Sunday Story...Message in a Bottle

Sunday Story…Message in a Bottle

It’s a very old story…a lost stranded soul puts a message in bottle and sends it off his deserted island hoping someone finds it and returns to rescue him. He puts his impassioned plea out into an unknowing, unhearing world and prays someone; somewhere gets his message, understands it and then acts upon it. I am not sure if that is desperation or faith, but it is a really poor form of communication. I mean you don’t know if anyone is going to get the message let alone read it. And then you are expecting them to take action on your message. Wow, that is some powerful writing.

Yet how many of us have done the same exact thing today? How many times did you say something to someone and they weren’t listening? They were looking at you, you thought they were listening; the sounds left your mouth, vibrated in their ear drums but somewhere somehow in the distance you’re your mouth to their brain they just did not hear you. You sent the message but they did not receive the message. What an idiot…you said it, they just didn’t get it. All their fault.

OOOPS…what if the person you were talking to didn’t speak your language? What if they were deaf? What if their vocabulary was not enough for them to understand your words? Now who is the idiot? You sent a message in a bottle and it landed on an island where no one can read! Certainly isn’t going to help you get rescued is it? It might be like trying to send a text message to someone who only has an old fashioned land line. Just isn’t going to happen no matter how often you send it, or what you send.

Then there is the problem of interpretation. When I say my favorite food is pasta you may think I am a little weird for liking Chef Boy-Ar-Dee when I am talking about penne with a spicy anchovy sauce. How many times have you said something to someone, and when they asked you a question, it was clear that their interpretation of your words was off just a little? Or more than just a little. When I say blue, you automatically come up with a representative of the color blue. Your representation of the color blue is based on your experience and your default position in the color spectrum. Now blue covers a lot of ground, from sky blue to robin’s egg blue to turquoise to navy blue. All blue. All different. All subject to interpretation and further explanation.

So, first is a delivery problem, and second is a problem with interpretation. Third is a problem that what I am saying is not what I am meaning. In other words I am expecting you to be a better guesser. I expect you to figure out what it is that I am really saying without my actually saying it. We have now entered the land of confusing speech. When I say…”wow’ it’s really warm in here” what I mean is …”would you turn the heat down please?” I expect you to guess what it is that I am really saying when I say what I am saying. Very unreasonable of me, really.

And what about complex concepts like love, hate, peace, and gratitude? We have interpretation, language, and meaning all rolled up in a mish mash of disguised meaning and extrapolations. When I really start looking at language and communication it is amazing we are able to discuss anything at all. Many, many years ago one of my teachers (HS math if I remember) said…”say what you mean and mean what you say.” Don’t expect people to guess what you mean. When you say it stand by it.

It is my responsibility (yes that again) to make sure my message is received. If I send you an email and I have the address wrong, it is not your responsibility for me to get it right. It is mine, especially if I want to communicate with you. If I really want you to understand what I am saying I will be as precise as possible in my language…not just blue but navy blue. And I will ask you the questions necessary to make sure you are getting what I mean when I say navy blue. In communicating, I will be clear about my expectations and requests. And I will make sure you understand them by asking if you understand them.

When I say “I love you”… you are going to have an idea of what that means based on your past experiences and your understanding of “love” but until you and I start talking about what love means to each of us there will always be a gap between what I am saying and what you are hearing. If communication is important to me I will make sure your assumptions of what I am saying and what I am trying to say are the same things. And I will keep modifying and shifting my language, vocabulary, and syntax until I am sure you are getting it. I cannot expect you to take responsibility for my communication to you. But all too often we expect people to do just that. I said it you should just get it.

If I want to be heard, if I want to be understood, if I want to impart some knowledge, it is incumbent (necessary) upon me to keep trying different languaging until I am sure you got it. And asking for and receiving feedback until I am sure it has been clear. Sending a message in a bottle will not be an effective mechanism for communication. Neither is expecting your audience to be better guessers. Message sent, message received..Magic!



Namaste

John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”

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