conversation with someone who was very worried about his health. And rightly so. He is on diabetes medication, 30 to 50 pounds overweight, and not working because of his health. Most of his health issues are life style related. In other words he caused them by the way he chose to live his life. This means he can change them by changing the way he lives his life. We all know someone like this. He said “I really want to get this under control. I really want to lose this weight.” When I mentioned that his diet played a big issue in the problem and he might have to change the way he ate and the things he ate you would have thought I suggested he tear off his own arm and devour it. “I can’t do that! I won’t eat that. I hate zucchini, vegetables are not for me!” My comment was simple…”then you really don’t want to solve the problem yet do you?”
You can have anything you want in life. Provided the following things are true:
1. You are sure of what you want. 100% sure. Not I think, maybe, sort of, kind of sure. 100% written in stone, do or die sure. You believe you deserve this thing with your entire being.
2. What you want is aligned with your purpose in life. Go back to #1. Part of being 100% sure is in knowing what your purpose in life is and knowing you are living your purpose.
3. You are willing to accept the lessons you must learn on the road to getting what you really want.
4. What you really want serves you, the people around you and the world.
I get where none of this stuff is easy folks. And at the same time it is not rocket science either (except when it really is rocket science). It takes effort. It takes work. It takes growth and that ain’t easy. D.H. Lawrence (famous English writer) said, “Are you willing to be sponged out, erased, canceled, made nothing? Dipped into oblivion? If not, you will never really change.”
After you figure out what you really want then you must take action. And that action is going to hurt. Getting in shape is not easy, even if your favorite magazine claims to have the 7 easy exercises to a flat tummy. They are lying to you to get you to buy the magazine. Lose 30 pounds in 30 days the easy and painless way. Sorry not going to happen. You are going to have to change something…and that something will result in you being uncomfortable and maybe craving things and maybe even really wanting to go back and quit. The status quo is easy. Watching TV is easy. Eating ice cream and donuts is easy. There is no easy button. There is only burning desire. A fire in your belly that gets you up in the morning, keeps you up at night and has you dedicated to a single goal.
Where is all this coming from today? Among the many things I do, I also practice a thing called Brazilian jiu-jitsu. You may have seen some part of it practiced on the UFC fights or other places. It is a difficult game that relies on physical attributes like strength and size combined with technical ability to perform certain movements all pasted together with the principles of physics and human movement and then validated on the mat in a physical contest. It takes practice. Lots of practice. And I have been doing it for 3 years and it seems I am going backwards. I regularly “roll” with men 20 years younger than myself who outweigh me by 20 to 50 pounds. And I am thinking of quitting today. I am wondering what I am doing and why. And when I might have some hint that I know what I am doing. Intellectually, in my mind, I know the knowledge is coming. That it may in fact already be there. The fact is that I may be 1 roll away from the piece of self knowledge that opens the next door. If I quit now that door will never open. If I stop and take a vacation it will take that long and then some to find the key to that door. And I still want to quit.
Relentless Focus and Transformation. That’s what it says on my T-shirts. Am I living my purpose if I quit? What part of quitting now, after 3 years of getting mounted like a dude ranch horse, of getting whipped like a junk yard dog, would indicate any measure of focus? Transformation hurts folks. Transformation is a black eye and a cauliflower ear. Focus is keeping your eyes on the prize. Am I focused on what I really want or am I refusing to eat my vegetables? Am I sure I want to transform? Am really sure? This isn’t just about jiu-jitsu folks. This is about your career. About your marriage. Your relationship. Your education. Your life. Your soul. Transform and soar into now places, open new doors, see new vistas. Or not. Watch TV and live some other life. Your choice. Me?
Let’s roll. See you on the mat.
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Follow me at:
Twitter --- http://m.twitter.com/jmariotti
FaceBook --- John Mariotti
Blog Spots…John Mariotti
http://feel-good-friday.blogspot.com/
http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Sunday Story...Message in a Bottle
Sunday Story…Message in a Bottle
It’s a very old story…a lost stranded soul puts a message in bottle and sends it off his deserted island hoping someone finds it and returns to rescue him. He puts his impassioned plea out into an unknowing, unhearing world and prays someone; somewhere gets his message, understands it and then acts upon it. I am not sure if that is desperation or faith, but it is a really poor form of communication. I mean you don’t know if anyone is going to get the message let alone read it. And then you are expecting them to take action on your message. Wow, that is some powerful writing.
Yet how many of us have done the same exact thing today? How many times did you say something to someone and they weren’t listening? They were looking at you, you thought they were listening; the sounds left your mouth, vibrated in their ear drums but somewhere somehow in the distance you’re your mouth to their brain they just did not hear you. You sent the message but they did not receive the message. What an idiot…you said it, they just didn’t get it. All their fault.
OOOPS…what if the person you were talking to didn’t speak your language? What if they were deaf? What if their vocabulary was not enough for them to understand your words? Now who is the idiot? You sent a message in a bottle and it landed on an island where no one can read! Certainly isn’t going to help you get rescued is it? It might be like trying to send a text message to someone who only has an old fashioned land line. Just isn’t going to happen no matter how often you send it, or what you send.
