Sunday Story...Toxicity

Sunday Story…Toxicity

I, you, we live in a toxic world. We are constantly surrounded by toxicity. Bad news barrages our brains. Workplace shootings. School shootings. Bad news accompanied by terrible images hit our television screens and enter our homes on a daily basis. Economic news just drags us down and down.
All Toxic.

Your friends who complain and moan about their jobs, finances, or lack or either one. Toxic.
You, looking in the mirror, complaining about your weight, height, teeth, or some other superficial complaint. Toxic.
You, looking in the mirror, complaining about your lack of male/female companionship and feeling sorry for yourself. Toxic.

How much toxicity are you going to allow in your life? Some people seem to love toxicity. They start their day with a doughnut (toxic) after listening to an hour of bad news (toxic) while they get ready to go to work. Complain and moan about the traffic while on the way to work (toxic), listening to news/talk radio while getting to work (toxic). After arriving and spending the first 30 minutes on site complaining and gossiping about all the goings on over the weekend (toxic) you finally sit down to work and your attitude in the dumps (toxic). How much of this are you willing to allow in your life? Why don’t you change it?

Why ? Because it is hard. It is simple but it is not easy. And actually it is past not easy. It is hard. Change is hard folks. Transformation is painful. Think about a caterpillar…he spins a cocoon and enters it with faith that he will emerge on the other side newly. In the middle he turns to gray mush. In the end he might emerge as a butterfly and then again he might die. Transformation is work folks and it is hard work. That is why so many people stay on the couch. It is too hard to get up and get moving. Much easier to stay down and bury yourself in toxicity and negativity.

Take gossip for example. Gossip or talking about other people without them present is a bad habit. And it is very toxic. Not to the object of your gossip by the way…toxic to you and the other person you are gossiping with. The two of you are colluding to create an environment of secrecy and hurt for your selves. The two of you are joining a society designed to judge and ostracize others. This is toxic to the 2 of you. Because you and your partner in toxicity are joined in a committee to exclude and disconnect from another being. A being that has only done the best they could do given their circumstances and abilities.

How about the toxic nature of the food you are putting in your body? Every day my students do pushups if they have not eaten vegetables yet when they see me. Every day, I mention how important it is to eat right to my younger students. It is one of the things most of us can control…our diets and what we put in our bodies. Over the years I have fasted, been a vegetarian, ate nothing but chicken and rice for weeks. I have suffered in the abnegation of food and epicurean pleasures. Today, I eat what I want when I want. I have no need to suffer for my desire to be “in shape”. I eat to live not live to eat. I am in control of my nutrition and decide how and when suffering is in order.

What about those people around you who are so toxic? The drama kings and queens, the chronic complainers and whiners, and the energy drains who so love to suck the juice from you? What are you going to do about them? And what if they are really close to you, maybe they are your spouse, your parents, your children, or your co-worker? You cannot always just jettison them off the bus. Throw them over board so to speak… It really is considered in bad taste. Especially because they may have so many good things to offer in so many other areas. You get to tell them you don’t want to participate in their toxicity. You get to stand up for yourself and what you believe in. And you should believe gossip and “stinkin thinkin” simply don’t belong in your sphere of influence. Some of these people you are going to have to deal with. But it will be so much easier if you do it with kindness and compassion, realizing that that person is acting and reacting form some unmet needs and are feeling whatever insecurities that arise from those unmet needs.


Getting rid of external negativity and toxicity is simple and easy. Just turn the TV off!!! Turn the radio station to something uplifting … some music that stirs your soul in new and special ways. Replace the bad news with sources that proved positive and life enhancing messages. If the world blows up you will find out soon enough. Someone will call and tell you, guaranteed.

