Sunday Story…the sound

Of one hand clapping. This is a well known Zen koan designed to aid in the process of insight or enlightenment. The fact that there is there is no correct answer to any koan is where the insight lies. What you are, what you know, or what you believe is what you get based on your experience, your ability to focus and concentrate, or your level of training.

So what is the sound of one hand clapping to you? And why am I asking this today? To the first you will need to search for the answer yourself. To the second it is because I am typing this today with one hand after surgery on my left (dominant) hand. To myself I am asking what is the use of one hand if not for clapping.

I certainly can’t use it for much else. Yet there it is where it has always been at the end of my arm. It will eventually function as it always has…opposable thumb and all. It is in this slight misfortune that a fortune of learning may lie. Therein lays the subject of this meditation: how to find the fortune in any misfortune.

When faced with adversity what is your default position? Where do you go first? Do you crawl under the covers and bury your head in the sand hoping it will go away on its own? Do you fight and rail and try to beat it with a show of will and power to scare the misfortune away? Or do you look deeply and search for the deeper meaning in the difficulty? Do delve into what you may have done to land in the middle of your current maelstrom? Is it always some outside agency? Or could it be some accident of circumstance? Or is it the universe laying the groundwork for some new insight or another drop in your bucket of enlightenment?

The loss of my dominant hand, however temporarily, is the universe slapping me upside the head to get me started on my writing. One of my great fears in life is that I will die with my stories untold inside of me. Yet, I have not been actively searching them out and putting them to paper. This is the universe’s way of showing me the folly of not listening. If you think this is bad imagine what will happen if you can’t get these stories out? The soul crushing weight of not fulfilling the work I was set to do is a lot to bear.

What aren’t you listening to? What messages are you just ignoring by putting their genesis on outside influences instead of getting your ear to the ground to find the true meaning? It is happening all the time if you truly listen. It is a practice, like meditation, to listen to the whispers of the universe.

Unfurl your inner ears to hear what is always being spoken.

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
775-338-2412

Sunday Story…What to say

What is there to say in light of the past week’s incidents? I don’t have all facts that I do know. I heard a lot of theories and opinions about what happened and why. Most of that information is about a useful as teats on a boar (to dredge one of the many country aphorisms I know). It is said by someone with an ax to grind, a position to defend, or a pulpit to pound. They aren’t worth the paper they are written on.

How many of those talking heads, pundits and nattering nabobs (thanks Spiro) would be willing to set aside their opinions and positions for an honest intellectual discussion on the subject? The answer, I suspect, is not many. Too many people are overly invested in their positions, in being right.

How many of us are willing to do the research, winnow out the facts, to really look deeply into the causes of what happened? Honestly, the answer is not many of us. It will require a setting aside of years of cultural conditioning, societal pressures and our own deep prejudices. What it comes down to is this: We would rather be right than be connected. This insistence creates an immovable place. We will be unable to see any other point of view or embrace any other position. This separates us from our fellow humans and allows me to be insulated from their lives and suffering. And yes, this life, for all of us, has suffering. It is part of the human condition.

We will need to decide to be connected. We will need to be willing to set aside our need to be right and allow ourselves to see the other as ourselves. Would you, right now, be willing to trade places with a black American, a gay Arab, or a Syrian refugee? I do not know what it means to be any of those 3 people. I was not born into those lives. What I do know is their lives are immeasurably more difficult than mine. What I do know is that they are human. And as humans their suffering is my suffering. If I, through empathy, understanding, and honest communication can come into connection with those who are unlike me, then I may be able to ease both their and my suffering.

To paraphrase the Sufi poet, Rumi:
There is a field beyond right and wrong.
I will meet you there.

Let’s stop being right and get connected.

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
775-338-2412

Sunday Story…Independence Day

When I was a teenager I couldn’t wait to be free…free from my parents rules and restrictions. I would be able to do what I wanted when I wanted how I wanted. It was going to be a beautiful thing. Most of you know how that turned out!