Then there is the problem of interpretation. When I say my favorite food is pasta you may think I am a little weird for liking Chef Boy-Ar-Dee when I am talking about penne with a spicy anchovy sauce. How many times have you said something to someone, and when they asked you a question, it was clear that their interpretation of your words was off just a little? Or more than just a little. When I say blue, you automatically come up with a representative of the color blue. Your representation of the color blue is based on your experience and your default position in the color spectrum. Now blue covers a lot of ground, from sky blue to robin’s egg blue to turquoise to navy blue. All blue. All different. All subject to interpretation and further explanation.
So, first is a delivery problem, and second is a problem with interpretation. Third is a problem that what I am saying is not what I am meaning. In other words I am expecting you to be a better guesser. I expect you to figure out what it is that I am really saying without my actually saying it. We have now entered the land of confusing speech. When I say…”wow’ it’s really warm in here” what I mean is …”would you turn the heat down please?” I expect you to guess what it is that I am really saying when I say what I am saying. Very unreasonable of me, really.
And what about complex concepts like love, hate, peace, and gratitude? We have interpretation, language, and meaning all rolled up in a mish mash of disguised meaning and extrapolations. When I really start looking at language and communication it is amazing we are able to discuss anything at all. Many, many years ago one of my teachers (HS math if I remember) said…”say what you mean and mean what you say.” Don’t expect people to guess what you mean. When you say it stand by it.
It is my responsibility (yes that again) to make sure my message is received. If I send you an email and I have the address wrong, it is not your responsibility for me to get it right. It is mine, especially if I want to communicate with you. If I really want you to understand what I am saying I will be as precise as possible in my language…not just blue but navy blue. And I will ask you the questions necessary to make sure you are getting what I mean when I say navy blue. In communicating, I will be clear about my expectations and requests. And I will make sure you understand them by asking if you understand them.
When I say “I love you”… you are going to have an idea of what that means based on your past experiences and your understanding of “love” but until you and I start talking about what love means to each of us there will always be a gap between what I am saying and what you are hearing. If communication is important to me I will make sure your assumptions of what I am saying and what I am trying to say are the same things. And I will keep modifying and shifting my language, vocabulary, and syntax until I am sure you are getting it. I cannot expect you to take responsibility for my communication to you. But all too often we expect people to do just that. I said it you should just get it.
If I want to be heard, if I want to be understood, if I want to impart some knowledge, it is incumbent (necessary) upon me to keep trying different languaging until I am sure you got it. And asking for and receiving feedback until I am sure it has been clear. Sending a message in a bottle will not be an effective mechanism for communication. Neither is expecting your audience to be better guessers. Message sent, message received..Magic!
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Follow me at:
Twitter --- http://m.twitter.com/jmariotti
FaceBook --- John Mariotti
Blog Spots…John Mariotti
http://feel-good-friday.blogspot.com/
http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
It’s a very old story…a lost stranded soul puts a message in bottle and sends it off his deserted island hoping someone finds it and returns to rescue him. He puts his impassioned plea out into an unknowing, unhearing world and prays someone; somewhere gets his message, understands it and then acts upon it. I am not sure if that is desperation or faith, but it is a really poor form of communication. I mean you don’t know if anyone is going to get the message let alone read it. And then you are expecting them to take action on your message. Wow, that is some powerful writing.
Yet how many of us have done the same exact thing today? How many times did you say something to someone and they weren’t listening? They were looking at you, you thought they were listening; the sounds left your mouth, vibrated in their ear drums but somewhere somehow in the distance you’re your mouth to their brain they just did not hear you. You sent the message but they did not receive the message. What an idiot…you said it, they just didn’t get it. All their fault.
OOOPS…what if the person you were talking to didn’t speak your language? What if they were deaf? What if their vocabulary was not enough for them to understand your words? Now who is the idiot? You sent a message in a bottle and it landed on an island where no one can read! Certainly isn’t going to help you get rescued is it? It might be like trying to send a text message to someone who only has an old fashioned land line. Just isn’t going to happen no matter how often you send it, or what you send.
Then there is the problem of interpretation. When I say my favorite food is pasta you may think I am a little weird for liking Chef Boy-Ar-Dee when I am talking about penne with a spicy anchovy sauce. How many times have you said something to someone, and when they asked you a question, it was clear that their interpretation of your words was off just a little? Or more than just a little. When I say blue, you automatically come up with a representative of the color blue. Your representation of the color blue is based on your experience and your default position in the color spectrum. Now blue covers a lot of ground, from sky blue to robin’s egg blue to turquoise to navy blue. All blue. All different. All subject to interpretation and further explanation.