Get rid of the toxicity in our life. You will find it so hard to transform and evolve with a constant fight with toxic influences. Jettison people who refuse to stop gossiping. Turn off the negative news programs. Stop listening to other people tell you how bad things are. Stop listening to the man in the mirror who tells you all the negative things about yourself. Hang out with people who are positive and want you to succeed. Listen, watch, and participate in programs that are life enhancing and happy making. Eat good quality, organic food, well prepared and served with love. This will de-tox you fast. Eating well, sleeping well, and reading uplifting literature, training for something with goals. Surrounding yourself with positive people will all result in an attitude of gratitude, a positive mental outlook and an unbeatable smile, knowing your community has your back. Transform, be a butterfly, get through the gray mushy stage!!

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Doctor, My Eyes

Sunday Story…Doctor, My Eyes

Sometimes you can’t see the forest because of the trees. In other words, your “big picture” view is obscured by all the “little picture” details you are involved with day to day. What we are thinking, doing, and being today affects our reality tomorrow and further down the road. Our modern life is so involved with the minutiae of daily life that it is a small wonder that we can even consider life 10, 20 or 50 years down the road.

I read recently that we are educating our children for a world that does not exist yet, to do jobs that won’t exist for another 5 or 10 years. The top 10 in demand jobs in the world today did not exist in 2004, a mere 5 years ago. How about you? Are you ready for a world that does not exist yet? How will you survive in those uncharted waters?

Although the rate of information is doubling faster and faster with each passing year, there are some things that will be constant. Knowledge may increase. We may “know “more things than ever before, and have more information right at our fingertips, but there are a number of things that we need not worry about changing. The moral codes we live by are not going to change or shift. The ability to hold your center and do what is right is not going to change and your moral compass may be more important than ever. And the person with moral convictions and clear limits and boundaries will be more and more necessary in a world of shifting allegiances, extenuating circumstances and morality of the moment.

Your health and your ability to manage your well being will become ever more critical in tomorrow’s world. The choices you make today around what you eat, how and when you eat it, your exercise regimen, your mental state and the intellectual challenges you set forth, your spiritual ease will all have a hand in determining your happiness and well being in the years to come. These are choices we are making today. Those choices will have a direct correlation on who you are tomorrow, next year and 10 years from now.

You can choose to put good quality, organic locally grown food into your body or you can put pre-packaged, processed, edible non-food substances in your body. One will fill your body with energy and vitality and the other will contribute toward all the disease and malaise we suffer from in modern life. There is no triscuit tree, no candy bar bush, or no fast food field to pick from. Eat identifiable food---food you can identify the origins of, food that will bring the energy of life and sunshine and rain and the cycle of the earth to your body.

There is a thing called the yoga of taking food. This speaks to the awareness we all must have when we are putting things into our bodies. By maintaining present moment awareness we will be filling our bodies with the tools it needs to heal and grow for the future. When we take in food and drink we are, in essence, taking in the energy of the things we are putting in there. So keep in mind the importance of what you are putting in your body. Do I want this energy to be carried in my cells for the next decades or so? What will the substance I am about to ingest look like on me in 10 years? Will I be a processed piece of machinery? Or will I have maintained my inspiration from the earth and all the creatures of creation?

The same question goes for your mind, your intellectual stimulation. What are you putting in your mind? Who are you allowing in there? Are you listening to uplifting messages? Or are you listening to negativity, the droning drivel that calls itself news and information. Who you hang around with will have a direct effect on your mental state as well as the state of your intellect. Are you reading literature with an uplifting message or the National Enquirer? Are you watching educational television programming or Jerry Springer? Are you reading literature, recognized as well written and put together in a way designed to enlighten and edify or are you reading dime romance/western/horror throw-aways? The people we hang around with are not limited to those in our physical presence. It includes the people we let into our living room through the television. It includes the people we let into our mind when we are reading. It includes the music we are listening to. What is the message you are sending into your brain? Who is the gate keeper of your mind? You are the gate keeper and only you. Take responsibility for what and who you are letting into your thought process. Again, present moment awareness will carry us far in this pursuit.

Spiritually, are you connected to the divine? Are you in awareness of the wonders of the world? The truly amazing place we live every day. Again, present moment awareness will help you get there with this. Meditation and prayer are 2 ways to connect with the divine source that moves through us all. At the very least expressing gratitude for the gifts we have, however meager they may appear to be, is the quickest way to happiness. An attitude of gratitude will take you places that a million dollars could never hope to reach. An attitude of gratitude will have your inner landscape always in bloom, always sunny, and ever happy. Be thankful for what you have, for who you are and for the world around you.

