Sunday Story...Here Be Dragons

Sunday Story…Here be Dragons

Centuries ago most of the world believed the world was flat. And at the end of the world you would fall off and be lost to perdition. The maps of the day showed the end of the known world and in the unknown space was the phrase…”Here Be Dragons” since everyone would understand that warning. In those unknown spaces lie danger, fear, and terrible consequences for passing over that line from the known to the unknown.

Today we know the world is not flat. We know the dragons are not living at the edge of the world waiting to devour any foolish enough or unsuspecting enough to venture into that territory. Yet there are places where we believe the dragons live.

Fear. Belief. The two together create some powerful forces in our lives. When we believe the fear we are risking major problems. We might actually create an edge of the earth where none exists. Many of us (me) do this in our lives quite often.

I know what needs to be done. I know I should write my goals down. I know I should create a vision board. I know I should complete my paperwork for the accountant. I know I should have a cohesive marketing plan. I know I_____(fill in the blank). I even know that once I do those things my life will be better and I will feel a sense of accomplishment. Yet I procrastinate and I put them off.

Where does the problem come from? Why am I not doing those things that will make my life easier, more abundant, more prosperous, happier, or more fulfilled? Is this a belief problem or a fear problem or a vision problem?

If I have a vision and a mission for my life (I do). Then this procrastination is not a vision or mission problem. You see once I have vision and a mission that both excites and scares me I know I have that issue taken care of. So that brings us to fear.

Am I afraid of success? Am I afraid to excel? Am I afraid of whom I might be or that I might lose my center if I do those things (maybe)? Am I afraid that people will ridicule me or that I will lose face somehow? Is there some fear of the fear that I don’t know about or want to acknowledge? Although some of these things may carry some kernels of truth they really aren’t at the heart of the matter.

As you know when we decide on goals we need to also make an action plan. As much as I loved the movie and the book “The Secret” we can’t just wish things into existence. We need to do things. We need to create a plan that will lead us down the yellow brick road. After all, how long would Dorothy have wandered through the Land of Oz without the yellow brick road. She had an action plan to get home. I need an action plan to achieve my goals. If I am going to go where there be dragons I might want to know how to get to the edge of the world.

This sticking point comes when we lose belief in our ability to perform the tasks on our list. When I look at my list of things to do, my action plan and that list has 10 things on it if I don’t believe that I can do #6 then I may actually not even do #1. The stop is at #6 but I won’t even get started since I can’t see my way past #6. Does what I am saying make sense? Let me see if I can put it a different way…If I believe I can sail around the world, I mean really believe, then there are a bunch of steps for me to get there. But if I don’t believe I can find the ships I need then I might not even start writing up my plan or presenting it to the powers that have the money to finance my venture.

So what do we do? Give up? Never! Take your list and identify where your belief fails you. Where on the list do you think you just can’t perform? Let’s say it is at #6. Now make a new list and only put the first 5 items on it. These 5 items you feel confident you can get done. Take the original list and put it in a drawer somewhere. Get started on the 5 items. When you finish #4 go find the original list. How do you feel about #6 now? More than likely #6 will present no challenge anymore.

The magic is in getting started. Sometimes things are as simple as putting one step in front of the other. Then doing it again. And again and again and again. If I believe I can sail around the world but I don’t believe I can find the ships I won’t start. But if I forget about that step and only focus on the first 5 steps then by the time I get around to finding the ships I will no longer be afraid, no longer living in disbelief around finding the ships. I will have a plan, have the money, the maps and the men. At that point the ships will appear as will the next 4 items on the list.

This is a way to achieve your goals in the face of a certain disbelief along the way. This is a way to stay in action and break out of the chains of procrastination. Give it a shot…you can always go back to doing, well, nothing.

Here be dragons? I think not.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...I Believe

Sunday Story…I Believe

So last week I wrote about F.E.A.R (False Evidence Appearing Real). In looking at FEAR we take some of its power away. When we shine a light in the darkness it disappears. Darkness is the absence of light. Yet somehow the darkness helps define the light.