So, first is a delivery problem, and second is a problem with interpretation. Third is a problem that what I am saying is not what I am meaning. In other words I am expecting you to be a better guesser. I expect you to figure out what it is that I am really saying without my actually saying it. We have now entered the land of confusing speech. When I say…”wow’ it’s really warm in here” what I mean is …”would you turn the heat down please?” I expect you to guess what it is that I am really saying when I say what I am saying. Very unreasonable of me, really.
And what about complex concepts like love, hate, peace, and gratitude? We have interpretation, language, and meaning all rolled up in a mish mash of disguised meaning and extrapolations. When I really start looking at language and communication it is amazing we are able to discuss anything at all. Many, many years ago one of my teachers (HS math if I remember) said…”say what you mean and mean what you say.” Don’t expect people to guess what you mean. When you say it stand by it.
It is my responsibility (yes that again) to make sure my message is received. If I send you an email and I have the address wrong, it is not your responsibility for me to get it right. It is mine, especially if I want to communicate with you. If I really want you to understand what I am saying I will be as precise as possible in my language…not just blue but navy blue. And I will ask you the questions necessary to make sure you are getting what I mean when I say navy blue. In communicating, I will be clear about my expectations and requests. And I will make sure you understand them by asking if you understand them.
When I say “I love you”… you are going to have an idea of what that means based on your past experiences and your understanding of “love” but until you and I start talking about what love means to each of us there will always be a gap between what I am saying and what you are hearing. If communication is important to me I will make sure your assumptions of what I am saying and what I am trying to say are the same things. And I will keep modifying and shifting my language, vocabulary, and syntax until I am sure you are getting it. I cannot expect you to take responsibility for my communication to you. But all too often we expect people to do just that. I said it you should just get it.
If I want to be heard, if I want to be understood, if I want to impart some knowledge, it is incumbent (necessary) upon me to keep trying different languaging until I am sure you got it. And asking for and receiving feedback until I am sure it has been clear. Sending a message in a bottle will not be an effective mechanism for communication. Neither is expecting your audience to be better guessers. Message sent, message received..Magic!
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Follow me at:
Twitter --- http://m.twitter.com/jmariotti
FaceBook --- John Mariotti
Blog Spots…John Mariotti
http://feel-good-friday.blogspot.com/
http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Sunday story...Won't you do Right?
Sunday Story…Won’t you do right?
Everybody wants to do the right thing. No one wants to do the wrong thing. But it seems there is little reward for doing the right thing. We even have all these little sayings about it…”no good deed goes unpunished” is one that comes to mind. What??? Who decided that one? We have all heard it but do you really think it to be true? And if so, why would any of us do a good deed? I mean I may choose a certain amount of abnegation in my life but I am not sure I really want to be punished for doing nice things.
Recently a very good friend was lamenting the fact that she seems to be doing the “right” things yet she keeps getting handed the short end of the stick. Actually she said she keeps getting screwed every time she does what she thinks is the “right” thing. We all have heard of whistle blowers who end up fired or ostracized or even worse after they tell the world about some wrong doing. How in the world does this work out? I mean shouldn’t I be rewarded by doing the “right“ thing?
Weeeeelll, yes you should be rewarded. But why are you doing the right thing you are doing? Are you doing it for the reward? Are you doing the right thing because you think it’s the right thing and it’s easier/better/safer than doing any other thing? Are you staking out some kind of moral campsite where you get to hold yourself up as some sort of saint or martyr that we will all kneel at your lotus feet in wonder at your virtuous stands?
Then again, who decided the thing you are doing is, in fact, the right thing? Are there some moral absolutes that will always be right (or wrong)? Maybe you are the arbiter of all things moral…the right/wrong decider. Then you get to tell the rest of us when we are off track or that we should be doing some other thing that would more closely approximate the right thing. Or maybe your moral compass is decided by someone else…some big organization or some Grand Poobah who has the “right“ lineage and is transmitting the “right” wisdom from some moral high ground (which none of us regular people could ever hope to understand.)
Let’s be honest here…we all know what the right thing is most of the time. And most of us are doing the right thing most of the time. What about in the face of pain and suffering? What about in the face of no reward? What about when we know that the right thing is going to cost us dearly…our job, our love, the respect of others? What then? Are you willing to do the right thing because it is the right thing? Not for reward, not for taking the moral high ground, but because it is very simply the RIGHT thing to do. Are you willing to be stoned, crucified, ridiculed, ruined and laughed at because you did the right thing? There is no crown in heaven waiting for you. There is no karmic retribution that is going to take place striking down the evil doers and finger pointers. No, you may be alone in the wilderness struggling with your own conscience wondering why you got punished for doing the right thing.
Wait…maybe you won’t have to wonder about that punishment. Maybe doing the right thing is a reward in and of itself. Maybe, just maybe, your heart will tell you what the right thing is to do, not some high and mighty. And maybe when you do the right thing your heart will sing with the courage you just had. Folks this is not brain surgery. But many of us have had our moral compass removed through the slings and arrows life has been throwing at us. We have become jaded and cynical…”no good deed goes unpunished”…not in my world, not on my watch. I celebrate you doing the right thing…standing against injustice, defending the weak, the poor, and the disenfranchised. I celebrate you when you decide you are worth the effort it may take to stand up and be counted as a person of character and ethics, not just some caricature spewing platitudes about truth, justice and the American way.