Later in life, I thought if I just made X amount of money I would be free. Free from worry, free from the day to day restrictions that not having money put upon me. Unfortunately that didn’t happen either. That amount of money came with its own rules and restrictions.

Maybe over the years you have thought that if you just got X or did Y or married so and so all your troubles would be over and Easy street would be your address. Bad news Bunkie…none of those things are ever going to set you free.

Maybe Freedom isn’t possible. Maybe freedom is a lie we are told to keep us striving and efforting toward some unattainable goal. Independence may be a brass ring set just out of our reach to keep us from looking more deeply at our plight.

What if you are now, and have always been free? I can hear you…but the bills need to be paid, the lawn mowed, and the baby changed. How can I possibly be free?

It’s simple, really. Freedom is a choice. Freedom is an attitude. I chose the things that put me here. I chose to create those bills, paying them is a joy because I am enjoying all the things those bills bought. The lawn needs mowing because my grass is green and growing and it is in front of my home that I chose to live in. The baby I joyfully change because that small human is a part of my life I would be never be without.

Your attitude determines your level of freedom. When you pay your bills, do it with gratitude and love. When you do your household chores, smile at your good fortune to have a household to do chores for. And that diaper? It’s sign of health and love.

Find freedom today, right where you are, right now. Freedom is about your state of mind. Freedom is present right now in the choices you are making now. Freedom is yours for the taking. The prison is in your mind.

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
775-338-2412

Sunday Story…Amends

Last week was Father’s day and I resisted wring a paean to my Father. I have done it before and will probably do it again. My Father has passed. I think of him often and not just on Father’s day. I often ask myself what he would do in any particular situation.

I was lucky enough to tell my Father that everything good and honorable about me came from him and my mother. The stuff that’s not so hot is all mine, a product of my own wrongheaded-ness and stinking thinking.

If you have people in your life you have not made amends with, do it now. One of the worst things that can happen is for one of you to pass on without clearing the air between you. It is the things we didn’t do that we regret. And this is one you can’t fix. Make amends.

What I am talking about is taking responsibility for your part of the relationship. For the part you played in the mis-communication, for the pieces of non-communication that didn’t take places, for the boundaries you overstepped (your own). Trying to talk to people from beyond the grave is just too difficult so…do it now. And now is important since you never know what may happen to prevent that communication in the future.

A dear friend of mine had a tumultuous relationship with her mother for most of her adult life. When she finally had a chance to make amends her mother’s dementia just did not allow that clearing conversation to take place. When her mother died, her grief was so great that she retreated from the world for almost 2 years. It was a wounding that still suppurates to this day.

If you have the chance to have those conversations, take the chance now. If there is something you need to say to someone say it now. If you don’t it is holding you back from moving forward. Think of it as an emotional house cleaning. When things are clean, your being feels lighter. You can relax and get more done.

When the conversation takes place, own it. In other words, use “I” statements. Own your part of the failure and don’t blame the other person. Listen mindfully and do not formulate an answer. Keep your mind and spirit open to find what new can arise from open and honest communication.

I know it’s easier to put it off until another time. Don’t do it…another time may be too late and then where will you be? So take a big breath and make the call and have the conversation. You will be glad you did.

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey@gmail.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
775-338-2412

Sunday Story…We do things

A certain way. It’s the way we have always done them. It works for us and may be the one true way(probably not). Sure there are other ways but ours is the best way. Anyone else just hasn’t gotten the message yet.

This sort of intractable position is very common. We often see it labeled as “tradition.” But tradition was once new and unusual and a change from what came before it.