What are your eyes seeing? What are you setting forth to be your reality in the world that will be unknown until it is known? These are exciting times…you get to create the life you want. So what do you really want? You better start deciding because you are going to get exactly what you want to get if you know what it is and truly believe you deserve it. Take a look into the future and find your world today.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Demon Lover

Sunday Story…Demon Lover

So very many years ago I woke up in the wilderness. A place that I did not remember being. I knew not where I was really, nor did I know how I came to be in the place I was in. It was in the early morning, that time that isn’t day or night, when things are just a little hazy around the edges. Like the dawn the awakening came upon me gradually, yet inevitably. And when I awoke, in the wilderness, it was apparent that the person who awoke was not the person who went to sleep. I had been co-opted, taken over by some other being, some strange thing that had run my life for many, many years.

Somewhere along the road, I gave up control of my life to something or someone else. It was not a conscious decision. One where I thought, “oh gee, let me hand over my life, all the decisions in my life to this being over here. And the real me will just have seat over here and rest for the next 10 or so years.” No, it was a reaction to some culmination of events in my life. Some combination of things that had happened where it looked like this demon might be a better choice to drive the bus that was my life.

This Being, this alter ego, this demon, ran things the way he saw fit. He did the things that made sense to him and treated the world in a way that worked for him. I gave him permission, tacit or implied, but I gave it to him. He is me, but just a part of me. Not the whole, integrated part of me. He did the best that he could given his unique gifts, skills, and talents. It was not his fault that he was not equipped for the real journey of this particular incarnation. He seemed like a good choice at the time.

I love my demons. Those dark little shadows that run around my psyche, including the ones that have caused me so much grief over the years. We all have them you know. Many people are living in denial about their demons. I recently had a conversation with a friend who denied that he had any shadow at all, that he had done all the work to integrate his entire being. I ran and hid for cover. Folks, our shadow is integral to our integration. The more light there is the more opportunity our shadow has to hide. We really need to poke around and see what is hiding under those rocks.

When I allowed my demon to drive the bus of my life, I thought (as did all the people around me) that the “real me” was still in charge. The “real me” sat over in the corner and took a nap. My favorite demon wreaked havoc and caused all sorts of problems. Of course, for most of us these are “normal” problems…addiction, no integrity, failure to take responsibility, living like you are the only person on earth. Then I woke up in the wilderness, stood up in the corner and decided that the integrated me needed to start driving the bus.
The demon didn’t get kicked off the bus. That would not be a great solution. I made friends with my demon. It is necessary to create a new, symbiotic relationship with my favorite demon bus driver. If I just kick him off the bus, sooner or later he is going to get back on and boy is he going to be ticked off! And a really mad demon is nothing to be sneezed at. If that demon comes back mad, he may just decide to wreck the bus altogether. We often see this happening when people make the same mistake over and over again, with worse and worse consequences. The question is often…”what were they thinking when they did __________again?” Demons want to be loved just like the rest of us, recognized for the gifts, skill and talents they bring to the table. If we reject them they will get mad and then get even. And when our demons get even it is ugly indeed. Bad things happen, bad things like divorce, disconnection, disease, and discord.

So let’s make allies of our demons, our little beasties that serve us in interesting little ways. And they will serve us if we honor their gifts, skills, and talents. After all, that demon drove the bus all those years. It isn’t his fault he didn’t know sound fiscal management or how to raise children. He did the best he could given his abilities and in many ways kept the rest of our psyche safe. We let them drive to protect us, to be in charge because the integrated self wasn’t ready to drive. Well if the integrated self is driving now, the demon should be honored for his contribution don’t you think? So love your demons. Pet them often. Take them out for walks and train them how and when to play nice with the rest of the world. Then they won’t hijack the bus when you aren’t looking. Nothing worse than walking up in the wilderness wondering how and where you ended up there!