Courage is often defined as facing your fear and going ahead anyway….Are you afraid of doing the right thing? Does your heart tell you it is the right thing? Have you really explored all the options? Completely, honestly and openly explored all the other choices to make sure you are on the path of harmony and balance? If so then go ahead and jump. Do the right thing. Just do it.
Namaste
John “Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Follow me at:
Twitter --- http://m.twitter.com/jmariotti
FaceBook --- John Mariotti
Blog Spots…John Mariotti
http://feel-good-friday.blogspot.com/
http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
Everybody wants to do the right thing. No one wants to do the wrong thing. But it seems there is little reward for doing the right thing. We even have all these little sayings about it…”no good deed goes unpunished” is one that comes to mind. What??? Who decided that one? We have all heard it but do you really think it to be true? And if so, why would any of us do a good deed? I mean I may choose a certain amount of abnegation in my life but I am not sure I really want to be punished for doing nice things.
Recently a very good friend was lamenting the fact that she seems to be doing the “right” things yet she keeps getting handed the short end of the stick. Actually she said she keeps getting screwed every time she does what she thinks is the “right” thing. We all have heard of whistle blowers who end up fired or ostracized or even worse after they tell the world about some wrong doing. How in the world does this work out? I mean shouldn’t I be rewarded by doing the “right“ thing?
Weeeeelll, yes you should be rewarded. But why are you doing the right thing you are doing? Are you doing it for the reward? Are you doing the right thing because you think it’s the right thing and it’s easier/better/safer than doing any other thing? Are you staking out some kind of moral campsite where you get to hold yourself up as some sort of saint or martyr that we will all kneel at your lotus feet in wonder at your virtuous stands?
Then again, who decided the thing you are doing is, in fact, the right thing? Are there some moral absolutes that will always be right (or wrong)? Maybe you are the arbiter of all things moral…the right/wrong decider. Then you get to tell the rest of us when we are off track or that we should be doing some other thing that would more closely approximate the right thing. Or maybe your moral compass is decided by someone else…some big organization or some Grand Poobah who has the “right“ lineage and is transmitting the “right” wisdom from some moral high ground (which none of us regular people could ever hope to understand.)
Let’s be honest here…we all know what the right thing is most of the time. And most of us are doing the right thing most of the time. What about in the face of pain and suffering? What about in the face of no reward? What about when we know that the right thing is going to cost us dearly…our job, our love, the respect of others? What then? Are you willing to do the right thing because it is the right thing? Not for reward, not for taking the moral high ground, but because it is very simply the RIGHT thing to do. Are you willing to be stoned, crucified, ridiculed, ruined and laughed at because you did the right thing? There is no crown in heaven waiting for you. There is no karmic retribution that is going to take place striking down the evil doers and finger pointers. No, you may be alone in the wilderness struggling with your own conscience wondering why you got punished for doing the right thing.
Wait…maybe you won’t have to wonder about that punishment. Maybe doing the right thing is a reward in and of itself. Maybe, just maybe, your heart will tell you what the right thing is to do, not some high and mighty. And maybe when you do the right thing your heart will sing with the courage you just had. Folks this is not brain surgery. But many of us have had our moral compass removed through the slings and arrows life has been throwing at us. We have become jaded and cynical…”no good deed goes unpunished”…not in my world, not on my watch. I celebrate you doing the right thing…standing against injustice, defending the weak, the poor, and the disenfranchised. I celebrate you when you decide you are worth the effort it may take to stand up and be counted as a person of character and ethics, not just some caricature spewing platitudes about truth, justice and the American way.
Courage is often defined as facing your fear and going ahead anyway….Are you afraid of doing the right thing? Does your heart tell you it is the right thing? Have you really explored all the options? Completely, honestly and openly explored all the other choices to make sure you are on the path of harmony and balance? If so then go ahead and jump. Do the right thing. Just do it.
Namaste
John “Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Follow me at:
Twitter --- http://m.twitter.com/jmariotti
FaceBook --- John Mariotti
Blog Spots…John Mariotti
http://feel-good-friday.blogspot.com/
http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Sunday Story…Love the one you’re with
Not so many years ago in nearby places there was a hit song that went like this…”If you can’t be with the one you love, Love the one you’re with.” Now for most of my life I have interpreted the lyrics of this song as an anthem to the free love attitudes of the late 1960’s and 1970’s. But what if there was a slightly different way to look at this? What if, just maybe, the one I am with is me? After all aren’t I the one I am with all the time?
Maybe it is time we stopped looking outside ourselves for validation, for love. And maybe we can start looking inside for that same love. If I don’t love myself why on earth would anyone else love me? If I am worthy of your love, I am worthy of loving myself. It isn’t “conceited” or egotistical --- it is just plain good sense.
