Sunday Story…The Gift

 

Of owning your own experience.

 

You listened and you made sure you understood what the speaker was trying to impart to you. You got clear and you and the speaker are on the terra firma of understanding one another.

 

Now you respond. You can choose to respond by parsing the speaker’s words and picking them apart to fulfill a desire to be right and defend whatever position you feel is yours to defend. But will that move the conversation forward in any meaningful way?

 

Or you can respond by speaking to your experience…when I heard you say… (fill in the blank with their words)…I felt… (fill in this blank with a feeling, i.e. angry, sad, happy, joyful)…because I have a need for (fill in the blank with a universal need, i.e. independence, security, community). At this point, you have addressed only your experience. You have not attacked the position or the person you are communicating with. You are sharing what you have experienced in this communication.

 

At this point the conversation has several forks it could take and a lot of it depends on the other side but one of the easiest is to request a recounting of what the other person heard you say. This is the point where you will know if your message to them was received. If it was then great you could make another request to solve your need. But if it was not you may need to restate it or even just move on, own your own experience and let them own theirs.

 

Most of us want to be right. Most of us also want to be connected. It is very difficult to be both right and connected. You choose.

 

John Mariotti

www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com

www.crossfitodyssey.com

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