Demon lover, that’s me!

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...Skeletons in the Closet

Sunday Story…Skeletons in the Closet

Death. The final frontier. It is the time of year that death reigns supreme. The leaves are falling, the garden is dying, and this part of the world is slowing down, getting ready for the death that winter brings. In a few weeks it will be all hallows eve, all saints day and the day of the dead. Traditionally, we consider the “veil” between the worlds to be thinner than it is usually. Actually it remains the same but most of us are not focused on it the rest of the year. In the fall, as it becomes apparent that the world is going to die back again, we focus once more on those people who have already crossed that final frontier.

We have lots of conventions and expectations around death and dying. Depending on your religious traditions you might have some very different beliefs around the whole subject. There are a few immutable facts around the subject that can’t be argued with, no matter what your beliefs or traditions may be.

Your physical body is going to cease operating at some time in the future. Maybe sooner, maybe later but it is going to stop. Once your physical emanation ceases to exist, your body will undergo the same changes that the world is experiencing right now. It will decompose and break down into some components that will no longer be recognizable as human.

The people who are still here will get to deal with what is left. We will follow our tradition and your instructions to the best of our ability but we are going to have to deal with the physical leftovers somehow.

There will be other things for us to deal with upon your passing. They will get dealt with somehow. The difficulties will arise depending on your advance planning. But it won’t be your concern any longer.

Other than those things…everything else is conjecture. So why is so much time spent worrying about what will happen to us after death? Reincarnation, heaven, hell, purgatory, and more, have books, epics, legends and myths all around them. Die, get reborn, come back as a fly or a goat, go to heaven and be seated at the right hand of the supreme being, become an angel, toil in hell for your sins, live an afterlife surrounded by vestal virgins…all conjecture.

I often see a bumper sticker that says…”if you are living like there is no God, you better be right.” Now the whole God conversation is fodder for another story but the point is very real. How are you living? How are you spending your time, your days, hours, and minutes? Is your life living on purpose, with purpose, for a purpose? Or are you treading water waiting for the rest of us to deal with the debris you are going to leave behind?

And once you begin living your life with purpose, once you begin to live your legacy, what about the rest of us? You know, the people in your life who will celebrate your life when you are gone; the people who will deal with the debris and detritus of your passing. Will we be able to celebrate you? Will you have gone back and made amends? Will you have righted the wrongs, cleared up the misunderstandings, taken responsibility for your shortcomings and failures? Will you have forgiven those who need to be forgiven?

The process of cleaning up your life after so many years is daunting. There can be so much to clean up; so much you swept under the rug, thinking you would get back to it someday. Guess what…it is someday today. Pick up the rug and start cleaning up. It is not enough to just live on purpose , you have to look at two other prongs as well…what do you need to do to get things right with the people in your life and who do you need to clear and clean things up with?

On the first front…call, write, email, text the people who you love, who you wronged, who need to know some things about you and your behavior, and the responsibility you are taking for your life. Your life as it now is. Don’t expect all of them to welcome your advances but do it anyway. On the second front…start to forgive and forget the wrongs others have already done to you. Release them from and attachment they have placed upon you and any attachment you are dragging around. Let it go. If they are still physically present, call, write, email or text them their release. That attachment to that person, to that event, or that place needs to be removed so that you can move about more freely and so can they. If you can’t contact them, write the letter any way and burn it sending it off with your prayers of release and forgiveness.

This is the debris you don’t want to leave here. This is the stuff you don’t want to have attached to you when you die. This is the stuff you don’t want to be attached to when someone else dies. When they are gone and you have not reconciled the slings and arrows you will find your grieving process much more difficult. And guess what …if you have not expressed your joy and gratitude to someone who made a difference to you, what better time than now? Do you want them to pass without knowing the joy and love you received from them? If I died today, is there anything you wish you would have said to me?

For those of you reading this, who I owe a letter, email or text to…it is coming. Sometimes it takes a while but it is coming. Soon. Very Soon.