Fear is the absence of Belief. Fear cannot exist in the light of Belief. Belief is the enemy of fear. Have you ever found that when you truly believe in yourself, in your ability, in your commitment the fear melts away like snow in the spring? When we turn our energy to understanding and exploring what we truly believe the fears seem to go away on their own.

That is where we are today…exploring the belief side. Turning our spotlight over to what we believe. What do you believe…deep down in your core, inside your soul?
I believe…
I believe in the divinity of all humans.
I believe we are all born with a purpose to fulfill on the earth in this lifetime.
I believe we are all connected by this divinity, by a thread that has connected each and every human since the beginning.
I believe in the power of the human body to heal itself.
I believe in the power of the human mind to devise solutions and invent new way of doing and being.
I believe in the power of the human soul to create lasting peace and justice.
I believe peace is harder to find, harder to maintain, harder to share than any other alternative. This is way we have found it so elusive over the eons.
I believe that I must find peace in myself before I will find it in my home, my community, my nation, my world.
I believe the world is an abundant place.
I believe in the aristocracy of individual effort and vision.
I believe in the power of love.
I believe in the power of love to change the world.
I believe true intimacy robs us of vulnerability and creates a fortress of strength founded on love and trust.
I believe there is enough food to feed the world.
I believe we were designed to move.
I believe we have the power to control our health using natural food and remedies.
I believe I can live a health productive life to 150 years old.
I believe you can always do more than you think you can.
I believe my children love me.
I believe my parents love me.
I believe I have the right to say no when something crosses a boundary, or exceeds a limit.
I believe You have the right to say No as well.
I believe each of us has the right to believe in the divine in whatever way feels correct to us.
I believe you are right in your beliefs.
I believe my need for security is not more important than your need for autonomy.
I believe your heart and my heart are one.
I believe there is a need for compassion and empathy and the more of those two things that exist and occur in the world the happier we will all be.
I believe in the sanctity of the person.
I believe in the importance of the family.
I believe you get to design your family the way that feels right and is nurturing to you and your soul.
I believe in the need for community, for tribe, for a group of people who are aligned in purpose and a common goal.
I believe I have enough…friends, love, money, stuff, joy.
I believe I can have more…friends, love, money, stuff, joy.
I believe gratitude is the single most important attitude I can foster.
I believe there is not enough gratitude in the world.
I believe music is divinity embodied in the airwaves.
I believe your energy and mine has been here for a long time and will continue to be here for a long time whether or not we choose to take a corporeal form.
I believe you should take care of the body you came here with through good natural food, exercise, love, gratitude and communion with like minded people.
I believe you should be honest and truthful.
I believe it’s easier to be nice than it is to apologize for being mean or rude.
I believe that when my path crosses with yours there is something there, some take away for both of us. After all with 6 billion people on the planet how is it you and I have crossed paths today? It is probably not just coincidence.
I believe there is no limit to what you can learn.
I believe there is no limit on how many people you can help.
I believe there is no limit on how high you can soar.
I believe in the power of your mind, body, and soul to create the world you want to live.
I believe you and I have the power to change the world.
I believe…

After last week many of you wrote what you were afraid of, what your fears were. If you didn’t I invite you to do it now. You may find that the longer your list is, the deeper the fears go. I would invite you to do the same thing now with your beliefs. Write them down…what do You believe? And, again, the longer your list the deeper you will dig, and the more profound the realization will be of what you truly believe. You don’t have to share them with anyone unless you choose to.

I am noticing that since I started really looking at what I believe and how that relates to who I am in the world, my fears are diminished, and the things I was afraid of have lost much of their hold over me. It isn’t magic by the way…Fear is the darkness, Belief is the light. Let’s get out of the darkness and into the light. Find your beliefs and vanquish your fears.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Who's Afraid

Sunday Story…Who’s afraid?

Fear. We all have it, even those of us who won’t admit it. Even those people who, when you watch them, appear to be fearless. It is one of the universal human experiences. Fear.