All too often we want someone to love us. We want to make them love us. Or to keep loving us. You can’t do this…you cannot”make” anyone love you. You cannot make them love you the way you want to be loved. They can only love you the way they love you. You get to set limits and boundaries around your love but I do not get to say “You must love me this way and that way”. It isn’t going to work. Now, if the way you show your love is by sending your size 12 boot upside my head , well that may be outside my boundary and I will have to limit my exposure to your love. Or if your love means we spend every waking moment together that may not work either. But those limits and boundaries are about me and what I need to feel safe and yes, to feel love, from you.
But enough about you, what about me? I need to love me first. Remember our friend Bugs, head over heels in love? Self love isn’t about being out of balance, out of harmony, it’s about being completely in the moment. This really is a simple idea, yet so hard for many of us to put into practice. We have been so conditioned throughout our lives to get a reward from some on else when we do the thing they want us to do. In this case we give up some piece of ourselves in order to get love from them. The intrinsic reward for our self love is a feeling of strong self worth and knowledge that we are valuable to the flow of the universe.
Let’s be really honest shall we…I like the books I like; I like the music I like, I like the food I like. You may or may not like the things I like and I may or may not like the things you like. We will in our relationship find common ground, things we both like but I should not give up my love of Brussels sprouts just because you think they look like bird’s heads or something equally gross. Again, when I do that, when I give up the things I like, I am proving to myself that my feelings, my needs, my desires are not as important, not as valuable as yours. And that is not a recipe for long term success. That has me “falling” out of a harmonious relationship with myself. If I love myself first; then I can love you more and more completely from a position of strength and centeredness.
My reason to be no longer hinges upon you. My reason to be hinges upon myself. When I hang my self worth and my self love on my own bed post, I can be in a harmonious relationship with myself. In that harmony I become very attractive to other people seeking harmony. If misery loves company, Happiness revels in it! Stop worrying about loving someone “right.” Start loving yourself “right.” Love your self the way you want to be loved. Honor your self the way you want to honored. Eat your own cooking and you will find other people who will enjoy and honor your cooking as well.
You can always love the one you are with…and you are always with you.
Namaste
John “Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Follow me at:
Twitter --- http://m.twitter.com/jmariotti
FaceBook --- John Mariotti
Blog Spots…John Mariotti
http://feel-good-friday.blogspot.com/
http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
Not so many years ago in nearby places there was a hit song that went like this…”If you can’t be with the one you love, Love the one you’re with.” Now for most of my life I have interpreted the lyrics of this song as an anthem to the free love attitudes of the late 1960’s and 1970’s. But what if there was a slightly different way to look at this? What if, just maybe, the one I am with is me? After all aren’t I the one I am with all the time?
Maybe it is time we stopped looking outside ourselves for validation, for love. And maybe we can start looking inside for that same love. If I don’t love myself why on earth would anyone else love me? If I am worthy of your love, I am worthy of loving myself. It isn’t “conceited” or egotistical --- it is just plain good sense.
All too often we want someone to love us. We want to make them love us. Or to keep loving us. You can’t do this…you cannot”make” anyone love you. You cannot make them love you the way you want to be loved. They can only love you the way they love you. You get to set limits and boundaries around your love but I do not get to say “You must love me this way and that way”. It isn’t going to work. Now, if the way you show your love is by sending your size 12 boot upside my head , well that may be outside my boundary and I will have to limit my exposure to your love. Or if your love means we spend every waking moment together that may not work either. But those limits and boundaries are about me and what I need to feel safe and yes, to feel love, from you.
But enough about you, what about me? I need to love me first. Remember our friend Bugs, head over heels in love? Self love isn’t about being out of balance, out of harmony, it’s about being completely in the moment. This really is a simple idea, yet so hard for many of us to put into practice. We have been so conditioned throughout our lives to get a reward from some on else when we do the thing they want us to do. In this case we give up some piece of ourselves in order to get love from them. The intrinsic reward for our self love is a feeling of strong self worth and knowledge that we are valuable to the flow of the universe.
Let’s be really honest shall we…I like the books I like; I like the music I like, I like the food I like. You may or may not like the things I like and I may or may not like the things you like. We will in our relationship find common ground, things we both like but I should not give up my love of Brussels sprouts just because you think they look like bird’s heads or something equally gross. Again, when I do that, when I give up the things I like, I am proving to myself that my feelings, my needs, my desires are not as important, not as valuable as yours. And that is not a recipe for long term success. That has me “falling” out of a harmonious relationship with myself. If I love myself first; then I can love you more and more completely from a position of strength and centeredness.
My reason to be no longer hinges upon you. My reason to be hinges upon myself. When I hang my self worth and my self love on my own bed post, I can be in a harmonious relationship with myself. In that harmony I become very attractive to other people seeking harmony. If misery loves company, Happiness revels in it! Stop worrying about loving someone “right.” Start loving yourself “right.” Love your self the way you want to be loved. Honor your self the way you want to honored. Eat your own cooking and you will find other people who will enjoy and honor your cooking as well.