I am reminded of an old story I call Grandma and the ham. When a youngster was in the kitchen learning how to cook with Mom one day, Mom was preparing a ham for the oven. She carefully cut the ends of the ham off and placed in the roasting pan. When asked why cut the ends of the ham off, Mom thought for a moment and answered, “I don’t really know but that’s the way my mother did it.” As most children will ask, the follow up question was but why did Grandma cut the ends of the ham off? A bit exasperated and harried Mom said why don’t we call Grandma and ask her! So the child called Grandma and asked the pressing question of why did the ends of the ham need to be cut off? And Grandma said “I don’t really know but that’s the way my mother did it.” Well now our super sleuthing child is really curious. Luckily Great Grandma is still around to answer the phone so the call gets made. Great grandma answered the phone and upon hearing the pressing question she chuckled and said, “oh that’s easy…my pan was too small!”

Generation of hams had the ends cut off simply because one pan was too small?! Far too often we are doing things for reasons unknown and when they become known aren’t really sound logical reasons. What they are is habitual and easy and comfortable. Why keep doing them if they really don’t serve any purpose other than habit? Is there a better way? Is there a different way that might serve a greater purpose? Or at least be more interesting?

Are you willing to look around and see what you are doing because “that’s the way we have always done it?” Are you willing to look at those habits objectively and choose a different or more interesting way? What might arise in your life if you examine and discard old patterns that are just there because the pan was too small? We all have them…And we all would be served by at least looking and deciding if we want to keep cutting the ends of the ham off!

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
775-338-2412

Sunday Story…The best time

To plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today.

Think about that for just a moment. You are sitting in the sun and wishing for some shade. A tree would be nice right here but there is no way for a tree to magically appear. If you don’t plant that tree now, then 20 years from now someone else will be standing there wishing for shade.

This is true in a number of areas of your life. If you don’t do something now, ten or 20 years from now it still won’t be done. That book you need to write…the one you wanted to write after college? The one that still isn’t written? It won’t get done if you don’t start now.

Going back to school? You will still be ten years older ten years from now whether you go or not. So you better go now.

This is even truer when it comes to your fitness. It you haven’t started yet it is going to be even more difficult 10 years from now and you will be even further behind than you are today. The longer you wait the more difficult it is going to be to start moving. You know someone who isn’t moving well now…think back to them 10 years ago…no comparison. Bodies in motion tend to stay in motion.

If you know someone who needs to start moving you owe it to them to get them started moving. The best time for them was 10 years ago…the second best time is now. If they don’t start now ten years from now may be too late!

Call me to get them (or you started) now! It’s simple…775-338-2412…text or call and I will set up a time for them just one on one. If you want to just pass their information to me I will call and gently exhort them to join us!

Plant your tree today.

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
775-338-2412

Sunday Story…Mirror Mirror

All of us look at ourselves in the mirror. Every chance we get, if we are honest about it. We want to make sure there is nothing stuck between our teeth, or that something bad hasn’t happened to our hair. We look for those things but we don’t look objectively. We can’t look objectively, it simply isn’t possible.

When we look at ourselves we see ourselves differently than the rest of the world see us. We do this when we look in a mirror, at a picture, or just in simple introspection. It is not possible for us to see ourselves the way the rest of the world sees us. No one has my experiences, no one has lived what I have lived and no one is ever going to really “get” me.

And that’s OK. Other people’s opinion of me is really none of my business. They see what they see and they interpret what they see based on their own experiences. It really doesn’t matter; I can’t do anything about it anyway.

But my opinion of myself is a different matter. I can do something about that. I can decide to see myself in a better light. I can decide to see myself in a more negative way also. When you look in the mirror and see some parsley stuck in your teeth you remove it (I hope!) When you look at yourself and start in on your negative self-critique, stop and ask why? Why are you talking about yourself like that? Would you let someone else talk to you like that? I hope not. So stop, already.

I know you want to understand how we all see you, how we all look at you and form an opinion. But you never will. It is not possible. So stop that too.

Look at yourself and say something nice and positive. Stop beating yourself up. Let’s be honest, my own opinion of myself probably isn’t any more valid than someone else’s but at least I understand how I came by it!

Say something nice to yourself. You deserve it. If you don’t love yourself the rest of the world will have a hard time loving you too.

John Mariotti
www.crossfitodyssey.com
www.sunday-stories.blogspot.com
775-338-2412