Clean out your skeletons from the closet…shake out those bones and send them on their way. They are just collecting dust anyway…

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story…Walking on Sunshine

13,000 Feet over the Yolo County Airport somewhere near Davis CA.
I am sitting on the edge of an airplane looking at a blue sky, above the very slight wispy cloud cover. My feet are hanging over the edge of the precipice, the open door of the single engine plane that has taken us up to this point. I am seconds away from jumping/falling/leaping out of the plane and into the sky. We are the last 2 onboard; all the other more experienced jumpers have left, flying like raptors darting through the sky. I am going to step into the abyss, eyes wide open, and walk on the sunshine.

It is the day before my 53rd birthday and through a propitious turn of events I find myself getting ready for my first skydiving experience. This is one of the things that I said had no appeal for me…after all jumping out of a perfectly good airplane just seems so very wrong on so very many levels. Then in talking with a friend a month or two ago he said what a life affirming and like enhancing experience it was. That it really gave him some clarity around what was important and what was just dross. Then a week ago someone else sent me a coupon for 40% off a sky dive. Then some money appeared that I did not expect. So voile’ here I am, strapped to another human wearing a parachute getting ready to fall 13,000 feet to the earth.

The moment you drop out of the plane is surreal at best. In the first second or two you have a sensation of weightlessness. Not falling yet, just suspended in the air for a brief blip in time and then the sensation of falling comes upon you. But this isn’t like falling out of your chair or off a diving board because there is no comparative measure to tell how fast you are going. Then you begin to realize you are, in essence, flying. Falling at this speed (120mph) creates a sort of friction with the air that allows you to direct yourself into different places, down fast, slow, stop (almost), right, left, just about any way you want to go except up.

The idea behind this adventure is four fold. One: To fill my well full of life force, of chi, of energy. Whenever I do things that are out of the ordinary, out of the realm of what you might think is possible (like fire walking) I get a direct transfusion of universal energy. This feeds me in ways that are indescribable. Two: to face fear and go ahead anyway. To look inside, take a deep breath, and say to that fear of (falling, heights, death) I see you, I hear you, I get you and I am going ahead anyway. You, Fear, do not rule me, you, Fear, do not own me; I am in control of my life not you, Fear. Three: like climbing a mountain…it is there to do…to say I’ve done this. To be able to enter a conversation about the subject with an experiential knowledge of what it is like to walk on air. Four: it’s my birthday and I can do what I want to!

I am going to pull my own ripcord at 5500 feet. I am wearing an altimeter that measures the altitude and have been instructed to pull the cord at 5500 feet. It comes much too soon. We have traveled 7500 feet in about 60 seconds. The rush of air on your skin is exhilarating. The sensation of flying without support is in a word, amazing. As the parachute unfurls there is a small (hardly noticeable) moment when you wonder if it is really going to open, and if it does, is it really going to slow down the descent? Then the chute catches the air and we are sped upward and our descent slows to about 20 mph. At this speed conversation becomes possible, goggles can be removed and we can begin to manipulate the direction of the chute and the speed of falling. Much like snowboarding or skiing when you turn and head down your speed picks up. I get to pull the chute handles and play with our direction for several minutes.

There is something to be said for doing this sort of thing on a regular basis. Our lives can be so caught up with the day to day rush rush buzz buzz of mundane everyday stuff that we often forget about the magic that surrounds our precious human existence. You can do anything, anything at all. Walk on Fire. Free fall 7000 feet and land safely on the ground. Walk on broken glass. Break bricks or boards with your bare hands. Complete your education. Face yourself in the mirror and decide to become someone else. Look inside and start to live with a passion and fire that creates a life well lived. These are things that anyone can do if they put their emotions, enthusiasm and energy into the things they really really want to do.

We approach the ground into the slight wind so as to maximize the slowing speed. This trip has been way too short. The exhilaration is incomparable. The chi is pumping in my veins alongside my blood. Everything is sharper and crisper; the air smells cleaner and has a palpable feel to it. The landing is soft and easy. I am laughing and screaming and absolutely joyful. Life is good. Life is an amazing adventure. Life is incomparable. Life is what you make it. So what are you making it?