You can always love the one you are with…and you are always with you.
Namaste
John “Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
Follow me at:
Twitter --- http://m.twitter.com/jmariotti
FaceBook --- John Mariotti
Blog Spots…John Mariotti
http://feel-good-friday.blogspot.com/
http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Sunday Story...What's Up Doc
Sunday Story…What’s up doc?
Ahhh..Bugs Bunny…that “wascally wabbit”…Bugs was always just a little bit smarter, a little funnier, a little quicker than any one of his counter parts. I always wanted to be like Bugs…chewing on my carrot, the epitome of cool…he never got rattled or excited, calm in the face of danger, and the only time I can remember seeing Bugs get a little off-center was in the presence of his “love interest”. Then he got way out of balance. He didn’t just fall in love he jumped, off the cliff in love.
I am not Bugs. I am not the “Fonz”. You know the guy who snaps his fingers and has people fawning over him. He has the coolest car, the cutest girl, and the best clothes. Not me. So what’s my point you may be asking? Bugs was Bugs. The “Fonz” was the “Fonz”. I am me, I believe in something different. Each of you believes in something different. Your beliefs might be similar but different. Even those of us who belong to this group or that group (think religion) have some differences of opinion among us. Even in those groups we don’t all believe the same thing. And we may agree on many things but disagree on something as basic as how we like our eggs cooked or our favorite color.
I believe what I believe. I believe you should spend some time working on the evolution of your soul. What I don’t believe is that I have the one right and true way for you to do that. Nor does anyone else hold that truth. Now if your version of heaven looks a certain way and you have to do perform certain tasks to get there then that’s what you should do if you want to get to your heaven. I would say, however, that whatever those requirements are that you will be evolving your soul in some fashion.
I don’t know everything about every religious path in the world but what I know about the ones I do know about, they all require us to live lives of purpose and harmony, in harmony with our beliefs. This harmony contributes to our well being, to our feeling s of happiness and contentment. When I begin to act out of harmony with my beliefs, things will take a turn in another direction.
The universe responds to my energetic signature. When I am in harmony my signature moves in accordance with the flow of energy of the universe. When I am doing things that are not in harmony with my beliefs the universe will start trying to correct me. I may see a drop in income, lose a love, get sick, and find my way in to a car accident. These are all ways the universe tells us we are out of balance, out of harmony.
When that happens, the sooner I get the message that I am in an attitude of discord, the sooner I can correct it and the less painful the message will be. Because the messages will continue until I either get back into harmony, one way or the other. And the messages will get more and more strident, louder, and more painful. You ignore these messages at your own peril.
Our friend Bugs was in harmony. Until he dove into love. Then his previous “cool quotient” disappeared. He jumped out of harmony and into discord. Rather than diving head first Bugs should maintain his harmonic cool to get the kind of relationship he really wants. So should we all. Harmony with the flow of the universe will allow us to be in love each moment with each moment. Here, Now.
We are not talking balance here. Balance is not moving, it is static…think of the old time scales….equal amount of weight on each side and nothing is moving. In harmony I am moving with the flow of the universe. Whether I am in love or moving to a new place I want to stay in harmony with the flow of the universe. I don’t want a balanced life, I want a harmonious one. A life that is constantly moving toward something greater. Moving to a transformation into something. I have been many things in my life, Father, Son, Brother, Friend, Rancher, Deputy, Stock broker, Martial Artist. I will be many, many ,more before I am done. But each one had to be in harmony with whom and with what I was at the time.
Look around you. Are you in harmony? Or are you moving from one calamity, one train wreck to another? And wondering why “this stuff” always happens to you? Stop wondering and start listening. The rocks are speaking to you and you aren’t listening. The discord has to come out somewhere. Or you get to get back into harmony. And then things will start to fit together a little tighter. Then you can be like Bugs…super cool, sitting around chewing a carrot, completely at peace and in harmony with the universe…
What’s up Doc?
Ahhh..Bugs Bunny…that “wascally wabbit”…Bugs was always just a little bit smarter, a little funnier, a little quicker than any one of his counter parts. I always wanted to be like Bugs…chewing on my carrot, the epitome of cool…he never got rattled or excited, calm in the face of danger, and the only time I can remember seeing Bugs get a little off-center was in the presence of his “love interest”. Then he got way out of balance. He didn’t just fall in love he jumped, off the cliff in love.
I am not Bugs. I am not the “Fonz”. You know the guy who snaps his fingers and has people fawning over him. He has the coolest car, the cutest girl, and the best clothes. Not me. So what’s my point you may be asking? Bugs was Bugs. The “Fonz” was the “Fonz”. I am me, I believe in something different. Each of you believes in something different. Your beliefs might be similar but different. Even those of us who belong to this group or that group (think religion) have some differences of opinion among us. Even in those groups we don’t all believe the same thing. And we may agree on many things but disagree on something as basic as how we like our eggs cooked or our favorite color.
