Sunday Story...Resistance is Futile

Sunday Story…Resistance is Futile

Resistance training is important. Usually when we talk about resistance training we are talking about moving some amount of weight over a particular plane of movement a certain number of times. The weight resists the movement and we get stronger, our bones get stronger (more dense), our joints become more limber. That is the theory anyway. And for the most part it is true. And for the most part it is something we should all be doing.

But that isn’t the kind of resistance training I am talking about today. The resistance training I am talking about today is training yourself to do the things you really don’t want to do. To do the things that show up as hard or challenging. We all have those things. You know the ones I am talking about. The ones that if you do them will result in amazing personal growth and will move your life forward in ways you have always dreamed about but have never quite gotten to.

There really isn’t a training school for this sort of thing, at least not one I have found. There is a process or two that may be helpful in getting there but at the bottom line it will end up being all about you and your will to plow through the muck, the mud, and the sludge to get stronger in your character, more solid in your being, more grounded in your “who you are”.

Just like when we go to the gym everyday in the face of not wanting to go. When we pick up that heavier weight because we know the results will be there. When we continue to drive for one more repetition because in that last one is the success we have been striving for. We are training ourselves to fight against the not wanting to, the desire to quit, to give up to remain mediocre.

Maybe your “thing” isn’t the weights. Maybe your “thing” is something else…some other thing that requires you to push the edge of your comfort zone, the edge of your envelope. There is a mental toughness in that push, that requirement to get the last morsel, the last nugget of growth and effort. We are applying this attitude and mental fortitude to the thing we know, the thing we have committed to, the thing that is going to pay us the dividends we desire.

BUT (you knew that was coming) there are places where you are not practicing your resistance training. Places in your life that you are playing not to lose, perfectly happy with the envelope being the size that it is, perfectly perfect in your comfort zone. This is not how to win in life. This is not how you grow and become the amazing human you were put upon this earth to become.

For me nutrition is pretty easy. I eat in a way that is consistent with my fitness and health goals, I don’t find it difficult. Of course, I am an outstanding cook (Thanks Mom). The same with fitness…pretty easy for me to train hard, keep going in the face of defeat, injury, exhaustion, or simple laziness. I have no problem pushing the edges of fitness. I love the feeling of muscle straining, sweat pouring, limbs shaking training. I feel alive, centered, and focused.

On the other hand…I hate having to look at my failed relationships. I hate having to take responsibility for those relationships. This is an envelope I am very happy staying inside of. Yet if I don’t do some work I am doomed to repeat my past failures. It is the way of the world. If we don’t learn from our history, we are doomed to repeat it over and over and over. I am resisting this training. I am dragging my feet, skipping workouts (metaphorically) and not putting a full 100% effort into the training. What is that about? What belief system is operating on this front?

SO…here is the exercise for those of you who want push the edge of your relationship envelope:
Write a love letter to your past lover. Pick the one that you are still most lit up, mad at, or can’t get out of your mind. The idea is to begin with fear, or anger, or sadness and end up with love.
I am so angry that you______________(fill in the blank)
I am scared because ____________________ (fill in the blank)
I am afraid because_____________________ (fill in the blank)
I love you because _______________________ (fill in the blank)
Naturally it may take a while to get to the love part. And you will need to dig very deep to discover what has you all bent out of shape about this particular relationship. You may need to do this process more than once with more than one person. The idea is to figure out the how and why you feel the way you do and then get over it and move on so that you can have a healthy relationship of this type.

This seems to be a pretty simple process. Yet I have been resisting it for several weeks. I have written a paragraph or 2 and I seem to be stuck. I just don’t want to do it.
Here is the fix (Thanks Francesca) and this is a fix you can use anywhere you are stuck…nutrition, quitting a habit, working out, personal growth or even the love letter process:

Write this sentence down:
I don’t want to write this letter (in my case) because____________ (fill in the blank). Keep writing sentence after sentence until you have exhausted all the reasons (real or imagined) for not doing whatever it is that you really know you should be doing.
Then write this sentence down:
The gift I will receive from this activity is ____________________ (fill in the blank). Keep writing sentence after sentence until you have exhausted all the gifts you could possible derive from doing the activity.

At this point you should be ready to tackle the activity. In my case…the love letter. In your case?

What are you resisting? Why are you resisting it? What are you getting, how are you winning by not growing? Why are playing small in this area of your life? Do you want to stop? There’s one small little exercise you might try …if you dare. Watch out though you might end up being great!

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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