F. (False)
E. (Evidence)
A. (Appearing)
R. (Real)

What are you afraid of? What is your biggest fear? Do you know why? What are you going to do about it? Do you need to do anything about it? Do you know what you are afraid of? Have you ever really explored it? Or is it too scary? Maybe the F.E.A.R. is not at the top of your mind but are you allowing it to run as an undertow in your life…stopping you from making decisions, and making commitments that would change your life?

Here are some of mine:
I am afraid I will die penniless, alone and afraid.
I am afraid that my business will fail and I will have no fallback position, find myself homeless, out on the street and wondering what to do now.
I am afraid I will become disabled and be unable to be physically active.
I am afraid the country I live in will never be what it once was or what it could be.
I am afraid the economic rules got changed and no one told me.
I am afraid my computer will crash and l I will lose 200+ gigs of music
I am afraid I am not as smart as I think I am.
I am afraid that no one will read this and if they do they find it insipid, moronic and without worth.
I am afraid that I have pursued the wrong path for the last 20 years.
I am afraid that all the eating right and exercising hasn’t and won’t make any difference in the quality or the length of my life.
I am afraid my children don’t love me and my parents just tolerate me out of a sense of duty to their progeny.
I am afraid my body is breaking down and I won’t accomplish the goals I have set.
I am afraid I am going to die in a car accident.
I am afraid my karma is so messed up that I am sure to be reborn as a gnat for the next several hundred lifetimes.
I am afraid that I am lying to myself about the evolution of my soul.
I am afraid to set certain goals because I might fail.
I am afraid to create a vision board because I might be wrong about what I really want.
I am afraid to make plan because I might be wrong and really screw up a pretty good thing.
I am afraid I will never be good enough for…? What? I have no idea.
I am afraid there is no way out of the life I have created without completing wrecking the one I have…a strategy that I have employed in the past to the detriment of myself and many others.
I am afraid all the good works I have done really don’t amount to much in comparison to the people I have hurt and the bad actions I have taken.
I am afraid that I will leave no legacy behind, nothing that will have me be remembered after I have extinguished this mortal coil.
I am afraid.
Whew. That was a lot to get off my chest. When you read that list you may say to yourself…”are you kidding? Why would anyone be afraid of that?” Or maybe…”what a jerk. Why does he think anyone cares?” Whoops…there’s another fear rearing its ugly little head…the fear of your censorship, your criticism and ridicule.

So what’s next? I can’t live my life in fear. Well, actually I can. I see people who do it every day. They are living in ways that define their fear. Maybe one of you reading this is doing that? Allowing your fears to define your life? It’s time to move past those fears, to move into action and fearlessness.

Everyone has fear. Everyone. Courage is looking at your fear and going ahead anyway. It is what I just did. I have been looking at this topic all week. It scared me spit less to begin to write this today. To expose my fears to you…my friends, my parents, my family, even my strangers. It’s like walking around naked when everyone else is wearing clothes and there is nothing you can do, except keep walking completely exposed.

This is one way to allay your fears. Write them down. Read them to yourself, read them to your spouse, significant other, family member, read them aloud in a crowded bus station. Once we bring these things up to the light of day we take some of their power to control and harm us away.

When I look at that list I am surprised at the depth of my fear. I am curious where those things came from. And I refuse to allow them to rule my life. I have looked at my fear and I am going ahead anyway. I have made many mistakes in my life. I will make many more. But one of my mistakes is not going to one of inaction. I am not going to crawl into my shell and hope it all turns out OK. I am going to move forward boldly and with confidence. It is my destiny and my birthright.

A quote often attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt goes something like this:
“Do one thing every day that scares you.”
That may be the best way to deal with your fear. Just Do It. Anyway.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...What Matters

Sunday Story...What Matters


I don't know what matters. I mean what really what matters. I think we each get to decide what matters to us. And it's OK if what matters to me really doesn't matter to you.