I believe what I believe. I believe you should spend some time working on the evolution of your soul. What I don’t believe is that I have the one right and true way for you to do that. Nor does anyone else hold that truth. Now if your version of heaven looks a certain way and you have to do perform certain tasks to get there then that’s what you should do if you want to get to your heaven. I would say, however, that whatever those requirements are that you will be evolving your soul in some fashion.
I don’t know everything about every religious path in the world but what I know about the ones I do know about, they all require us to live lives of purpose and harmony, in harmony with our beliefs. This harmony contributes to our well being, to our feeling s of happiness and contentment. When I begin to act out of harmony with my beliefs, things will take a turn in another direction.
The universe responds to my energetic signature. When I am in harmony my signature moves in accordance with the flow of energy of the universe. When I am doing things that are not in harmony with my beliefs the universe will start trying to correct me. I may see a drop in income, lose a love, get sick, and find my way in to a car accident. These are all ways the universe tells us we are out of balance, out of harmony.
When that happens, the sooner I get the message that I am in an attitude of discord, the sooner I can correct it and the less painful the message will be. Because the messages will continue until I either get back into harmony, one way or the other. And the messages will get more and more strident, louder, and more painful. You ignore these messages at your own peril.
Our friend Bugs was in harmony. Until he dove into love. Then his previous “cool quotient” disappeared. He jumped out of harmony and into discord. Rather than diving head first Bugs should maintain his harmonic cool to get the kind of relationship he really wants. So should we all. Harmony with the flow of the universe will allow us to be in love each moment with each moment. Here, Now.
We are not talking balance here. Balance is not moving, it is static…think of the old time scales….equal amount of weight on each side and nothing is moving. In harmony I am moving with the flow of the universe. Whether I am in love or moving to a new place I want to stay in harmony with the flow of the universe. I don’t want a balanced life, I want a harmonious one. A life that is constantly moving toward something greater. Moving to a transformation into something. I have been many things in my life, Father, Son, Brother, Friend, Rancher, Deputy, Stock broker, Martial Artist. I will be many, many ,more before I am done. But each one had to be in harmony with whom and with what I was at the time.
Look around you. Are you in harmony? Or are you moving from one calamity, one train wreck to another? And wondering why “this stuff” always happens to you? Stop wondering and start listening. The rocks are speaking to you and you aren’t listening. The discord has to come out somewhere. Or you get to get back into harmony. And then things will start to fit together a little tighter. Then you can be like Bugs…super cool, sitting around chewing a carrot, completely at peace and in harmony with the universe…
What’s up Doc?
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Sunday Story...Tag, You're IT!
Sunday Story…Tag, You’re IT!
Go, go, go…seems to be the word(s) for our lives today. Our children are scheduled to the nines….karate, music lessons, homework, tutoring, school, sports. Everyone of us is multitasking all day long…right now I have 6 windows open in my Icon tray and another half dozen or so tabs open in my web browser. We eat on the run, jam a workout in between meetings, fix dinner or get drive thru meals on the way to the next thing. Who has time to change the world on top of all that?
Yesterday morning I had the pleasure to be on an “idea “call with a number of interesting, motivated, and committed people all associated with the Ultimate Black Belt Test. These are people working on a number of community projects like rain barrels for water conservation, One Million Acts of Kindness, Live like a Champion and Community Gardening. One of the gentlemen relayed a quote from Nkosi Johnson when asked how he could even try to change the world, he replied: "Do all you can with what you have in the time you have in the place you are." Nkosi Johnson was 11 years old when he spoke these powerful words. Before his death, he was the longest surviving child with AIDS in South Africa. He died at age 12 of AIDS. Today there are Nkosi Havens in South Africa dedicated to caring for Mothers and Children with AIDS.
Some 50 years ago one Sadako Sasaki, also aged 12, inspired the world peace movement. As you may remember Sadako was the young girl who contracted leukemia after being 1 mile from ground zero when the atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima. The story goes that she believed if she folded 1000 peace cranes her wish of World Peace would be granted. She came up a little short before she died in 1954 but her efforts inspired thousands and thousands of peace cranes and peace movement that continues to this day. One little girl dead at age 12 who did all she could with what she had in the time she had right where she was…lying in a hospital bed.
Neither of these children set out to change the world yet change it they did. Today, mothers and children are able to stay together as they die of AIDS. Before Nkosi they were separated often shortly after birth. Today there are statues in both Hiroshima Japan and Santa Fe New Mexico that commemorate Sadako Sasaki and her desire for international peace. 2 very tragic yet inspiring stories of young people just doing all they could with what they had in the time they had in the place they were.
We never know how what we are doing will impact the world around us. But what you are doing is impacting the world. Even doing nothing is impacting the world. Your words, your actions, and yes, even your thoughts are impacting the world like a pebble in a pond…the ripples extending out further than any of us can see. One of the smallest units of transformation is our self. When we change our selves we change the world. When I become more mindful, express more gratitude, live more simply the world changes with me. For much too long we have, in our culture, been driven to do more, get more, have more. The world reflects that attitude in many ways…global warming, food shortages, people having less and less. Maybe we should be more, be more giving, and realize we have enough.