Go here: www.skydance.net you will be glad you did. I was.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story...It's My Birthday

Sunday Story…It’s my Birthday!

This is my second attempt at this week’s story. Maybe the first attempt will show up later. It just struck me that I really should be writing about my birthday since it happens to fall on this Sunday the 4th and that is pretty rare in and of itself and the first and only time it has ever happened that I was writing these stories so….

This is not a really significant birthday…you know like when you were 10 and now you are double digits! Or when you turned 13 and a teenager. Or maybe the sweet 16 and a new driver…at least that’s how it was when I turned 16. Turned 18 and you could vote and get drafted. For those younger readers the draft was something the US government had back in the day that required you to enter military service if your number came up. I think you still have to register these days but they don’t pull your number any more.

What about turning 21 and the legal age for drinking alcohol in most states? Then the birthdays get sort of boring…age 25 got a car insurance deduction. Turning 30 was a pretty big deal…it felt like adulthood was in full swing and life was moving forward on some independent track, the train had left the station, if you will. Then 10 years to 40…I remember the mug I got that said “Welcome to 40…the decade from hell.” How very untrue that was! My girlfriend at the time threw me a surprise party. That was very cool. I could not remember the last time I had a surprise party, if ever! So that was really nice (Thanks Cin...hope you are reading this!) Then comes age 50, which for some people is some sort of funeral, like life is now ½ over or something. Or you have seen more birthdays than you are going to see. Since I intend on living to 150 I am barely 1/3 of the way there! My fiftieth brought a helicopter snowboarding trip that was also very cool. Engineered by a different girlfriend and paid for by a consortium of children, friends and well wishers. (Thanks Francesca). And now here we are at 53.

53. Boring. No girlfriend this time to arrange something (I’m really busy not having a relationship). No traditional reason to throw an exceptional party. A few months ago I thought that I might go to Europe for a birthday vacation but with the current economic state that just was not possible. Still it’s My Birthday and I should at least do the birthday dance! Right?

So, as all of my regular readers know (and some of the stranger ones as well) I am all about life enhancement and life affirming activities. I think everyone should do things that light them up. Things that really excites, enthuse and maybe even scare you a little. I think Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do something every day that scares you.” Heli-snowboarding was a great example of doing something that lit me up. Fire walking is both scary and life affirming. Frankly, if I can walk on fire I can do just about anything. What lights you up? What are you afraid of doing? What do you believe you can’t do? Why not? Who said you can’t? Who said it has to be scary?

Saturday, in honor of my birthday, I am going to jump out of an airplane at 13,000 feet. Yes I will be jumping with a parachute with an experienced jump crew and a tandem jump. I am so excited and yes, a little bit scared. I have been told that this is an amazing experience. The free fall of 2 minutes or so is supposed to be other worldly. By all reports, when it is over you are filled with life and all the gratitude and excitement that life can offer. So I can’t wait!

I really didn’t need to wait to do this for my birthday, you know. And neither do you. You can jump any time you want. Or you can choose not to jump. The jump is a metaphor by the way. A metaphor for moving forward in your life. A metaphor for moving away from mediocrity and into excellence. A metaphor for choosing life…something we do unconsciously every day. Maybe we should consciously embrace life and all the gifts and blessings we are offered. Maybe we should approach today with an attitude of gratitude. Do I really need to jump out of an airplane to find gratitude for life or to feel blessed by this precious human existence? Especially since this is something I said I would never do?
I mean really…jump out of a perfectly good airplane on purpose? How freaking crazy is that?

So what are you going to do today that scares you just a little? Set a goal that is little too high? Try doing something you always wanted to do, but allowed something to stop you. Are your fears irrational? What is the worst thing that could happen? In sky diving that is pretty obvious…failure could be fatal. But if you fail to reach that really big goal? Is someone going to die if you fail? Will you die if you don’t reach the goal? I think not. And you will have achieved something that at least got you closer to the goal than if you didn’t try. Guess what? Success isn’t permanent and failure isn’t fatal. Except maybe in skydiving.