I do, however have a pretty good idea about what doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter what color your skin is. It matters who you are and how you conduct yourself in the world

It doesn't matter what church you go to or what religion you belong to, or what name you give your God. It matters how you treat people who are not in your church or who do not believe the same things you do.

It doesn't matter who you love or who you marry. It matters that you love completely and with your heart.

It doesn't matter where you live. It matters how you live.

It doesn't matter how much your paycheck is or what your title is. It matters that you contribute and work with purpose.

It doesn't matter where you went to school. It matters that you are learning and growing and seeking new knowledge.

It doesn't matter who your friends are. It matters that you treat the people around you with respect and dignity.

It doesn't matter if you have made mistakes, if you have had failures and disappointments. It matters that you learn from every experience.

It doesn't matter that you have had your heart broken. It matters that you loved, are loving and loveable.

It doesn't matter what car you drive, the size of your house, the breed of your dog. It matters that you value the things you have and feel grateful for them.

It doesn't matter....
It matters...

I could go on and on. But the bottom line is so much of the stuff we think matters really doesn't matter all that much. Especially when we shine the light of our mortality upon the stuff. You don't get to take any of your stuff with you. No money, no car, no house, no dog, nothing is going to come with you. When you are gone the rest of us will be left with your stuff. It is going to stay here.


You get to take your soul with you. What matters is what you have done with this life to move your soul forward, to create a life that serves as an inspiration for someone else, to make memories that someone else is going to remember for their life. No one says, on their deathbed, I wish I would have made more money, or I wish I would have bought the BMW instead of the Caddy. Most of our deathbed regrets are about people we didn't serve, the legacy we could have left, the words that should have been said, the love we didn't give.

So what are you going to do about it? What can you shift, change, alter or transform that is going to effect this kind of new outlook?
One thing and one thing only: YOUR ATTITUDE!


When you shift your attitude you change the world. Your outlook, your attitude is what matters. And it is the only thing that really matters. Not the weather, not your paycheck, not your parents, not your children...only your attitude.

So how are you going to choose a different attitude? Start with gratitude. Wake up in the morning happy to be alive. You didn't die last night. The house didn't burn down with you in. You are breathing which is one of the major components to being alive. Go to bed at night grateful for the things that happened that day.

Here is an exercise...right before you retire tonight write down 5 things you are grateful for, 5 things that happened today that have you feeling a touch of joy in your heart.

These are the things that matter.

Here is my list for this part of today:
1. The sun is shining and there is a slight cooling breeze
2. I slept long and well
3. I have eaten well prepared food, created with love from ingredients that came from places that were well cared for.
4. I have met my needs for connection.
5. Life feels ease-full, comfortable, and simple. I am stress-free today.


The list does not have to be earth shattering or life changing. It does not need to be a “War and Peace” or the “Communist Manifesto”. It just needs to be you expressing and understanding those things in your life that do matter.


If you take this one practice on, your life will change. The world will change. You will have changed the world! The “what matters” will shift in your life and maybe you will start living out of abundance, prosperity and success instead of lack, scarcity and failure.


What matters is gratitude. What matters is love. What matters is connection. What matters is your relationship to yourself. What matters is your relationship to the world.


What are your 5 things? You can do this. We all can do this. It may not be easy, it might even be really hard. But it is a practice, a habit, a thing to do like brushing your teeth. When I was growing up we always said our prayers before bed. And part of that prayer was asking for a blessing for people. Think of this exercise as your nightly prayer. Expressing gratitude everyday will create a life of gratitude, you will go to bed with a smile and you will wake up with a smile. And that is never a bad thing.


Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Independence Day

Sunday Story…Independence Day

As a group of people we consider ourselves fiercely independent. We think ourselves free to do and be, to become, independent of what our ancestors did, or who our parents were. But are we really free? Are we really?

What is independence? Most of us would define this as freedom from something. Freedom from money worries, from tyranny, from food addiction, from any addiction, from oppression, from suffering, from fear, from illness or medical issues, from pain, from ????