Many years ago, I decided I wanted to change the world. But I was waiting for, well, something…to go to Africa or Asia, or Inner city somewhere where I could make a REAL CHANGE. About 10 years ago I decided maybe I should start right where I was and maybe I could practice here. I live in a small town in Nevada USA. Can I change the world? Oh yes I can. Community involvement, volunteering, mentoring, teaching are all activities that change the world. Most of all I can change my mind! When I change my mind, filling it with positive thoughts and giving positive feedback the world changes. All these things add up…if I do little things every day at the end of a year I will have accomplished some very big things…the journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step.
Get out today and change the world. Spend some time celebrating Earth Day. Spend some time teaching a child something you know. Spread some Random Acts of Kindness around. Pass a smile to a stranger. Pay it Forward.
Tag you are it…you are the world changer.
Tag you are it…you are the one we have been waiting for.
Tag you are it…you are making an impact
Tag You’re IT.
"Do all you can with what you have in the time you have in the place you are."
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
PS: here’s a little joy for you… http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=1560
Follow my blog at http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
Twitter me at: http://twitter.com/jmariotti
Facebook: John Mariotti
Go, go, go…seems to be the word(s) for our lives today. Our children are scheduled to the nines….karate, music lessons, homework, tutoring, school, sports. Everyone of us is multitasking all day long…right now I have 6 windows open in my Icon tray and another half dozen or so tabs open in my web browser. We eat on the run, jam a workout in between meetings, fix dinner or get drive thru meals on the way to the next thing. Who has time to change the world on top of all that?
Yesterday morning I had the pleasure to be on an “idea “call with a number of interesting, motivated, and committed people all associated with the Ultimate Black Belt Test. These are people working on a number of community projects like rain barrels for water conservation, One Million Acts of Kindness, Live like a Champion and Community Gardening. One of the gentlemen relayed a quote from Nkosi Johnson when asked how he could even try to change the world, he replied: "Do all you can with what you have in the time you have in the place you are." Nkosi Johnson was 11 years old when he spoke these powerful words. Before his death, he was the longest surviving child with AIDS in South Africa. He died at age 12 of AIDS. Today there are Nkosi Havens in South Africa dedicated to caring for Mothers and Children with AIDS.
Some 50 years ago one Sadako Sasaki, also aged 12, inspired the world peace movement. As you may remember Sadako was the young girl who contracted leukemia after being 1 mile from ground zero when the atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima. The story goes that she believed if she folded 1000 peace cranes her wish of World Peace would be granted. She came up a little short before she died in 1954 but her efforts inspired thousands and thousands of peace cranes and peace movement that continues to this day. One little girl dead at age 12 who did all she could with what she had in the time she had right where she was…lying in a hospital bed.
Neither of these children set out to change the world yet change it they did. Today, mothers and children are able to stay together as they die of AIDS. Before Nkosi they were separated often shortly after birth. Today there are statues in both Hiroshima Japan and Santa Fe New Mexico that commemorate Sadako Sasaki and her desire for international peace. 2 very tragic yet inspiring stories of young people just doing all they could with what they had in the time they had in the place they were.
We never know how what we are doing will impact the world around us. But what you are doing is impacting the world. Even doing nothing is impacting the world. Your words, your actions, and yes, even your thoughts are impacting the world like a pebble in a pond…the ripples extending out further than any of us can see. One of the smallest units of transformation is our self. When we change our selves we change the world. When I become more mindful, express more gratitude, live more simply the world changes with me. For much too long we have, in our culture, been driven to do more, get more, have more. The world reflects that attitude in many ways…global warming, food shortages, people having less and less. Maybe we should be more, be more giving, and realize we have enough.
Many years ago, I decided I wanted to change the world. But I was waiting for, well, something…to go to Africa or Asia, or Inner city somewhere where I could make a REAL CHANGE. About 10 years ago I decided maybe I should start right where I was and maybe I could practice here. I live in a small town in Nevada USA. Can I change the world? Oh yes I can. Community involvement, volunteering, mentoring, teaching are all activities that change the world. Most of all I can change my mind! When I change my mind, filling it with positive thoughts and giving positive feedback the world changes. All these things add up…if I do little things every day at the end of a year I will have accomplished some very big things…the journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step.
Get out today and change the world. Spend some time celebrating Earth Day. Spend some time teaching a child something you know. Spread some Random Acts of Kindness around. Pass a smile to a stranger. Pay it Forward.
Tag you are it…you are the world changer.
Tag you are it…you are the one we have been waiting for.
Tag you are it…you are making an impact
Tag You’re IT.
"Do all you can with what you have in the time you have in the place you are."
Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
PS: here’s a little joy for you… http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=1560
Follow my blog at http://sunday-stories.blogspot.com/
Twitter me at: http://twitter.com/jmariotti
Facebook: John Mariotti
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