Do something today that scares you. Don’t wait for your birthday. Go for it. Now.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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Sunday Story…The Man in the Mirror

Wants to make a change, has to start with himself.

I have been obsessed with the evolution of the soul. Mine. And yours. This is a big project. Evolving in such a way that all the hurts and suffering of this human existence can be the entrance ticket to something bigger next time. But that evolution is such a huge step and such a big project, maybe we should tackle something a little less daunting…

Have you ever had someone say something to you that wasn’t very nice and you kept hearing those words all day? Even if the person was not even connected to you? Or maybe something happened that wasn’t very nice and you have played the incident for days in your mind? All the things you could have/ should have said in response that would be the perfect words to shut the jerk down. Why do you let this happen to you? I mean you know better intellectually. In your conscious mind you know that the person who said what they said was just being a jerk. And you really don’t look like a man/woman. Or you really aren’t death warmed over. Or your hair isn’t _____ (fill in the blank). So if you know all this why or how can any of these little barbs, these poisonous little darts, hurt you?

They penetrate because you let them. Because somewhere in your self talk you have said the same thing to yourself. Maybe you didn’t look in the mirror and say it but in the back of your mind you have allowed yourself t o talk like that. You have said mean and nasty things to yourself. You got up this morning and said “I’m tired. I hate Mondays. My job sucks. My life sucks. I suck.” Guess what? All those things are true --- after all you said them didn’t you? Then when some stranger walks up and says something rude about the outfit you are wearing…well that is just a validation about how you are already feeling about yourself. After all, now someone you don’t even know can see that you suck. Now it really is true. There is no where good for this to go. It is just going to spiral downward until it crashes and burns like a fouled parachute spinning faster and faster until splat!! The spinning stops.

So you started it with your poisonous little barbs directed at yourself. You took your self image and your self esteem and used them like a pin cushion or a voodoo doll just poking and putting those sharp little digs right where they count. And you are really good at it too. If you think your parents or siblings know how to push your buttons, well they have nothing on you. You really know how to tear yourself down don’t you? And you have had lots of practice too.

Every week I sit down to write this story. I often don’t know what I am going to write until the words start pouring out of my heart and my fingers onto the screen. This would not be possible if I sat down and said “No one wants to read this stuff. I have nothing to say. I can’t do this again. It’s too hard.” No, I don’t say any of that. I know there are people out there who read this story. Maybe even people who look forward to reading it. Grab a cup of coffee on Sunday morning and read the Sunday Story. But even if there weren’t people waiting I would still be writing it. Because I need to say what I have to say.

You need to change your self talk. Building a strong self image is simple really. You have to start with the things you say to yourself. What the man in the mirror says is more important than what anyone else can say to you. Do you get up and say it’s going to be a great day? There are people who live in great places with great lives who are miserable. And there are people who live in the most miserable places and conditions imaginable who are happy. How is this possible? Are some people just wired for happiness? And other are wired to be lonely miserable and unhappy? It seems that way sometime. The fact of the matter is that you decide how you are going to react to what happens to you.

Life is not what happens to you. What happens is what happens…you may not have a lot of control over that part of the equation. Life is what you do with what happens to you. Life is what you decide to make of it. You are beautiful. You are wonderful. You are super good and getting better. You really are. And you need to tell yourself that every day. This sort of self talk is a habit. Getting up in the morning and deciding it is a great day is a habit. Remember the make your bed thing? The thing where I say you should make your bed every day? Here is a little secret (double top secret here!)…when my bed is made, I feel better about myself. I did something, I created a little order in my space today and that feels really good. So after you are done stop for a second and appreciate the small slice of beauty and joy you have created. This is a habit…the stopping and appreciating part. Every day, if you are mindful, there are parts of the day where everything is just right…and if you can take that split second to appreciate it then your life will begin to change. You will look at the man in the mirror and smile and guess what…

He will smile right back at you.

Namaste
John
“Teaching Focus, Inspiring Transformation”
www.martialartsnevada.com

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