The problem is when we define something by saying what it is not we haven’t really said what it is. So maybe we should say it like this. Freedom to make my own decisions, to eat what I wish, to choose, to be who I want to be, to create art, to create a life, to create a legacy, to ????

You get to decide what your definition of freedom or independence looks like. And I get to decide what mine might look like. Like success or wealth or abundance the definitions are as prevalent as there are people. So how are you going to decide?

Far too many people have given up their independence, their freedom for some sort of security or some sort of idea of what security might look like. I will work at a job I dislike (intensely) because the pay is good or the benefits are great, or the job market is just too scary. I get comfortable in this narrow little space. Then I start feeling like all those other things I thought of, the other things I thought were important just aren’t anymore. Little things like having enough money to do what I want when I want. Or the ability to pick up and go when I want to go without the constraints of work put upon me.

Others have locked themselves in a prison of addiction and desire. Drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, food, and drama come to mind but they are not the only ones. After a while the desire for the thing becomes greater than the desire to be free from the thing. The thing owns you and your life, your life revolves around that thing…getting more of it, not running out, making sure the cupboard is always full of it. This is certainly not how any of us imagined our lives would go. I don’t think any child grows up thinking …”Gee, I want to be a heroin addict when I grow up,” or “Wow, the life of an alcoholic looks like the way for me.” No one does that, I think.

So what happened? What did I do to give up my independence? Because I really don’t think any of us do that on purpose, by design. Gee, let me give up the ability to choose my destiny for a weekly pay check. Let me give up my god given creativity to “fit in” so I can be like all the rest of the people around me (which is really not possible). Let me give up my real purpose on earth so I can scrabble around looking for my next fix of whatever I have become addicted to.

All of these things, all of these “give ups” keep us mediocre, average, like macaroni and cheese in a white box. You know the one…no brand name, barely any instructions and a taste that is well, bland and boring. Are you living in that white box? When I look at your life have you crawled inside your comfortable little white box trying to get through the day with no real bumps or boo boos on your knee? Are you mac-n-cheese in a white box?

Why? What happened to you? What made you decide that was OK? Because it really isn’t OK. You deserve to be free. You deserve a rich independent life. You should have a life full of choices and the ability to make them comfortably. And you are the only person who is going to go out and get that freedom and independence for yourself.

But how is that possible. You have locked yourself in your little white box. And it really does not look like there is any way out. You have created this little prison that is masquerading like a life of choice and freedom. So what are you going to do about?

First realize what you have done. Second decide it is time for a prison break. Third start plotting and planning. Remember any successful prison break takes a certain amount of planning and requires a certain amount of time. The time required will be dependent upon how good the prison is that you have built for yourself and how deep your resolve is to get out of that white box.

The world needs your creativity. The world needs your voice, your presence your contribution. You are an integral piece of the puzzle that your community is. When you decide to remain mediocre, staying mac-n-cheese in a white box we all suffer from the lack of you. I need the excellent you, the one that is striving toward something greater, something amazing and special. And you need the me that is doing the same thing.

The New Hampshire state motto is “Live Free or Die”. Most people think it is a reference to the Revolutionary War and the struggle for American Independence and that is where it arose. But it is just as important and poignant today for many other reasons. Think about what your life would look like if you were to live free. Free from the prison you locked your life in, your creativity, your self-expression into. Free from mediocrity, free from a life of Mac-N-Cheese in a white box.

Live Free. Don’t Die.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Steppin' Out

Sunday Story…Steppin’ Out

You circle the parking lot looking for that coveted parking place closest to the door. The stairs, the escalator, or the elevator? The last time you rode a bike was several presidents ago. Roller skates? I don’t think so. We live in a mechanized world. We drive way too much. It all contributes to this faster, fragmented and furious pace we are living.

I am not anti-car. I love my car and I love driving. I love that I can get in it and be someplace in a very short order. If I had to walk to San Francisco I probably wouldn’t get there very often. On the other hand…

The principle of general physical preparedness (gpp) says that I should be able to get up and do what needs to be done with my body. Can I carry a 40 pound child through an amusement park and out to the far reaches of the parking lot? Can I use an axe and shovel all day to dig that stump out of the yard? How about sprinting 100 or so yards to the scene of an accident to render help and being able to do it when you arrive on scene? Climb a tree to rescue your kid’s cat? Maybe even something simple like walking a mile or two because your car breaks down and there is no cell coverage for AAA to come and save you? Maybe even simpler…reach down and pick something up from the floor without bending your knees?

This level of fitness…the general physical preparedness level…requires that you do a number of things. We have talked about these things before. Lift heavy things. Move them quickly over a distance. Sprint once in a while. Pull yourself up, push yourself up, sit yourself up, squat down. Do things in ways you wouldn’t normally do them. Expect the unexpected. Connect your body, your breath, and your mind into a unified whole. Move slowly often.

This last one is the one many of us have trouble with. We are bipeds. That means we were made to move on two feet. We were not made to sit on our behinds. We were designed to move often and with ease and comfort and not in your “fat-burning zone” either. When was the last time you walked from the furthest reaches of the parking lot? On purpose? Or walked up the stairs instead of the escalator right beside the stairs? Or rode a bicycle just to get from point A to point B? No hurry, no worrying about the rpm or your pulse or anything else? These activities are meant to help increase your base metabolic rate. Just like sprinting once in a while will do. And moving heavy stuff over distance quickly will do.

What is your base metabolic rate you may ask? This is the rate that your body burns energy. The more we sit, the more sedentary we become the lower that rate becomes. In other words your body requires less and less energy to maintains its basic functions. So the more I sit, the slower everything moves. And I require less energy to just be alive. This is a good thing if I am starving to death. Most of you are not starving.

Maybe you can think back to a time when you were very active. Not exercising not training but really active. Maybe you were playing and moving; up to lots of things in the world. Your base metabolic rate was probably pretty high. And you were feeding yourself often and without a lot of care. And you weren’t overweight. Then your activity level dropped off. And so did your base metabolic rate. But your calorie intake remained the same and it still wasn’t all that much good food either. Guess what…5 years later your health is declining noticeably. You are tired. You aren’t able to do some of the things you used to take for granted.

Better get in shape, right? So you get on the bike, on the treadmill, the elliptical (human on the wheel) and start doing “cardio”. After all this is what all the experts say will do the trick right? And you start moving into the proverbial “fat burning zone” and stay there for about 30 minutes while you read Time magazine or People or watch the tube. And guess what? While you are on that machine in that zone you are burning fat. So why do we see so many people who are religious about their 4 times a week chronic cardio habits never make any significant changes in the body composition?

Because, and here is the most important part of this whole article, chronic cardio does not raise your base metabolic rate. In other words, once you stop working, once you get off the machine your body stops burning fat and goes back to whatever it was doing before you got on. Which for most of us is burning glycogen (a form of sugar) because that is what we are fueling our bodies with. Our base burn rate is so low that your body doesn’t need to burn fat at rest.

Your body is designed to burn fat as fuel most of the time. When I walk or ride my bike at a leisurely pace I am burning fat. My body is trained to do that. When I run really fast and lift heavy stuff I am training my body to burn energy faster and do it consistently over the course of the day. Of course I am not sitting around all day either.

Get up, get out of the chair, off the couch. Start moving. It is your birthright. Your body was designed as a well oiled efficient machine meant to go places. Being on the treadmill, the stationary bike, the elliptical takes you nowhere, no matter how fast you go. Get off the human hamster wheel. It wasn’t designed for humans, unless you are in captivity. Maybe someday…

So…start moving and start eating real food….animals and plants…mostly plants. Take it one baby step at a time but start stepping. Pretty soon you will be stepping out!

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Happy Father's

Sunday Story…Happy Father’s Day

Today is Father’s day. I don’t often link these stories to actual dated events but I am going to make an exception this week.

Every week I write this Sunday Story. I have been doing it for just over 3 years…that means over 156 stories…over 156,000 words (each one is about 1000 words)…over 156 pages at a 12 point typeface. That is a fair amount of writing. Sometimes I touch you, my reader, more deeply than others. Sometimes I reach inside and really spill my heart out and you get it and other times you don’t. It doesn’t really matter because I figure you get the things you are meant to get and all the rest is just so much fluff anyway.

Every week my mother prints this story out so my father can read it over his breakfast. At 78 years old the print is a little larger and it takes him a little longer to read it than it did a year or two ago. My father’s health is failing. Slowly, inexorably, sometimes painfully failing. I suppose it is part of the natural ebb and flow of life but it is still heart rendering to watch and hear about. I feel sad I am not there as often as I would like. Anyway Dad, this one is for you…

There are many things I learned from my father. The older I get the more I realize how many lessons there were for me. The older I get the more impact those lessons have and the more I come to appreciate all the gifts I was given by having a father like the one I had in my life. I hope my children were ½ as fortunate.

I learned the value of working hard. My father worked all day and then came home and worked at home. At different times in my life he was a school teacher, a farm worker, a truck driver, a quality control inspector for nuclear plants and some other things I have forgotten. We lived on a horse ranch for a year or two. We owned a vineyard at one point for several years. I remember my dad worked. When we were raising sheep for 4-H projects he was there to help and to bury the orphan lambs that didn’t make it through the nights. I learned how to prune a grape vine. I learned to put in a day’s work in the field and do the job correctly the first time, no matter how cold it was or how much you really wanted to quit. We milked cows together in the hours before dawn as “replacement” milkers for local dairymen. It was a job that got done no matter what. There was no fail. It was a position of extreme trust that these men placed in my father and he, in turn, in me. If the job was worth doing it was going to be done well.

Which leads me to another lesson...I learned it really wasn’t important what you did. What was important was how you did it. Did you do the absolute best you could? Was the job done above and beyond expectation? Are you the best at what you are doing or are you working on being the best? At one point in my young life I can remember telling my dad that I didn’t know what I wanted to do or be but I was going to be the best at whatever I ended up doing.

Once when I was maybe 7 or 8 years old we had gone to a family reunion. Most of the extended family lived way up in western Washington and we were living in California outside of Sacramento at the time. I was just at that age where all these people were interesting and I really had no idea who they all were. But my dad was inviting them all to our house to visit. I remember asking him later…”Dad, you invited all these people to our house. What if they all show up? Where will we put them all?” His answer was simple…”I invited them because it’s polite and gracious. And if they all show up we will make room for them because they are family.” Of course most of them never came to California and those that did didn’t all show up at the same time. I learned to be polite and gracious.

Another time my father was teaching special education in a small school in Washington. I was 12 or 13. He had to drive something like 50 miles each way to go to work and then come home and run the horse ranch we were living on at the time. I think I resented him being gone that much or something stupid like that and one day I asked him…”why are you teaching those retards anyway?” In a flash I saw his face go from anger to extreme sadness at my thoughtless question. Before and since, I don’t think I have ever seen such sadness and certainly not on my father’s face. His answer went something like this…” these children deserve our help. They aren’t stupid. They are different certainly yet they are, in many ways, like you and I…they want to be loved, they want to contribute and they are often the kindest most loving people I have ever known. I hope I never hear that word come out of your mouth again.” In that moment I learned compassion and the value of seeing every person for the divine spark they carry within their soul.

My father gave me permission to lead my life. He never tried to run it for me. He gave me advice and still loved me when I didn’t take it. He encouraged me to be who I could be. When I made mistakes (and I made plenty of them) I can never remember him coming down on me with contempt and criticism and condemnation. It would have been easy for him to do as many of my transgressions were worthy of all three of those things. I learned to love.
So…
Work hard
Be the best
Be Polite and Gracious
Have Compassion and Understanding
Love

Thanks Dad. Happy Fathers Day.

Love, your son, John.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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